Cruise Pics

The Cruise

• Everyone says I'm a planner. I say I just think things through.
• Going to the beach every day was a good plan, Irene.
• Cruises are inherently cheesy, with dance shows, 50s parties and ho downs (none of which we did). Still, there's something nice about watching people enjoy the cheesy stuff.
• It took a couple of days to learn how to deal with that much intake of food. After one particularly bad moment staring at a lamb shank, I got things under control. By the end, I was up to 4 appetizers, 2 entrees, and 2 deserts, no problem.
• I gained 8 pounds in 9 days. Nice!
• When you get to dinner at 9:30, and they wind up turning the lights on while you're eating an entree, you know you're eating late.
• I'm trying to think of something clever to say about the food-to-poop ratio. I've got nothing.
• Sit down meals are way better than the buffet, with slow people who have no clue that other human beings also exist in this world. Btw, I'm not very patient. I discriminate against the stupid.
• Things I didn't pack enough of: slacks, shirts and underwear. I had plenty of socks.
• Apparently, the plan was for Nilda to get a piece of jewelry for our one-year anniversary. I was only made aware of this plan after Nilda picked out the ring she liked.
• It cost me $12 to spend 10 minutes writing an email to the family. Nilda's still pissed at me for it.
• Jeremy, Irene, Nilda and I played pinochle all the time. Coincidentally, this was also the closest that we every came to fighting amongst ourselves. It was like old times, except without Mary's 42 point bids (which we all agreed she always makes).
• Jeremy and Irene are way too good at counting cards in pinochle.
• Favorite line from Ratatouille (a bad name for a good movie): "I don't like food, I love food, and if I don't love it, I don't swallow." That's what she said.
• I will never understand the people who forgo the sit down dinner for the buffet or (gasp!), a cheeseburger for dinner.
• I read Philip Roth's "Everyman," a fantastic book about an older man lamenting his lost youth. The irony was not lost on me.
• "Neap tide" is an actual term. Still, it was fun to mercilessly taunt Irene for having made it up. We really neaped her a new one.
• We spent Saturday night at the El San Juan resort, which was fantastic and WAY better than going home right from the cruise. I woke up before 8:00 am on Sunday to get one of the beds by the pool, where I promptly fell asleep for 2 hours. It...was...awesome.
• The best beach weather is partly cloudy.
• As part of our nightly martini sessions, explaining why we were always late for dinner, I ordered a "Campini" one time, a Campari martini. This was positively the worst tasting thing I've ever put in my mouth. That's what she said. Nilda told me to "man up," until she tasted it and it was so bad that it brought her to tears.
• Jeremy thinks that the worst part of being in a cruise ship band is playing when no one is listening. I say the worst part is playing "Redemption Song" every day for months on end.
• Surprisingly great song: "Private Eyes" by Hall & Oates.
• Did you know that you can burn the insides of your elbows? I didn't. Also, sand doesn't prevent sunburn on your feet the way it's supposed to.
• Irene: "I don't go on vacation to wear closed-toed shoes."
• Jeremy doesn't like to be the line leader. Following his lead lasts about 2 minutes, until he turns around to ask you where we're going.
• I'm sending Irene to coffee and bailey's anonymous, to deal with her coffee and bailey's addiction.
• My favorite beach was this deserted island we took a water taxi to in Bonaire. The only carbon footprint we left was a lot of pee and Jeremy's hat. RIP, Jeremy's hat.
• Filling out the questionnaire at the end, Nilda and I were unsure how to respond when asked if the cruise met your expectations. When you're expectations are through the roof, saying they were met just doesn't seem fair.
• We all agreed that getting off the plane in NY was one of the worst moments in our lives.
• We had a fantastic time with Jeremy and Irene, and its great to know we've got such good friends. It was a neaping good time.
• We took 242 pictures, and that's not including the ones Jeremy and Irene took. Give us a little time to get them together.
• This cruise marked our one-year wedding anniversary, to which Nilda noted, "Can you believe it, papi? One year! And I didn't kill you!" Happy anniversary, Nilda. I love you, too.

Away Message

Hello. I'll be out of the office next week. Suck it. I'm coming back with pictures.

My Introduction To The New Receptionist

"Brian, this is Frankie, who you met yesterday. She'll be starting on Monday."

"Wow, that's great. Hi, again, Frankie, great to hear you'll be joining us. Of course, I won't be here on Monday, so you all can go to hell. But I'll see you a week from Monday. Great! Looking forward to it!"

What's Most Important To Me

All I care about in the universe right now is making sure I get my butt on that cruise Nilda and I have planned for our one year wedding anniversary.

When is our anniversary? Good question! We technically got married in City Hall on May 1st, but we were married by the Rabbi in Punta Cana on May 5th. This year, we've decided on May 1st as our anniversary since we'll be on the cruise then and we'll be stuck back in NY on May 5th. We reserve the right to change our anniversary date election next year.

Where are we going on our cruise? Yet another good question! You must have done this before. We're flying down to San Juan, Puerto Rico, home of my kids' ancestors then going to the following ports:

- St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
- St. Kitts, St. Kitts & Nevis
- Grenada
- Bonaire, Netherlands Antilles
- Aruba
- Back to San Juan (spending the night at the El San Juan Hotel).

We fly down to San Juan on Saturday morning, the boat leaves that night. Check out the webcam next week and try to see me. I'll be the drunk one puking in the pool.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart!

Trip To Central Islip

I was rudely dragged to the Eastern District in Central Islip for a hearing on a temporary restraining order today, at the courthouse in Suffolk County. This courthouse is ridiculously gorgeous. Driving up, it's a giant white building against an empty sky. You can see the ocean from the upper floors. It looks like something between a movie theater and a space ship.

The train ride back reminded me why I don't like Long Island. All you can see are strip malls and parking spaces against a depressingly flat background. Buildings are close together, but not close enough to make it urban. It's "white ethnic," but too close to NYC to make it hick country.

We won the motion. This means that someone has to go back there next week for the more substantial hearing for a preliminary injunction. Too bad it won't be me because my bitch-ass is gonna be in the Caribbean. Woo-hoo!

Brian's Trip to the Dentist

I haven't had a cavity in 20 years. Apparently, my upper left-hand molar didn't get the memo. Putting aside the fact that I never thought I'd live to use the "20 years" phrase, I was surprised at how alarmed I was to learn about this cavity. Specifically, it was a tooth fracture with an accompanying cavity. Never underestimate how shocking the word "fracture" can be. Filled with a mix of childhood fear of the dentist and adult fear of getting old, I went through drilling, smoke from my teeth and a very large needle.

Needless to say, it's time for Act. (Is anyone other than Andrew going to get that?)

Over-analyzing & the Law

Our reply in the case before the Court of Appeals is due tomorrow. This one was hard. I'm not so worried about the arguments defendants made in their brief, as much as I'm trying to close any loopholes the court may rely on to deny the motion.

This morning, I was getting my dirty water coffee with another lawyer from the office, and we were discussing some Supreme Court cases that are involved. The dirty water coffee guy (the very same!) said, "I have no idea what you guys are talking about" or something. (Side note: he's a computer programming expert).

This got me thinking about what makes the law so intimidating. Then, washing dishes, I realize it: the law is about overthinking everything. It's about taking a simple fact pattern and analyzing the hell out of it, far beyond any reasonable limits. It's not that the law is hard, just not worth the effort for most people.

Live Blogging Yet Another Debate

• Man, I'm getting bored with this primary. I used to hang on every word in the debates, waiting to see how Obama and Clinton would respond to each other. Now I just wait to see if anyone says something new.
• Nilda's still not a fan of Hillary. Shocker!
• Things I never want to hear in a debate again: health care, Reverend Wright, Tony Rezko, NAFTA, bitter Pennsylvania voters, flag pins, social security. Surprisingly, I'm still willing to hear about Bosnia.
• Yes, we know your website is HillaryClinton.com. There's no need to prove that you know what a website is.
• Nilda's sick. That means she's unable to lift her head far enough off the sofa to reach the glass of ginger ale on the coffee table.
• Is it wrong that I get a little offended when the guy who sells the dirty water coffee in my office building says "you're welcome" after I buy coffee? Don't get me wrong, I love me some dirty water coffee, and the dirty water coffee guy is great. But shouldn't he be thanking me for buying the coffee? Is it wrong for me to say "thank you," basically making him say, "you're welcome"? If only there was an etiquette expert to help me...
• Nilda says her eyes are hot from her fever.
• I love Top Chef. I'm always amazed at what those people are able to think of off the top of their heads.
• What else is on?

Juggling Gym Teacher

This guy must be a gym teacher, right? Shout out to the Big Guy (aka Dad, aka Daddy-poo if you're Julie) for the link.

Live Blogging Babysitting

• I am really starting to regret volunteering to change a poopy diaper. I'm in luck so far.
• My response to Andrew's text asking how things are: "We're still looking for Lilah, but she's got to be around here somewhere."
• Lilah cries when she can't have the things she wants, just like her daddy!
• Lilah's most effective form of communication is a vigorous shake of the head "no." There is no similar communication for "yes."
• Harley's catalog of menus, organized by cuisine and bearing the more-than-slightly-gay name "Menuliscious," is surprisingly convenient.
• If I'm not going to hold Lilah while standing, then she's going to teach me a lesson and fall lifeless to the floor.
• All right, 16-month-old, you win this round.
• Lilah likes to double fist her graham crackers.
• Next time I babysit, I demand that beer be provided. And chocolate.
• I think she's finally figured out that I'm not daddy. Dammit.
• It's 10:00, Lilah. Do you know where your parents are?
• I admit it. I can't babysit without Nilda.

London Calling

A client of mine explained to me recently why London is becoming the financial capital of the world: time zones. A global manager can be in London, with managers in Asia, Europe and the US, and never be more than a few hours away. If the same manager were in New York, on the other hand, the time difference between her and Asia would be much less manageable, making London a more convenient and logical location. Looks like the Brits knew what they were doing when they set the time zones.

You might have already known this, but it's news to me, and if you're reading this, it's news to you, too. You're welcome, world!

Mets Get Rickrolled

The Mets' campaign to find an eighth inning sing-along song to replace "Sweet Caroline" backfired. Instead of selecting from the ten songs selected, the winner was write-in campaign for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."

The full story is actually much more interesting, and its in the article Jeremy sent to me.

Music For Mary

Mrs. Pookiebear recently told me that as much as she loves Cake and Bruce Springsteen, she was looking for for new music and asked me for thoughts. Trying to give her a mix of new music and stuff that I thought she'd like, here's how I responded:

Thank you! And you've come to the right spot. Here's some obscure and not so obscure bands I would recommend:

• Mates of State (a husband and wife duo with two kids who write fantastic songs, you may remember me playing you some of their stuff when you were in NY. Get Team Boo, its their best album, followed up a close second by Our Constant Concern. I've loved them ever since I saw them open for Cake years ago. I link to their blog, band on the diaper run).
  
• Matt Pond PA (from NY, despite the name, great classic songs. I listened to Several Arrows Later non-stop for a few months. The more recent Last Light isn't as good, but I never like the more recent album after I love the second).
  
• The Shins (Matt might have heard of them, they've been around a while and have great songs. My favorite album is Wincing the Night Away, but a lot of other people like Chutes Too Narrow. Don't play in front of Irene, unless you want to hear Irene sing. Love you, Irene!).
  
• Vampire Weekend (haven't actually heard the full album yet, but they were on SNL and blew me away. Preppy boys from Columbia U playing ska, and playing pretty well).
  
• Regina Spektor (she became big when her song made it on to Grey's Anatomy, you've probably heard it. The album is Begin to Hope. She actually used to play at sidewalk, but not enough to get trapped there. You'll like this one, too).
  
• The Strokes (I know you've heard of them, but not sure if you've actually listened to them. They rock.).

This was fun! Let me know when I can turn this into a blog post.

Happy birthday, Pookie!!!

Friday Morning

Woman: Is this the D?

Brian: No.
Everyone else on the train: Yes, it is!
Brian: Oh. Yes, it is.

Random Thoughts

• The campaigns are turning positive. In two articles in the NYTimes today, both Maureen Dowd and Katharine Seelye (I've never heard of her, either), discussed how Clinton's staying in the race is a good thing. It keeps voters in states like Montana, with late primaries, engaged in the process like never before, which is good for the party, in the long term. They're also talking about how Clinton has made Obama a better candidate, which I've been saying for months.
• Obama suggested that instead of spending money in Iraq, we could give scholarships to students in the crowd. He knows his audience.
• Obama never uses the Windsor knot on his ties, probably because he's skinny. I still can't get over the fact that I know what a Windsor knot is.
• I haven't stopped watching the video of Imogen Heap from Andrew's blog. I don't think I'd like her studio recordings, but this video is incredible.
• Obama floating that he'd consider Gore for a cabinet-level position, or higher (whatever that means), is a great teaser for the environmental community. It's a fantastic idea to have a senior-level member of the administration focusing on the environment, and Gore is the obvious choice.
• Obama was wrong when he said no one could have predicted 9/11. The truth is that many people in the intelligence community predicted 9/11, and that it was Condoleezza Rice's fault that this intelligence didn't get to the President. But that's for another post.
• Fuck it, I'm doing it in this one.
• Condoleezza Rice's job as NSA advisor was to gather the intelligence and make a recommendation for the President. When questioned by the 9/11 commission, she turned her job on its head, stating that function was to convey the President's thoughts to those around him.
• Clinton had an advisor on domestic terrorism that he consulted almost every day, Richard Clarke, especially in the heightened alert before Y2k. One of the first things Bush did was demote Clark, forcing him to report to Rice. Rice failed to tell the President about the dangers Clarke was repeatedly warning her about.
• Obama's statement that he would not punish the messenger of bad news is important. Bill Clinton used to scribble all over his daily briefings, asking questions that would be answered within days. W's daily briefings were abbreviated and sent back without any questions; he preferred an oral presentation.
• This book on the 9/11 commission that Nilda got me is awesome!
• As well respected as Rice is, her failures and responsibility with respect to 9/11 will preclude her from being considered for McCain's VP. My prior prediction was wrong. That's right, I said it!

Problem With Obama

Obama was on the Today show this morning with Ann Curry (ahh, Ann Curry...), and he made me question my support in a way I did not think possible. Obama was asked two very simple questions, easy softballs, and he got them WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Question #1: Coffee or tea? Duh, its coffee. Tea is for parties and mushrooms, everyone knows that. Obama's answer? Tea. Ok, ok, we can deal with this. Maybe he's just not a coffee guy, it's how he keeps so even-tempered. We'll get him some cafe con leche and he'll learn.

Question #2: Beatles or Rolling Stones? Obama's answer: the Rolling Stones, like a fist through my heart.

HOW CAN I VOTE FOR A PRESIDENT WHO PREFERS THE ROLLING STONES OVER THE BEATLES?!?! Doesn't he appreciate the subtle nuances of the Beatles, their ability to reflect what was around them, to be influenced as much as they influenced? How is he going to understand the motivations of those around them, to deal with Iraq and the Republicans if he doesn't understand the value of the second side of the White Album?

Yes, Nilda, I know that Clinton is a "huge" Stones fan, and that makes sense. She focuses on the big issues, so I can see her preferring the Stones. But Obama is supposed to understand complexities, which formed the core of what was so groundbreaking about the Beatles. How can he not see that?! It's all I can do to keep from huddling in the shower.

This is all on top of Obama having bowled a 37 over the weekend. A 37! Were you even trying?!?! I bowled a few weeks ago and did horribly, but at least I got a 90. Even Nilda broke 70. How can he learn to adapt as President if he can't do it while bowling? Don't you know to aim with your thumb? Keep your arm straight when moving the ball back! C'mon! No mercy!

PS - You have to give respect to Clinton for her challenge to Obama to bowl for delegates in a "bowl off." Way to capitalize on April Fool's Day.

Momentum

Obama's momentum stopped cold when Clinton won Texas. With the primary in Pennsylvania sure to go to Clinton, everyone expected a drawn-out fight until there was a clear front runner. But, somehow, things have turned so that Obama is once again in a position of strength. Even though he's still expected to lose Pennsylvania, the only large state left in play, the party is lining up behind him. Maybe it was his speech on race, or maybe it was Clinton's negative ads backfiring. But Obama has maneuvered so that he is still the front runner, even though he will surely lose the next primary. And there did not appear to be anything political about it, no fingerprints from the Obama campaign. That's political skill the Clintons will never be able to replicate.

Who Am I?

During one of his many benders, Pete Townshend once got so drunk in London that he passed out in a gutter in Soho. The police officer who found him recognized him, and told Townshend that he would let him go if he could get home by himself. Townshend went home and wrote "Who Are You," a friggin amazing song.

This got me thinking. Who am I? What song would best represent who I am and the values that I hold? Then it hit me, as clear as the gawker link that Irene sent me.

Click here for clarity.

P.S. - Everyone check out Mary's new blog, Never Negotiate With Toddlers (love that name!). It's gonna be awesome.

Preventing 9/11

Nilda, knowing me to be "interested" in the history surrounding 9/11, got me "The Commission," a book written by a NY Times journalist about the 9/11 Commission, as a Valentine's Day gift. Yes, how romantic. It's a thorough and well written and, from what I've seen so far, focuses on the FBI and the Bush administration's efforts to hide or suppress failings from the Commission.

One item that stood out was the events leading up to the attack, and how the FBI had a hard time forgiving itself for its failings. For example:

• Zacarias Moussaui was arrested in Missouri in August 2001 near a flight school after alarming instructors by asking to learn how to take off and land a 747, even though he had no basic knowledge of flying. One agent said, weeks before the attack, that it seemed like a terrorist might "fly a plane into the World Trade Center."
• FBI HQ ignored the pleas of Minnesota agents for a court warrant to inspect his laptop, which could have revealed the plot. Upon learning of this, a senior aide to the Director vomited in the bathroom.
• In July 2001, an FBI agent from Phoenix sought to open up a nationwide investigation as to why so many young Arab men with connections to radical Muslim groups were seeking commercial flight training. His counterterrorism supervisors in Washington failed to read his memo.
• A veteran FBI informant in San Diego knew two young Saudi men who had been boarders in his house, both of whom would be hijackers in the jet that crashed into the Pentagon. No one at the FBI asked the informant to probe into their backgrounds.
• The FBI received a new Director just days before 9/11, Robert Mueller. The prior Director, Louis Freeh, was notorious for wanting only good news and for "killing the messenger."
• The famous President's daily briefing on August 6, 2001, titled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US," which was also ignored.

Governor What's His Name

So I'm on the treadmill at the gym tonight (honest!), and they have NY1's "Inside City Hall" on the televisions. The governor was answering questions and I'm following the closed captioning. They ask him tough questions, and I'm impressed with his answers. He's honest about trying marijuana and cocaine in his early 20s and actually seems to have a sense of humor.

I like this governor. I respect him for what he's accomplished without sight, and his humor and candor over the past few weeks have brought a refreshing sense of reality to state politics. I've never been interested in Albany before, even though I liked Spitzer, and for the first time, I want to know what's happening in Albany. That's mostly because I want to follow this governor.

Then I realize that I can't remember his name. I'm not even sure if I ever knew his name. Then I remember that his name is Paterson. His name is Paterson, right? But it doesn't really matter because I've never actually heard him speak. I've seen news reports about him and read quotes in the paper, but I've never heard his voice. Reading this closed captioning is the closest I've come to actually listening to his voice.

So how can I have an actual opinion about this governor if I know so little about him? Do I have enough information, or am I just blindly following what the media tells me? Then again, why do I even need to hear his voice? For centuries, the masses had opinions about leaders without even seeing what they looked like. But has the access to information changed what it takes to be independent about current events?

Then my scalp gets cold, the treadmill seems to get faster and I could care less about the governor. Yeah, I overdid it at the gym, tonight.

Justice Douchebag: Update

I guess thinks work out after all, sometimes. Apparently, the team of the deaf student who participated in the oral argument, from Kentucky University Law School, actually won the competition. The deaf student, Scott Van Nice, was actually featured in the New York Law Journal and won the award for outstanding oral argument. Huh.

The Most Important Blog In The Country On Obama's Speech

Help! Help! I'm being held hostage! Nilda is making me watch Obama's speech and forcing me to write a blog post about it, and I can't finish watching John Adams until I do:

• The speech did exactly what it had to do. It took the focus away from the Pastor's comments and shifted it to race issues that persist in America.
• No other politician would be able to make this speech. Only a black man who has somehow found a way to connect with white audiences without scaring them (I think it's the white grandparents), would be able to come up with the right chemistry to address race in such a blunt manner. It makes you wonder just how deep an Obama presidency might go to changing the country.
• Instead of trying to distance himself from from the pastor and the church, he connected it to its polar opposite, his white grandmother who held biased feelings, then found herself raising a black grandchild. He used the church to illustrate a side of the country that many don't see.
• He was right to defend the church he's belonged to for so many years. Simply abandoning it, while safe and easy, would have made him look weak. Still, though, he called Jeremiah his "former" Pastor.
• The speech felt important. You can see high school history students reading it 50 years from now. You gotta love an Obama speech.
• Not sure how I feel about the time of day he chose to make the speech. Doing it in the morning gave him the day's headlines, but it also limited the speech's audience to commentary and a few snippets. Then again, he never would have been able to make a 40 minute speech in primetime.
• Obama's speech turned him into the anti-racism candidate, that a vote for him is a vote against racism. He turned the mere fulfillment of his platform (schools, jobs, healthcare), into the remedy for racism.
• This is exactly the kind of speech that I would want a President to give. Doesn't try to hide race, doesn't sugar coat it, but addresses it head on and gives a path to correct it.
• I can't help but see a connection between the sudden interest in Adams and the Obama campaign. John Adams was known for speaking and had a remarkable talent for calling others to action, and despite his inexperience, he made a remarkable contribution. Let's see how this one turns out.
• For those who are interested, here's the full video. It's like a line at Disney. It's long, but it moves quick:
  
  

Dune or The Dark Crystal?

1. Essence! Drink her essence!
2. Usul no longer needs the Wierding module
3. Damn the spice!
4. So...my hand.
5. Trial by stone!
6. Tell them Gelflings want to make peace with Skeksies.
7. Usul has called a big one. It is the legend.
8. It wasn't your fault. The Gartham have always come.
9. The shard. You must find the shard.
10. But I don't want to be alone.
11. Do you smell it?
12. And who is the little one? A pet, perhaps?
13. What they see, the Skeksis see, too.
14. Get out of my mind!
15. Our time has come. A storm brews. Our storm.

I'm giving everyone a 24-hour head start, then Andrew is allowed to solve it.

Two Things

Nilda found an article about a study concluding that identical twins do not share the same DNA. While identical twins - but fraternal twins aren't really "twins," are they? - start with the same DNA, individual variations over time alter the genetic makeup of the individuals, so that adult twins are not truly identical. While this may not be a big deal for most people, this is life altering for me. It strips me of one of my best punch lines! Does this mean that I'm not technically Lilah's genetic father? What will I say to people Andrew work with who meet me for the first time? How am I supposed to explain how Andrew and I remember the same random movie quotes?

On a completely unrelated note, here's a website Matt From Work found listing interesting sites on Google maps. Party.

Sexual Harassers

There are many different archetypes of sexual harassers. Here are just a few:

The really nice guy. This is just a great guy. In his 30s, really friendly, does really nice things for people. And he's funny, too! Away from his supervisors, he's cracking all kind of HILARIOUS jokes about the secretaries! This guy is crazy! Ha ha ha! So when one of the lower level women complains, you don't take it too seriously. But when she won't shut up about it, then you have a problem that you have to get rid of. And you have to get HR involved to make it look legit. These make great retaliation cases against the harasser's boss. Well after the complaints are made, the harasser will be fired for (a) sexual harassment, (b) stealing from the company, or (c) being insubordinate to the same exact guy who had previously protected him.

The guy who hates women. He's a gruff, older man, probably white, who's the boss. He makes a lot of money and is extremely important. He brings in a lot of money to the company and has more clout than his supervisor. He makes comments like, "she's a stupid woman," or "Do your boobs make you stupider?", generally demeaning comments about male and female body parts. It's about women, not about sex, so be on the lookout for a pregnancy or gender case with this one.

The guy who falls in love. These guys are married, in their 40s, and work as mid-level executives who get performance evaluations. They travel in packs. They spend a lot of time at the office but also like to have a drink or two after work, or on business trips, where you can go to strip clubs. The wives stay home and take care of the kids. That's their job. These guys have CRAZY holiday parties, but even wilder conventions and retreats. These guys work with women about their ages, sometimes significantly younger, and they respect these women as their equals. That's because these women are really, really good at their jobs. This turns these guys ON. One will ultimately go too far, she will complain, and the company will mess the whole thing up, either by giving the woman a bad performance evaluation or picking on her for bullshit. HR is the bad guy in this case, not the harasser. The harasser turns into the idiot who got the company into this mess in the first place. He will be given some kind of warning or penalty, but will never be fired.

The disgusting moron. This guy is not well educated and makes absolutely disgusting comments to all the women he sees, knowing that it upsets them. These kinds of harassers generally work in packs, so if you see one, there are probably a bunch more around. One of them was probably promoted to supervisor. The anti-discrimination policy isn't worth the paper its written on. The women don't complain because the company visibly permits this to happen. Complaining would just lead to retaliation, and they need their jobs.

What Song Is This?

1. Highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.
2. Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit.
3. If there's a reason, its lost on me. Maybe we'll be friends. I guess we'll see.
4. Yesterday I felt so old, I thought that I could cry.
5. Half of what I say is meaningless. But I say it just to reach you, Julia.
6. Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me. I think they're ok.
7. I want to run through the halls of my classroom. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
8. Well the names have all changed since you hung around. But those dreams have remained, and they've turned around.
9. God damn, you half Japanese girls. Do it to me every time.
10. Look at what's happened to me. I can't believe it myself.
11. Although she may be cute, she's just a substitute because you're the permanent one.
12. If you've never stared off into the distance, then you're life is a shame.
13. Invisible air waves crackle with life. Bright antenna bristle with the energy.
14. Freezing, rests his head on a pillow made of concrete.
15. She's my soft-touch typewriter and I'm the great dictator.
16. I don't want to wonder if this is a blunder. I don't want to worry whether we're going to stay together till we die.
17. Load up on guns, bring your friends. It's fun to lose and to pretend.
18. You may find out that your self doubt means nothing was ever there. You can't go forcing something if its just not right.
19. Thank God for mom and dad for sticking two together, 'cause we don't know how.
20. I never meant to be so bad to you. One thing I swore that I would never do.

Good luck!

Public Service Announcement

ACT now! The universe is expanding at such an escalating SPEED that the expansion will ultimately pull galaxies apart faster than the speed of light. This means that in just 100 billion years, we will not be able to SEE other galaxies, and will only be able to observe the stars within our own supergalaxy, formed by the merger of the milky way and nearby galaxies. Our descendants WILL not be able to see anything beyond our own galaxies but a dark, endless void.

WRITE your congressmen and urge them to STOP the expansion of the universe NOW! JOIN the grassroots campaign to say NO to gravity's negative impact on family values, and YES to deceleration. Who knows what knowledge has already sped away, beyond our sight? Only with YOUR HELP can we PROTECT our children's future.

Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on Hillary

I'm not one to generally get involved with politics (I'm just a country lawyer), but here's Keith Olbermann's recent comments on Geraldine Ferraro, which, incidentally, he stole from me:

Future Blog Posts

Here are some posts, currently under construction:

• I Heart My Blog
• Dune v. The Dark Crystal, Part II
• I Love My iPhone. I Just Don't Have It Yet.
• Why Desmond Is The Most Interesting Character On Lost
• My Favorite Material Possessions
• On the Origin of Species
• What Song This Lyric Is From?
• The (Self-Aggrandizing) Patriotism of Michael Moore
• Ooo, What's That Smell?
• I Have Too Much Time On My Hands

These are important topics. The public needs to know, Nilda!

Lessons on Objectivity

Today, I explained to an intern the tone to use when writing a complaint. I told her that while you need to use the facts to present your case in the light most favorable to your client, you cannot cross the line of blatantly spinning those facts and coming across as propaganda. Essentially, you need to give the appearance of being objective, even if you're not. Like MSNBC.

This just in: Geraldine Ferraro has just announced the commencement of the race war. Jews, you know what to do.

Spitzer

Wow. You know? Hmmm. Where am I supposed to go with this one? Here is a guy who has everything going for him, who just got it together after a tough first year as governor, and he has to go and fuck it all up with a prostitution ring. A prostitution ring! Couldn't he have done something a little cleaner? Like sex with an intern or a heroin addiction? Only Republicans can get away with prostitutes, dummy! And how did you get a $400 credit?!?!

Spitzer was great and I'm still trying to figure this out. He was the only state attorney general who became a national player and had a real shot at becoming president. Yeah, he's Jewish, but he looks like a wasp. The one thing I remember from AP History was that the most popular job to hold before running for US President was the Governor of NY. (Nilda points out that the state with the most presidents is Ohio. Thank you, Nilda.), and Spitzer was on his way. Now I have to throw away my "Spitzer 2016" posters, just when I had the design down the way I wanted it!

The real victim in all this is his wife (not to mention his kids). Can someone tell me what the point was in having her stand next to him looking like she just got run over by a truck? That just seemed unfair, especially since she's kind of a hottie (definitely a milf). Ah, Silda...maybe you just had your price point too high. Zing!

Momentum

Things are gonna change, I can feel it (what song is that from?):

• Despite his loss in Texas, once the caucus votes are tabulated, Obama is going to gain more delegates out of that state than Hillary.
• Dropping Powers from the campaign was a smart move, since it killed the story. But it's a shame that Obama lost her. She is a Pulitzer prize winning Harvard professor (and a WOMAN!), and would have been a huge asset to his campaign.
• Hillary wants to get Obama into a knife fight. No one beats her at her level. He needs to find a way to keep his ideals and fend off her attacks at the same time.
• After Obama wins Wyoming and Mississippi, things are going to shift again.
• Hillary's talk about being in the lead is a mirage. She'll never catch up in delegate votes.
• The superdelegates will not make Hillary the nominee. It would be a coup away from the voters that would split the party. Whatever happens, Obama will have to sign off.
• The only way that Nilda will vote for Hillary is if she's on the ballot with Obama, as #2.
• I have no idea what to do about Florida and Michigan.
• The spellchecker needs to add "Obama" and "superdelegates" to its dictionary.

Please note that the opinions expressed herein are just mine and, therefore, should not be taken too seriously. Really, there's no need to have everyone getting all pissed off in their postings. Right, Corey? And what did happen to me that made me so pro-Obama? I'm still figuring out how I got so invested in a campaign.

Justice Douchebag

Once again, I was a judge for New York Law School's moot court competition tonight. The panel was two of us and a partner of ____ & ____, a white shoe firm, who's also an adjunct at NYLS.

The first competitor, from a law school down south, was deaf and argued through two interpreters: one to translate what he was saying; one to translate for him what was being said. Needless to say, I was remarkably impressed that this kid had the balls to enter a moot court competition. His being selected to represent his school in this competition confirmed his ability. My first reaction was to give him a perfect score just for entering, but then I thought that I'd show more respect by judging him based on his performance, and he was very good. He knew his stuff and was very prepared to argue, and I know I'm a tough bench.

So we're giving our feedback after the argument, and wouldn't you know that the reaction of this asshole from ____ & ____ is that this student is "at a disadvantage" because of his "situation." He says that this student is unable to "stress" certain points with his voice, and needs to figure out a way to "level the playing field."

What a fucking dick! Here is this student, who has had to work harder than anyone else in the room, and doing a freakin' great job at it, and this guy has to throw it back in his face that he's deaf. Like he doesn't know. Friggin' idiot. As I write this now, Nilda is telling me that I'm typing too loud. I told this student that I thought the playing field was definitely level, that he had no problems stressing certain points, and that he was very effective, which he was. Schwartz's reaction was great: "Classic ____ & ____."

Moral of the story: don't let anyone tell you what you can't do.

Post Mortem

Andrew's comments aside, I had a terrible day. It's not like Hillary had a huge gain, since she only won 4 more delegates than Obama on the day. Also Obama's still ahead of her in total delegates, and is mathematically guaranteed to remain ahead throughout the primaries.

But it was hard to see Hillary and the media talk about "momentum" and how Obama getting a hit, which isn't even true. Yes, I know the arguments that the media went easy on Obama, but I was still moping around the office. It's like watching the Eagles miss the playoffs. Things are so bad that - seriously - I donated money to the Obama campaign, without having Nilda tell me to. I shit you not!

In all fairness, here's what I like about Hillary:

• She's strong and holds her own in an argument.
• She's decisive, like tater tots.
• She represents the fullfilment of the dream of the 60s feminists, and her election would be a true breakthrough for women.
• She would surround herself with smart and qualified people, including Bill.
• I trust that she would make the right decisions, from public policy and judicial selections to military actions.
• There's no way she would get pushed around by the Republicans.

Here's what I don't like about Clinton:

• She's so politically shrewd that her decisions could at least be perceived as being politically motivated.
• She doesn't inspire me to do anything. Not sure if this is a related point, but I don't like the sound of her voice.
• She's a divisive figure and would lead us back to the culture wars of the 90s.
• She'll say whatever she needs to win an election. She can't even decide what baseball team she roots for!
• Her election is guaranteed to continue the partisian battles that I'm so sick of after two decades of Clintons and Bushes.

Here's looking forward to Obama's wins in Wyoming and Mississippi! Let that sink in until Hillary routs him in Pennsylvania.

The Most Important Blog In The Country Speaks About Super Tuesday II

It's the close of Super Tuesday II, and nothing's changed. Let's recap what we've learned:

• There are no "elders" in the Democratic Party to tell Hillary not to run. The name "Clinton" alone gives her a clout that no one else can top. The most senior-ranking Democrat is Bill Clinton, and we know where he stands. Who's going to stop her, Nancy Pelosi? The answer is no. The only ones with any power to stop her campaign are the Superdelagates, which is exactly why they were created in the first place.
• As much as the press has favored Obama, they are still considering her as a viable candidate, even though she lost 11 in a row. Once again, she receives this special treatment only because her last name is "Clinton."
• Looking beyond tonight, Clinton has a long way to go until Pennsylvania on April 22. The only contests are Mississippi, where Obama is heavily favored, and Wyoming, which has caucuses, Obama's specialty. Unless Obama's momentum shifts dramatically, she will not be able to sustain her campaign.
• "White ethnics" = "white trash."
• Clinton's argument about "letting all the voters have a say" only applies when she's losing. Notice how she has no problem being nominated by the Superdelagates.
• Check out David Brooks' column in the NYTimes today, talking about how Hillary represents the traditional candidate who will fight, where Obama represents a fundamental change in politics.
• Clinton should not say she "won" Michigan. Obama wasn't even on the ballot.
• "Solutions" = boring.
• Clinton's strategy in Texas tonight appears to be based on questioning the fairness of the caucuses, which Obama is favored to win. While this tactic may work in the short term, it will only affirm the negative opinions many have against her. Right, Irene?
• And, of course . . . BANG BANG BANG!!!

Prediction For Tonight

Clinton will win both Texas and Ohio. Whether they were correct or not, her attacks on him over the weekend and especially yesterday were effective and will cause people to question his ability to withstand the Republican assaults. It will be a good night for Hillary, but not enough to get her back into the race in a manner that will carry her the seven weeks until Pennsylvania. Things are going to get harder for Obama. Unless, of course, he debuts a brilliant speech tonight, transcending the points he's already made.

A Baby Carriage Bill of Rights

Oh, I'm sorry, did I block the sidewalk right in your path? I apologize for the inconvenience, but, as you see, I have a baby carriage. Therefore, I can do whatever I want. You see, having a baby carriage gives me certain privileges that you, as a mere non-baby carriage civilian, cannot enjoy. Should I be required to stop abruptly in the middle of traffic because I decided that I need something RIGHT NOW, you will simply have to wait. In fact, you can tell that what I'm doing is really, really important because of the sheer girth of my particular baby carriage. Maybe one day - if you're lucky - you will own a baby carriage, and the accompanying right to own the sidewalk. Until then, please get out of my way and accept your place as a second-class, non-baby carriage pushing sucker. And sorry for the inconvenience.

Magic Mormon Underwear

Bill Maher is talking about Mormon underwear again. I had never heard about the underwear before this election, but that's nothing a youtube search can't fix. This one isn't as funny as I was hoping, but it's definitely informative.



Weird. What's up with Bill Maher's skinny ties?

Jews For Obama

Thanks to Andrew for the pic. And yes, I am busy at work! We actually have a trial starting on Monday. It only takes 2 seconds to post these things and I post the long ones at night so back off! Let a blogga blog!

Stealing My Thunder

So I just submitted my brief to the Court of Appeals on the issue of a union's waiver through a collective bargaining agreement, of an individual's discrimination claim. Wouldn't you know that less than one week later, the United States Supreme Court granted argument on the same exact issue. Most likely, the NY court will delay its decision until the Supreme Court rules, and then adopt that same exact holding.

I spoke to the lawyer who will be arguing the case and, while he seems to be a nice enough guy, he does not understand the legal arguments at play half as well as I do. He also believes that he's not going to win, while I think there's no shot of him losing. Even the defendant's attorney's don't seem to understand the issues, making arguments that the Eleventh Circuit specifically rejected.

Which leads me to the following conclusion: I know this issue better than anyone else in the entire country. As Lord Chamberlain said in The Dark Crystal, "It should be me."

A Dream I Had Last Night

So I'm at some kind of football field turned into a demolition derby, with lawyers driving relatively fancy cars getting ready to bang into each other. Then I'm called into a mansion off to the side over a hill by Schwartz telling me that Judge Diamond is calling me on the telephone. So I walk through a few rooms to the study and pick up the phone, but its not Judge Diamond at all, but my Aunt Lois calling to tell me that she just won $20 million in the lottery, which I find very exciting. Then family members - I can't tell which ones, but it includes my parents and cousin Bill - pull into the driveway in a car and I go out to meet them. My parents don't know that Aunt Lois won the lottery, but Bill does because she was with him when she found out and I tell him that she told me and we talked about how exciting it was. Then I notice that there's a football game on the field now, where the lawyer demolition derby just was, and we're at one of the corners of the football field, with tall trees lining the boundaries of the field. One of the teams has an "M" on its jersey (I think I knew at the time what that meant, but have since forgotten) and runs an amazing play with a long pass and great run that results in a touchdown. As I turn to Bill to talk about it, Nilda wakes me up.

Thoughts?

Bashing Hillary

It would be too easy to pick on Hillary now, when she's presumably out of the race. But there has been so much out there recently that its hard to avoid. Like the NYTimes article about Clinton's reckless spending ($100,000 in groceries in Iowa, $5 million to consultants in January alone), or this one comparing her to the older sister in Ferris' Bueller's Day Off. So I think I'll just leave it at this video, addressing Clinton's previous claim that Obama is not fit to be President because he "plagiarized" a speech:



We can all thank Irene's endless hours drudging around Gawker for the video.

Oscar Picks

I love pools. Its like playing bingo, but you get to pick the numbers you want. Here are my picks for the annual Academy Awards pool at the office:

Best Picture = No Country For Old Men
Best Actor = Daniel Day Lewis
Best Actress = Julie Christie
Best Supporting Actor = Javier Bardem
Best Supporting Actress = Amy Ryan
Best Director = Joel & Ethan Cohen

Live Blogging The Debate

Due to popular demand, here are my thoughts on tonight's debate:

• Quote of the night, courtesy of the one and only Mary Tomback: "i'm anxiously awaiting your commentary. here's my commentary -- i hate hillary clinton."
• Obama has gotten MUCH better at these debates.
• Obama's declaration that he would meet with leaders of enemy countries, without preconditions, while risky at first, has turned out to be a smart move. His willingness to meet with Raul Castro contrasts his fresh perspective from Hillary's dated stance that we don't negotiate with our enemies.
• Nilda tells me that there's no "o" in "Raul."
• It's hard to blog about the debate and listen to it at the same time.
• Obama is not as cool as Bill Clinton was, but you'd trust him with your daughter.
• I'm surprised at how split the crowd was for Clinton and Obama.
• Campbell Brown is getting annoying.
• I haven't been that hungry today, maybe it was the Claritin D.
• Perhaps I should add Claritin D to my exercise routine.
• Whoever is running Obama's internet campaign should be given a cabinet-level post. Better yet, give him (or her) a military post.
• Clinton makes Obama a better candidate. She forces him to make policy decisions and to focus on substance.
• It's gonna be too late to watch Lost, isn't it?
• Hillary smiles when she knows she's getting her butt kicked.
• SNL is gonna need to get a new black guy to play Obama.
• Obama won this debate. Unless Hillary is able to inspire people, instead of simplying scaring them out of voting for Obama, she'll never be able to beat the excitement he generates.
• I should have set the dvr to go beyond 9:30. What happened at the end?

While we're at it, here's a great video Irene sent out today:

My New Workout Routine

In preparation for our cruise in two months, here is my plan on how to get in shape:

• Taking the stairs up, assuming of course that Nilda is not with me.
• Guitar Hero.
• Buying diet tonic for my nightly gin & tonic. But only when they have diet tonic, which they never do.
• Getting a salad for lunch. Unless, of course, I go downstairs and it's cold out, making me want something warm. Or fried.
• Eating more. I read somewhere that you need to keep your metabolism up, so I feel fully justified in having the 5 pound bag of "nuts and chocolate" trail mix at my desk.
• Granola.
• Going back to pilates, which was my Hannuka gift from Mom. Or as I call it, the worst Hannuka gift ever.
• Keeping my gym bag at work, so that if I ever get out of work an hour and a half before I usually do, I'm right there.
• Cutting down on pudding.
• Making repeated and firm committments to work out, and this time, follow through is NOT optional.

On a programming note, Nilda just got me "The Commission" for Valentine's Day, which is a book about the 9/11 commission. Be prepared for the return of the 9/11 obsession.

SPELILING IS OVERATED!!

Enouhg wiht the spellin g and gramaticle erors. Were all goign to half to laern how to deal with errosr.Plus, the spellchcke isnt' working on my blgo, for some reasen. Anhd I'm to lazy to figuere out why. This is fun. I shoudl make a game out ot poitning out the errorrs, a "Wheres' Wadlo" for nerds.

Tuesday Night Thoughts

• McCain is running a predictable, safe and boring campaign, focusing on yesterday's issues that no one is excited about. Short of an attack of some kind, his campaign is doomed to failure.
• We won a huge motion for summary judgment in the SDNY last week, with Hellerstein denying the motion from the bench. That...was awesome.
• Texas' messed up rules for the primary means that there will be caucuses, and that, based on turnout in the last gubernatorial election, certain predominatly Latino districts will have less delgates assigned than predominantly African-American districts. Bottom line, Obama has a shot at winning Texas.
• Nilda knows how to spell "gubernatorial."
• Is McCain's wife hot? I'm still not sure.
• Older, white women will never desert Hillary. Ever.
• Nilda and I saw Michael Clayton this weekend. I love how every movie dealing with lawyers is either (a) the struggling plaintiff's lawyer or (b) the disillusioned corporate attorney. That means that plaintiff's lawyers are the good guys. Sorry, Matt.
• Nilda hates Chris Matthew's turkey neck. She does. She hates his turkey neck.
• In 1992, James Carville's strategy for Bill Clinton was that if they were attacked, they would attack back, to prove that he won't get pushed around as President. Obama is following that same strategy now.
• Obama's ability to remain cool in the face of Hillary's and McCain's attacks is his greatest asset.
• Damn, Friday Night Lights is an amazing show!!
• Given the focus on ideas, particularly in the muslim world, we would be better served with a president who is a campaigner of ideas, rather than as a military leader. The ability to win the battle of ideas now matters more than military experience.
• Light makes me sneeze. Its called a "photic sneeze reflex." Deal with it.
• The tv networks cut off Clinton's speech to focus on Obama's. He just won.

EVIL!!!

Click at your own peril

Potomac Tuesday

• This whole competition between Clinton and Obama is generational.
• What the fuck is up with Huckabee?
• One of Obama's greatest strengths is his ability to convince people outside of his campaign's organization to act on the campaign's behalf.
• I'm getting sick of hearing the same speech over and over again. Obama and Clinton each need a new stump speech.
• Over the weekend, Obama became the front runner. All tonight did was confirm that. Based on that, he should have given a new speech tonight.
• Nilda is watching over my shoulder as I type this, pointing out every friggin typo I make. "You can't spellcheck for your life." I'm gonna beat her so hard.
• Alaska is the most important state to win. It's the state that no one cares about and that no candidate wants to put money into. It's America's gut vote. In 2006, Howard Dean and the DNC decided to campaign in every state, to at least ask for people's votes, which was remarkably successful. Obama did the same thing and won.
• Nilda just gave me a lecture on when to use an apostrophe for "its" and "it's." She is in so much trouble. I don't care if its true, Nilda! I DON'T CARE THAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID "IT'S"!!!
• I am one funny white guy.
• Obama's line about Cheney being his cousin is still funny.
• For all of Schwartz's support for Hillary, she consistently commits his greatest sin of reading off of cue cards.
• If Obama had not been in the race, I would be a Hillary supporter. Or maybe I'd be for Edwards.
• Hilllary should pick Colin Powell as her VP candidate. Now. McCain should wait to announce Condeleeza Rice for his VP choice.
• I have to wash the dishes. Dammit.

Save Friday Night Lights

Friday Night Lights is the best show on television. Check it out on Netflix or even nbc.com and you'll see why. Seriously. But NBC never promoted it properly, putting it on Friday nights when no one's watching. It belongs on Thursdays at 10:00 pm, as a replacement for the aging and stale ER. It is the most complling drama on tv, rivaling even the Sopranos, and would have totally taken off if given the spotlight.

Anyway, the problem is that it might not come back on the air, a casualty from the writer's strike. That's why everyone needs to SIGN THE PETITION from our good friends at best week ever to save the show. Just think, what would Riggins do?

Oh, and Hillary had a bad week. She abandoned the states in play after February, thinking that she should not invest the money since she didn't have a chance. This gave all the momentum to Obama, even for states that did not matter, which in turns game him all the fund-raising momentum , since no one wants to give money to the candidate who's losing. Gulliani followed this same failed strategy and this is the real reason why Hillary fired her campaign manager. Kisses!

The Thing About Hillary

After a long and lively discussion today with Schwartz, I think I finally understand the die hard motivation behind the devotion to Hillary (he's a huge fan): she represents the best of her generation, even more so than Bill. She's the smartest, strongest and most dynamic leader they have ever had, and is the first real feminist with a shot at the White House. They cannot understand, and feel threatened by, the support for Obama, who they perceive as weak, since he was not forged from the turmoil of the 60's. He represents the first real challenge from the next generation, and they fear losing their shot at glory.

Did you notice the new counter on the blog (shout out to Irene!)? Now I can see when Nilda, Andrew, Irene AND Harley log on.

Super Tuesday

Here's what we learned from Super Tuesday (note: all data not plagiarized from the internet comes directly out of my ass):

The Democrats came out to vote in far greater numbers than the Republicans. The total votes cast among the GOP was 8,370,022. Compared to the 14,622,822 votes among the Democratic primaries, the Democrat race drew 76% more voters than the Republican race. This reflects the dissatisfaction that many Republicans feel towards all of the candidates. Perhaps the only candidate capable of galvanizing the base is Hillary Clinton. But even then, who knows if McCain would go after her the way Bush went after Bill.

Obama and Clinton received equal numbers of votes. Obama received 7,294,851 votes (49.8%), while Clinton received 7,347,971 votes (50.2%). Among all the millions of voters, that's a difference of 53,120 votes. That's less than .01%. For all the talk about winners and losers, it's a dead heat, and the Democrats are split down the middle.

Finally, here's my response to the argument that you should support Clinton because America is not ready to vote for a black man:

1. That's not true, as proven by Iowa and the fact that most of Obama's support has come from white men.
2. People who won't vote for a black man probably won't vote for a woman, either, so that the argument would not even favor Hillary.
3. As much as it tries to blame the racism of others, this argument perpetuates the racism that the Obama campaign is trying to combat. Not voting for Obama because others have a problem with his race, is the same as not voting for Obama because of his race.

Thank you for your kind words of support and generous donations. It's hard work hosting the most important blog in the country.

Quote of the Day

"I don't like to listen, I just like to talk."

-Nilda

From the People Who Brought You Tetris

This game is called "Warehouse No. 18," and its essentially a puzzle game to figure out how to get the moving pieces into their designated spots. The words are all in Russian, but its pretty easy to figure out and completely addictive. GET TO WORK!!!!

Boywonderesq Officially Endorses Obama

After much speculation and courting by both sides, Boywonderesq.blogspot.com officially endorses Barack Obama for the Democratic Presidential Candidate. While Hillary Clinton would make a great president, she is cut from the same partisan politics that have dominated for the past two decades. Obama, the first candidate from Generation X, represents the first attempt to transcend that mold of politics and turn the page to the next stage of American History. As aptly put in today's Doonesbury, Obama is "the first black Kennedy."

Some may question the influence of "special interests" (Nilda) on this endosement. The truth is that it has taken many months to arrive at the bold and courageous action taken herein. Indeed, that fact that the "special interests" are on strike from cooking bears witness to the impartiality of this endorsement. But that's for another post.

Superbowl

I'm torn on this one, I can see it going either way. Ultimately, however, I'm going to have to go with the Patriots to win. As much as the Giants have surprised everyone this postseason, the Patriots are just too forceful and experienced at this level to bet against. But it would be nice to see Eli Manning prove me and everyone else wrong.

All in all, though, I'm still more excited about Tuesday's election than I am about the Superbowl. Go Eagles.

Dorks In Common

The following is a transcript of a conversation I had with a client of mine:

Client: "I've finished working on the narrative of what the company did, and it really shows what they did wrong."

Brian: "Ok, great."

Client: "I'm telling you, holding this document is like holding concentrated evil."

Brian: "Like in Time Bandits?"

(pause)

Client: "You and I are going to get along just fine."

Obama Campaign

As an experiment, I attended an Obama campaign organization event for upper Manhattan. I would never go on my own, but Nilda luuuvs Obama and I went for her. Here’s my report:

• Flashback. In freshman year of college, I wore a sandwich board around East Halls to support Josh Bokee for USG president. Some exchange student from Australia came up and asked me why I would do that. It was at that moment that I decided I would not campaign for any candidate. Ever.
• Obama uses the internet better than any candidate before. The main method of communication for supporters is email. More importantly, everything is centralized on my.barackobama.com.
• Turnout was huge. The room, about the size of a classroom, was packed, with many people standing.
• They should pass a law against sinks that splash water all over your pants and make it look like you peed yourself.
• The event was organized by Mark Levine (Levine = Jew), the upper Manhattan city councilman or something, and one of the few NY politicians to support Obama. He was there with his Hispanic wife and two sons, and spoke Spanish to them. Nilda was sold.
• Look, kid, I know you're excited, but there's no need to be a dork about it.
• I thought the "special guest," former NY state senator Leichter, would be a tool. Turns out he was awesome.
• Any candidate who can convince Nilda to stand outside of a polling place on Super Tuesday – in the cold! – is a genius and should be President.
• There are a lot more older people here than I expected. I thought old people liked Hillary.
  No one is allowed to mention Hillary Clinton’s name, like Voldemort. Her supporters are referred to as "They" and Hillary is called "You Know Who."
• Upper Manhattan, 96th Street and up, has 6 delegates. This is a huge number, especially when considering that the state of New Hampshire has 9 delegates. Half of all the voting in NY takes place in the five boroughs.
• Obama supporters can’t decide whether or not they’re beating Clinton. They talk about Hillary’s organization and political machines, but stress Obama’s grass roots nature. They say Hillary’s leading in the elections, but that Obama has more delegates. They focus on "momentum" to avoid the issue.
• How can two people that ugly make a baby that cute?
• I like Obama. He’s faltered a few times in the campaign, especially in the early debates, and he’s got to learn how to talk to Hillary. But he’s got a movement behind him that is contagious and that could actually change the world. But I still ain’t campaigning for anyone.

Go, Tom Cruise, Go!

Here's a video of Tom Cruise discussing why being a scientologist is totally gay. Respect to Gawker for having the balls to keep the video up, after other sites caved to Scientolgy's pressure and took it down. Here's their intro to the video:

"Yesterday, for a few hours, the clip of Tom Cruise discussing his beliefs as a Scientologist appeared on Youtube, and was republished by Radar and Defamer. That video is no longer available, most likely after the Church of Scientology sent in a copyright infringement notice. Gawker is now hosting a copy of the video; it's newsworthy; and we will not be removing it."

Pepsi Commercial

Here's an interesting new Pepsi add scheduled to premiere during the Superbowl:



Thanks to Nilda for her first contribution to the blog that didn't incorporate the words "stupid" or "boring"!

Heath Ledger

I feel strangely impacted by Heath Ledger's death this week. It's not that I thought he was such a great actor, although he was great in Brokeback and looked surprisingly good as the Joker in the trailer for the Dark Knight. But it's a shame that he died so young and left behind a two-year-old daughter who will never know him. Mostly, though, I feel that since he's now gone, I have to respect him, and that just pisses me off.

Superbowl

Having been fantastically correct in my picks for last weekend, thank you, thank you, I'm picking the Patriots to win the Superbowl. While the Giants have been playing remarkably well, the Pats are a more experienced team, having been through the pressure of a Superbowl plenty of times before. Who knows what kind of mind games the next two weeks will play with Eli Manning's head.

But it should be a good game. Phil Sheridan had a great column on this in today's Philadelphia Inquirer.

Bad Ass of the Day

Vice Admiral James Stockton was one of the most highly decorated officers in the history of the United States Navy. A naval pilot during the Vietnam War, Stockton was shot down over North Korea in September 1965 and spent seven years as a POW, in the camp prison where John McCain was held (that's a bad ass for another day).

During his seven years as a POW, he was routinely tortured and beaten, and spent four years in solitary confinement. When his captors wanted to show him off to display how well the prisoners were kept, Stockdale slit his scalp with a razor and beat himself with a stool until his face was swollen beyond recognition, so that he could not be used as propaganda. When asked who didn't make it out, he responded, "the optimists."

Stockdale was released in 1973 and received the medal of honor in 1976. He ran for VP with Perot in 1992 ("Gridlock!!") and passed away on July 5, 2005

I Just Had A Whopper

...and it was all that I'd hoped it would be. Thank you, effective Whopper commercials.

Football

I know I didn't do so well last week, but here are my picks: New England over San Diego, and (shockingly) the Giants over Green Bay. Who wants to go to Applebee's??

Cloverfield and 9/11

When there is a movie about an attack on NYC, and features main characters running for their lives and terrified because they have no idea what is happening, that is a movie about 9/11. This is not me reading too much into the story (wrong, Matt and Nilda!), and is definitely not unintended by the film's creators. Bottom line, Cloverfield is the first film to recount an attack on New York since 9/11 and there will be a lot of people in New York talking about 9/11 after the movie comes out.

A Lesson for Andrew

In lots of people's minds, the mystery of what killed the dinosaurs and other species — paving the way for the rise of mammals — was solved a couple of decades ago: a giant asteroid or comet slamming into the Earth, resulting in a dust cloud that shrouded the sun, cooled the planet dramatically and killed off plants and animals wholesale. It's a compelling story, but plenty of scientists never completely bought it.

A new book titled What Bugged the Dinosaurs, talks about how bugs that can spread disease were found in amber, against which dinosaurs wouldn't have had much resistance. The theory is that the dinos didn't all die in a massive epidemic; rather, the constant wear and tear of illness weakened the dinosaurs so that other catastrophes, like comets and volcanoes, could have finished them off.

This is combined with the Earth getting much warmer during a period called the Turonian, about 90 million years ago, when a "super-greenhouse" brought the ocean's surface temperature approached 100 degrees F, and alligators thrived in the Arctic.

Mercury

Here's a photo taken just two days ago from the MESSENGER satellite, which is only the second spacecraft in human history to fly by Mercury in human history (the first was 35 years ago). So for everyone just dying to know what Mercury looks like now...here you go. You're welcome, Irene.

Random

I was at the bank last Saturday and it seemed like they were playing "Sunglasses at Night" on the radio. I said to the girl at the counter, "Is this Corey Hart?" She said, "I don't, but I like it." My obvious response was, "Really?" She said, "Yeah, but the techno version is better." And she was right.

Remembering Hillary

Sir Edmund Hillary passed away today at the age of 88. He and Tenzing Norgay were the first to make it to the summit, and that makes them bad ass motherfuckers.

Dowd on Clinton

Here's a quote from Maureen Dowd's column in today's NYTimes, which pretty much sums up how I feel:

"There was a poignancy about the moment, seeing Hillary crack with exhaustion from decades of yearning to be the principal rather than the plus-one. But there was a whiff of Nixonian self-pity about her choking up. What was moving her so deeply was her recognition that the country was failing to grasp how much it needs her. In a weirdly narcissistic way, she was crying for us. But it was grimly typical of her that what finally made her break down was the prospect of losing."

Nicely put. Now make me a chicken pot pie.

NFL Playoff Picks

Though its a bit late, I had picked Jacksonville, Seattle, NY Giants, San Diego. Since all of these teams actually won, I'm posting my ultimate picks now, for posterity.

NFC
--Divisional--
NY Giants at Dallas = Dallas
Seattle at Green Bay = Green Bay
--Conference--
Green Bay at Dallas = Dallas

AFC
--Divisional--
Jacksonville at New England = New England
San Diego at Indianapolis = Indianapolis
--Conference--
Indianapolis at New England = New England

SUPERBOWL
New England v. Dallas = New England

I couldn't help but pick New England, after the season they just had. But something tells me that given how Jacksonville and New England have been playing in the past few weeks, its not unwise to pick Jacksonville over New England this Saturday. If that happens, I'm picking Dallas to win it all.

Celine Dion Is Amazing

Here's a post straight from Irene:

"Celine Dion is amazing. She is the most incredible performer that has ever lived, and I love Celine Dion. I celebrate her entire collection. If you didn't believe it before, this video is all the proof you need:



Once again, this is Irene, and I love Celine Dion."

Predictions for 2008

• The election will be between Obama/Richardson and McCain/Rice. Bloomberg will run as a third-party candidate. Obama will win.
• I will buy at least one piece of furniture, for which I will have very little input.
• One or more Supreme Court Justices will announce their retirement.
• The writer's strike will end in April, with new shows airing throughout the summer. At least three plot lines from new shows will include striking and/or standing around outside.
• Bush will publish a "Plan for Iraq" that no one believes will work.
• Daniel Day Lewis will win the Oscar for best actor.
• Lilah will call me "da-da."

Iowa

Man, Huckabee scares the shit out of me.

Kids Today

I don't pay much attention to the radio these days, and I'm not too hip on what the kids are listening to. Here's a link to a song about rainwear that's pretty popular.

Seriously?

This is British singer Lauren Rose's techno spin of Hava Nagila. This must be from the same people who thought giving Brittany Spear's mother a book deal was a good idea.

Motion Granted

I just learned that my motion for leave to appeal to the New York State Court of Appeals, the highest court in the state, was granted. They only accept about 5% of the cases looking to appeal, and it freaking rules that we won.

The case is Sum v. Tishman Speyers. Sum was a cleaning lady in a union who was sexually harassed at work and ultimately fired, after she complained. We brought the lawsuit in state court, and the company moved to compel arbitration, saying that under the union's collective bargaining agreement ("CBA"), she had waived her right to a jury. The court granted the motion, since the existing state law says these agreements are enforceable.

The problem is that the federal courts, and almost every court in the country, hold that these CBA jury waivers are NOT enforceable. We appealed to the mid-level court, the First Department, asking the court to essentially reverse itself and bring the law of New York State in line with the rest of the country. We lost, in a very short opinion.

Our victory today permits us to appeal to the highest court in the state, to see if we can get New York in line with the rest of the country. I'll keep you posted. This rocks.

What I Learned From Blacking Out At Our Annual Holiday Party

• RULE #1: When, at 12:30 am, after a night of drinking beer, then wine, then gin & tonics, it is NOT a good idea to switch to rum & cokes. 12:30 should be your turn around time.


• Should you fail to adhere to this RULE #1, be prepared to clean up rum & coke colored vomit in the morning.


• Should you delegate cleaning up said vomit to your wife, be prepared to offer her jewelry to compensate her.


• Waking up and not remembering how you got there is as fun as it sounds.


• Don't have a bagel and orange juice after you just threw up. Not a good idea.


• Leave the chip bowl on the coffee table overnight, so that it will be right near the sofa the next morning, just in case. Be prepared to buy Nilda a new chip bowl.


• Its better to throw up ginger ale or Sprite than to throw up nothing at all.


• It might make sense to think that you've got a virus, but its more likely that you're just really hungover, or have alcohol poisoning.
• Lord of the Rings is an amazing trilogy.


• Have the saltines & chicken soup. Nilda is right.


• Yes, you are actually dying.


• Julie is my sister and I love her.


• I am advised that I still can't take down cousin Bill.

Bad Ass Bears

Here's what random youtube browsing found:



Here's a great one of bear fight (wouldn't let me embed). Check out how the one bear craps himself. Fo' real!

What Have I Done This Year

As the New Year approaches, I thought I'd reflect on what's happened this year. So far, I:

• Got married.
• Went to Spain with Nilda.
• Made partner.
• Joined a wine of the month club.
• Worked out regularly and even did pilates in preparation for the wedding.
• Went from the best shape of my life to the worst shape of my life.
• Re-did the bedroom, including painting and getting new furniture.
• Bought a laptop.
• Watched my nieces keep getting bigger.
• Bought Guitar Hero III.
• Had an awesome bachelor party.
• Started a blog.

Overall, a pretty good year.

Cloverfield Monster

Here's the first glimpse of the monster in Cloverfield, the NY monster movie from the guy who made Lost, with the head of the Statue of Liberty getting thrown around.



Still only completing 80% of One on Guitar Hero III. I'll keep you posted.

Here's a link to the full trailer for Cloverfield, totally post-9/11. While we're at it, here's one for the new Batman movie, too.

Excuse Me

Please don't call Steve Martin a "comic genius." Otherwise, we'll have to start calling Huey Lewis a "music legend." Did you see Housesitter?

Guitar Hero Hero

It's amazing how some college kid playing Guitar Hero III with his loser friends watching can totally change my perception of what is possible for mankind.

http://www.break.com/index/1-guy-beats-hardest-guitar-hero-level.html

Ballet Thoughts

Here's some of what I was thinking on Friday night when I took Nilda to the American Ballet Theater at the City Center (the tickets were for her birthday):

1. How do I know its started if there's no talking?
2. I don't get it.
3. Yeah, she's the hottest.
4. If he's not gay, I'll bet he gets laid a lot.
5. Do you think these guys go out dancing at clubs for fun?
6. Someone actually sat down and thought about this?
7. I wonder how much they get paid for this.
8. Oh, its sort of like the circus.
9. Man, there are a lot of old people here.
10. Hey, that's Mo Rocca!
11. What did I miss?
12. I should have brought more candy.
13. I am so playing Guitar Hero III when I get home.
14. Happy birthday, Nilda.

Best Arm Wrestling Movies of All Time

1. Over the Top
1. Over the Top
1. Over the Top