The Cruise

• Everyone says I'm a planner. I say I just think things through.
• Going to the beach every day was a good plan, Irene.
• Cruises are inherently cheesy, with dance shows, 50s parties and ho downs (none of which we did). Still, there's something nice about watching people enjoy the cheesy stuff.
• It took a couple of days to learn how to deal with that much intake of food. After one particularly bad moment staring at a lamb shank, I got things under control. By the end, I was up to 4 appetizers, 2 entrees, and 2 deserts, no problem.
• I gained 8 pounds in 9 days. Nice!
• When you get to dinner at 9:30, and they wind up turning the lights on while you're eating an entree, you know you're eating late.
• I'm trying to think of something clever to say about the food-to-poop ratio. I've got nothing.
• Sit down meals are way better than the buffet, with slow people who have no clue that other human beings also exist in this world. Btw, I'm not very patient. I discriminate against the stupid.
• Things I didn't pack enough of: slacks, shirts and underwear. I had plenty of socks.
• Apparently, the plan was for Nilda to get a piece of jewelry for our one-year anniversary. I was only made aware of this plan after Nilda picked out the ring she liked.
• It cost me $12 to spend 10 minutes writing an email to the family. Nilda's still pissed at me for it.
• Jeremy, Irene, Nilda and I played pinochle all the time. Coincidentally, this was also the closest that we every came to fighting amongst ourselves. It was like old times, except without Mary's 42 point bids (which we all agreed she always makes).
• Jeremy and Irene are way too good at counting cards in pinochle.
• Favorite line from Ratatouille (a bad name for a good movie): "I don't like food, I love food, and if I don't love it, I don't swallow." That's what she said.
• I will never understand the people who forgo the sit down dinner for the buffet or (gasp!), a cheeseburger for dinner.
• I read Philip Roth's "Everyman," a fantastic book about an older man lamenting his lost youth. The irony was not lost on me.
• "Neap tide" is an actual term. Still, it was fun to mercilessly taunt Irene for having made it up. We really neaped her a new one.
• We spent Saturday night at the El San Juan resort, which was fantastic and WAY better than going home right from the cruise. I woke up before 8:00 am on Sunday to get one of the beds by the pool, where I promptly fell asleep for 2 hours. It...was...awesome.
• The best beach weather is partly cloudy.
• As part of our nightly martini sessions, explaining why we were always late for dinner, I ordered a "Campini" one time, a Campari martini. This was positively the worst tasting thing I've ever put in my mouth. That's what she said. Nilda told me to "man up," until she tasted it and it was so bad that it brought her to tears.
• Jeremy thinks that the worst part of being in a cruise ship band is playing when no one is listening. I say the worst part is playing "Redemption Song" every day for months on end.
• Surprisingly great song: "Private Eyes" by Hall & Oates.
• Did you know that you can burn the insides of your elbows? I didn't. Also, sand doesn't prevent sunburn on your feet the way it's supposed to.
• Irene: "I don't go on vacation to wear closed-toed shoes."
• Jeremy doesn't like to be the line leader. Following his lead lasts about 2 minutes, until he turns around to ask you where we're going.
• I'm sending Irene to coffee and bailey's anonymous, to deal with her coffee and bailey's addiction.
• My favorite beach was this deserted island we took a water taxi to in Bonaire. The only carbon footprint we left was a lot of pee and Jeremy's hat. RIP, Jeremy's hat.
• Filling out the questionnaire at the end, Nilda and I were unsure how to respond when asked if the cruise met your expectations. When you're expectations are through the roof, saying they were met just doesn't seem fair.
• We all agreed that getting off the plane in NY was one of the worst moments in our lives.
• We had a fantastic time with Jeremy and Irene, and its great to know we've got such good friends. It was a neaping good time.
• We took 242 pictures, and that's not including the ones Jeremy and Irene took. Give us a little time to get them together.
• This cruise marked our one-year wedding anniversary, to which Nilda noted, "Can you believe it, papi? One year! And I didn't kill you!" Happy anniversary, Nilda. I love you, too.