Happy Birthday, Nilda!

Happy birthday, pookie butt. I love you with all my heart and I hope you're looking forward to dinner at a surprise location. I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say that if you like soup, salad and BREADSTICKS, you're going to be happy. Happy birthday. May your year be filled with teen vampire dramas, design, endless pasta bowls and more of me than you can handle. Kisses!

People To Know

Here's a list of of the top 10 occupations of people that are the most useful to have in your life:

1. Doctor - someone to call when you just need an antibiotic and don't have time to go to the doctor.
2. Contractor - because you'll always need something fixed, and an all around handyman is ideal.
3. Lawyer - at first I thought about not even including this on the list, but have since reconsidered and think it's good to have someone who knows the legal system and knows how to argue.
4. Accountant - they can take a look at your returns and make sure you're not missing anything. For free!
5. Stock broker - if you're into that kind of thing, and it would probably be easier to be into that kind of thing if a friend of yours was a stock broker.
6. IT guy - who you gonna call when your computer breaks? Dell?
7. Mechanic - someone who will take a look at your car without making you feel ripped off.
8. Policeman - not having any friends who are cops, I can only imagine that having one is a big help under the right circumstances.
9. Electrician - something electrical is going to break, or you're going to need install a light fixture, and your contractor friend isn't licenced for that.
10. Carpenter/plumber - you can never know enough people who know how to fix shit.

Others that didn't make the top ten: parking professional (having someone who can get you a spot at a lot for free is awesome. thanks, Forrest), butcher (for fun), mortgage broker/insurance salesman (when you need him, you need him, and it's free so it's great), tailor (to fix your pants), chef (great dinner parties), politician/judge (more of a fantasy), bartender (this seems to be more of a benefit for girls), account representative for a branding agency (wait, what? who needs that?).

Badass Of The Day: Paul Brown

Paul Brown is arguably the most influential and important coach in professional football history. Born in 1909 in Ohio, he played quarterback in high school and college, at the Miami University of Ohio, but was too small for Ohio State or professionally (he was only 140 lbs). He returned to his high school alma mater as a football coach, with a 80 victories, 8 defeats and 2 ties over 9 seasons. Brown was nominated by the high-school coaches association to become the head coach for Ohio State in 1941, which many thought was to get him out of their league. He led Ohio State to a Big Ten championship before being commissioned into the navy in 1943.

After the war, Brown was signed to be coach and general manager of Cleavland's team in the new (and doomed) All-America Football Conference ("AAFC"), a rival to the NFL. The team was dubbed "the Browns" in honor of Brown, in a contest where fans named the team. The Browns won all four championships in the AAFC from 1946-49. Brown went on to found the Cincinnati Bengals and won seven NFL conference titles and three championships from 1950-62.

Brown's innovations changed the game of football, and included:

• Brown was the first to use game film to evaluate players and to teach new plays to players.
• Brown introduced playbooks and classroom instruction to professional football.
• Brown was the first to hire full-time, year-round assistant coaches, instead of part-time assistant coaches. He used these assistants' contacts at colleges to develop a scouting system.
• Brown was the first to give players intelligence and psychological tests to judge their ability to learn and improve.
• He was the first to test speed in the 40-yard dash.
• He was the first to use players as messengers to call plays to the quarterback.
• Brown was the first to station assistants high in the stadium to get a better view of the plays, with a telephone to the bench.
• Brown invented the face mask.
• Brown believed that the solid foundation of a football team was blocking and tackling.
• Brown was strict that his players be able to write out plays from memory. He once fired an All-American rookie who failed one of these tests.
• Brown insisted that his players clean up the image of professional football players, implementing rules against smoking, swearing and going to nightclubs. He required that his players wear coats and ties on the road.

Stealing From Irene's Blog, Again

Because really, where else can you find this stuff?


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On Notice

As the most important blog of all time, it is my responsibility to foster and mentor younger, blogs. It reflects my commitment to the future. But sometimes, new blogs don't live up to their end of the bargain. You started a blog because it looks fun and easy, only to learn that it can be a pain in the ass. So you forget about your blog and ignore the responsibility that you assumed. So all those errant blogs to the right -- and you know who you are -- are all on notice. Show some commitment. Poop or get off the internets.

P.S. - I now have "All The Single Ladies" as my ring tone. This officially makes me the coolest person of all time.

An Admission

Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" is a great song and she sounds great singing it. There. I said it. Let the healing begin.

Kanye Interrupts Obama

Chinese Guy v. Kanye West

Japanese Toilet Humor

Toilettes japonaises piégées - Koreus

I Need To Stop Using The Word "Wicked" So Often

• I need a good idea for an interesting blog. Any ideas? Or are you just going to keep bitching, Matt?
• Go Iggles. I'm trying to think of ideas that do not involve football. It's harder than it sounds.
• Dexter season 3 was amazing. If you have not watched Dexter yet, put it in your queue. Yes, I assume that everyone else has netflix, too.
• I think I have to buy the Beatles Rock Band. It's not that I'm dying to play Rock Band, but come on, it's the Beatles. I'm probably going to have to get the remasters, too. I'll bet they're amazing.
• A public option for health insurance sounds like a really good deal to me. I'd probably save a fortune.
• Nilda has started watching Gossip Girl. God help us all.

Kingda Ka

Nilda and I went to Great Adventure (Gran Aventura!!!!) on Sunday and it was awesome. I'd never been and it was great. Nilda, of course, hurt her neck on all the roller coasters, because only Nilda would hurt her neck on a roller coaster. Needless to say, we spent the NJTransit trip back to NY on Monday looking up "whiplash" on webmd. Our children are going to be remarkable athletes.

My favorite coaster was the Kingda Ka, a stupid name for the fastest (0 to 128 mph in 3 seconds) and largest (456 feet) roller coaster in the world. It's only a 50 second ride, shooting the car from a launcher onto a straight, vertical spiral, up and then down again. Nilda spent all day working up the courage to go on it and is VERY PROUD of herself for going on it! Except now she can't turn her head. Good times.



I also liked the El Toro roller coaster, and yes I realize that "the" and "el" mean the same thing, so that "the El Toro" really doesn't make sense grammatically. Sue me. It has the steepest drop of any wooden roller coaster in the world (76 degrees) and is the third fastest (70 mph). As high as it is, it's still less than half the height of Kingda Ka, but is an intense ride.



Then I kicked the old dancing guy in the teeth and had funnel cake. What a great day!

Nilda, Destroyer of Plants, Vanquisher of Flora