Live Blogging The Trial

So we started a trial today. I know that I said we were starting a trial a few weeks ago, but that one settled. This one, despite my best hopes, is actually going forward, and I'm on board. There have been no real settlement discussions (or interest from the defendant), so we're going forward with nothing to lose. I've decided to enjoy it.

Today was jury selection and openings. We were out by 1:00 pm. You have to love federal court. Contrast this with my experience on jury duty a few weeks ago in state criminal court, where it took more than one day to pick a jury for a 2 day trial. This was a different experience, but you can count on people to do everything they can to get out of jury duty. The irony is that everyone who actually sits on a jury enjoys the experience and talks about it every opportunity they can. "It was really interesting," seems to be the universal description.

Anyway, we've got a jury and our client takes the stand tomorrow. You spend years preparing for this moment and there it is. Everyone builds up trials, but it's really not such a big deal when you're there. You go in, you try your case, and the jury sees what it sees. What's not to like?

In far more important news, Nilda won a bid on a new chair. I'm told that my life is now complete. Hooray, he said dryly. (The truth is, the chair is wicked comfortable and it's the same one that Jack Donaghy has on 30 Rock. It rocks, but don't tell Nilda I said that).

In Defense Of Times Square

Yes, Times Square is loud, crowded and full of zombies infected with the tourism. But the new pedestrian zones have made it tolerable. There's more room to avoid the tourists, who travel in herds. And the tourists, they're all so happy to be there. Even the snotty teenage girls can't help but feel cool and take pictures of themselves. It's nice to see people enjoying Times Square, even if it's a cliche for you. I'm not saying go and hang out there, but walking through isn't so bad.

Beating The Neighbors At Monopoly

The neighbors came over on Saturday and, over Nilda's objections, we had a massive game of Monopoly. We all know that I can take Monopoly a little too seriously, but this game was different. This wasn't like playing with lawyers. There was no merging. There were no hard core negotiations. There was no long discussion of rules, full of hypotheticals and policy arguments. This was just a straight up four-person death match. And it didn't end pretty. Check out this board.

I got the green monopoly, which everyone knows is the best monopoly, and all of the railroads. Really. And this was after I negotiated immunity on the yellows. I was even able to put monopolies on the dark blues, which everyone knows is a waste. It's not that I wanted to be so successful in the cut throat world of paper money real estate, it just happened. Sorry, Mike and Jen.

The game finally ended when I landed on free parking, at a time when I absolutely didn't need it.

Thanks for coming over, Mike and Jen. Hope to see you guys real soon after the baby is born. The lesson of the evening: Brian takes Monopoly way too seriously. Don't mess with the master.

How To Talk Like A Lawyer

Notes taken while defending a deposition, for the benefit of mankind:

• Never give an exact date. Everything is "approximately."
• Use phrases like "in or around" instead of "-ish."
• "Yes" or "no" or any similar definitive answers are not acceptable. Usually.
• If you have something insightful or revealing to say, don't ever write it down.
• You are never wrong. If you do happen to be wrong, make a big deal about it to show everyone how magnanimous you are.
• Use big words like "magnanimous."
• If you can't remember something, say you can't remember "at this time," so that you can "remember" later on.
• Say "I don't recall" instead of "no."
• Use the phrase "refresh your recollection," even though it sounds creepy.
• If you are going to mischaracterize what someone has said, start off by saying, "I don't want to mischaracterize what you said, but..."
• Invite people to speculate by asking them not to speculate. For example, "I don't want you to speculate, but..."

Breaking News

• Breaking news: Nilda and I are going to Cabo the first week in May for our third anniversary. The problem with planning a vacation is that you have to sit and wait months for it. The more pressing problem is that this gives Nilda plenty of time to attempt to get my sorry ass in shape.
• Now that it's getting warm again, I'm back to running again. I'm going through the park listening to Phish, like it's months ago.
• Thank God February is over. Winter is something to survive. Once February is over, you can see the end.
• The storm over the weekend was worse than I thought. Trees were falling and shit! Someone woke up on Sunday and learned they were having a bad morning.

• The most popular blog post ever: "Zodiaq Bianco Carrara Quartz Countertop Compare Look Review." At least twice a week, I get a spam comment on this post. Finally, I have earned the recognition and public approval I deserve.
• I've signed up for myfooddiary.com to keep track of what I'm eating. It's amazing how motivating a little sad face because you (a) didn't exercise today or (b) had too many saturated fats and/or sodium, can be. Curse you, Haagen Daaz!
• Nilda luuuvs her design shows and now she's got me hooked on Sarah's House. It's a Canadian show where this Candadian designer buys a Canadian house and renovates it. She goes through all the headaches and problems of a renovation and somehow comes out the other side with a great house. Once you can get beyond the Canadian accent ("Let's check the prohgress on the hause."), it's addictive. Curse you, Nilda!
• P.S. - Zima still exists. Seriously.

Badass Of The Day: Matt Lauer

Karl Rove was the architect of the Bush agenda, yet he's largely been forgotten. He's safe on Fox News and, at most, a relic of a long ago time we're all happy to forget. Now he even has a book out re-writing history. So who's the one holding him accountable? Who's the only person out there asking questions that can make Rove squirm? Matt friggin' Lauer. I always thought of Matt Lauer as the cheesy guy with Katie Couric. But he ripped Karl Rove's balls out through his ass and then mailed them to Dick Cheney. Good job, Matt.

Oscar Picks

Oscar picks have nothing to do with the movies. The winner selected is either (1) the person everyone wants to win, otherwise known as who's turn it is, or (2) the person or film that the most amount of voters have an incentive to win, which explains why Crash won best film. This is why I rock the office Oscar pool. Here are this year's picks:

• Picture: Avatar
• Director: James Cameron
• Actor: Jeff Bridges
• Actress: Sandra Bullock
• Supp. Actor: Christopher Walz
• Supp. Actress: Mo'Nique

The real race this year is between Hurt Locker and Avatar for best picture and, James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow for best director. The common belief is that one movie will win for director, the other for best film, though no one can tell which movie will win for which category. I say that both of those voters will cancel each other out and that Avatar will win for both. Yeah, there's some new system of voting, but I don't understand it so it doesn't matter. You are mine, $75.

P.S. - The return of Mary has not been lost on me. Keep writing, we're loving it. It's good to have you back.

Running

As anyone who knows me is already aware, I am a health and fitness nut. Exercise and a healthy diet is extremely important to me. Since we've moved, I've enjoy running through Inwood Hill Park in the mornings on pretty much a daily basis. There are a few times, however, when running is simply not possible. Let's take a look. I can't run:

• When it's cold.
• When it's hot.
• When it's dark.
• Uphill.
• Downhill.
• When I'm tired.
• When I have to get up early.
• When I'm going to be up late that night.
• In the rain.
• In the snow.
• When it looks like it might rain or snow.
• When I don't feel like it
• Daylight savings time.
• Jewish high holidays.
• And everyone's favorite, when Nilda tells me I don't have to.

As you can see, my motto is just do it. No excuses, Nilda.

SNL: Olympics On Telemundo

Goodbye, Suit

Goodbye, brown suit. It's been wonderful. We've seen a lot together. You showed me what the color "mushroom" is. But it's time to move on. I tried to delay this for as long as possible. I designated you the suit I wear in the snow, but even now that is too much. It's the end of an era. Goodbye, old friend. Te extrano .

The Apple Store...

...is an age discrimination case waiting to happen. I went in there tonight and saw only people in their 20's and 30's. It's like Children of the Corn, where people who reach a certain age are sent off into the corn to be sacrificed to He Who Walks Behind the Rows. He wants you too, Malachai.

I get the logic for wanting only young faces in the store. Apple wants to project an image that is hip and cutting edge, and thinks that it needs young employees to accomplish that. It also plays off the stereotype that only young people are good at new technology.

But this logic doesn't hold up in reality. If you've got a question at the store, you're only going to be able to talk to some kid with no real experience. It's like speaking to the assistant manager at Wendy's. They even have the same headsets. People who have been with Apple for years will be removed just as they become valuable, in favor of a kid with no experience. It also sends a terrible message to new employees. A job with Apple is a job with no future. Luckily for Apple, the kids they hire don't think that far ahead.

People should be judged based on their experience and qualifications, not just on their age. This policy based on age keeps out the experienced people that are in the best position to help the company. The longevity and experience that has let Steve Jobs turn Apple into the company it is today is tossed aside in favor of a young face. Jobs is too old to work in one of his own stores.

I'm not saying I'm camping outside of the Apple store looking for clients. But if you're sent into the corn, give me a call.

Shani Davis

Shani Davis is now the first speed skater to win two consecutive gold medals in the 1,000 race. While not a badass of the day, he's interesting enough to earn a post.

• Davis started on roller skates when he was 2. He started ice skating at age 6. His mother, Cherie Davis, worked for an attorney with a speed skating son who recommended that Davis try speed skating.
• When he was very young (around 10), Davis and his mother moved from the south side of Chicago to the North side so he could be close to a speed skating ice rink.
• Davis is an African-American athlete in an all white world. His mother, a single mom, has earned a reputation for being overprotective and overly aggressive.
• When Davis' mother mentioned Michael Phelps’s mother, another single mother of a world-class athlete, she said, “she talks about all they had to go through. I have to laugh. She has no idea.”
• Davis said of his mother, "Some of the best things in my life have happened to me because I listened to my mother. And some of the worst things in my life have happened to me because I listened to my mother."
• In the 2006 Olympics in Turin, Italy, he won a gold in the 1,000 meters and a silver in the 1,500.
• Davis was accused of making the 2006 team because his teammate Apolo Ohno eased up in a race. An arbitrator determined discredited that claim but Davis was still pissed about it.
• Davis is primarily a long track speed skater, but also trains as a short track racer. He is known as one of the best turners in the sport (he doesn't lose speed going into turns), which he credits to his short track experience.
• Davis does not train or travel with the US team or use the same coaches. He gets along great with everyone from other countries. Speed skating is an individual sport and Davis thrives on the competition. He does not want to give anything away.
• Davis is barely known in the US, but is a huge star in the Netherlands, where speed skating is the country's most popular sport.
• Stephen Colbert made a big push to support the US speed skating team. Davis called Colbert a "jerk," possibly in response to Colbert's skit that was satirical against Canadians. (Colbert and Davis have since reconciled, and all is right in the world.)
• Davis relies on a panel of coaches rather than one single coach. He looks at them almost like consultants to address specific issues.
• He is 6-foot-2 and 185 pounds, which is large for long track and a giant for short track.
• Davis' website has a flash intro page and everything. He's even got a logo.

The Winter Olympics

I love the Olympics. I love watching competitors who have spent their whole lives training for sports that I've never seen or heard of before. Even if it's not important to the rest of the world, it's important to someone. What's not to like. Here's a history on some of the various sports, some of which are surprisingly recent:

The Winter Olympics - The first international multi-sport event specifically for winter sports were the Nordic Games, held in 1901 in Sweden, and were then held every four years thereafter. The organizer, General Viktor Gustaf Balck of Norway, was a charter member of the International Olympic Committee and tried to have these games included in the Olympics. Figure skating was included in the 1908 summer games in London and a week of winter sports were held at the 1912 Olympics in Stockholm. The games were suspended in 1916 due to the outbreak of World War I. An "International Winter Sports Week" was to be held at the 1924 Olympics in France, which soon was retroactively designated as the first Winter Olympics, featuring 16 events.

Biathlon - The biathlon tests the balance of rifle marksmanship with physical exertion. It started out as an exercise for Norwegian soldiers in the 1800s, as an alternative training. The first club was formed in Norway in 1861, to promote national defense at the local level. The biathlon, then called "military patrol," was held at the games in 1924, but did not become an Olympic sport until 1960. Women were first permitted to compete in the Olympic biathlon in the 1992 games in Alberta.

Luge - Like the skeleton and the bobsled, luge originated at a hotel in the health-spa town of St Moritz, Switzerland, in the mid-to-late 1800s. The first recorded use of the term "luge" is from 1905, coming from either the French word meaning "small coasting sled" or a Gaulish word with the same root as English sled.English guests began adapting delivery boys' sleds for recreation, which led to them learning how to steer. Ultimately, a "half-pipe" was built in 1870 to avoid pedestrian collisions, at track which is still in use today. The first organized meeting of the sport took place in 1883 in Switzerland. The luge became part of the Olympics in 1964.

Ski jumping - Ski jumping originates from Norway, where Olaf Rye, a Norwegian lieutenant, jumped 8.5 meters in 1809. The first proper competition was held in 1862. Ski jumping has been part of the Olympics since 1924, though the Large Hill competition was not included until the 1964 games in Innsbruck. The IOC rejected a proposal to allow female ski jumping in 2009. A Canadian judge ruled that while the IOC's policy was discriminatory, Canada did not have jurisdiction over the IOC.

Speed skating - Speed skating dates back over a millennium to Scandinavia, Northern Europe and the Netherlands, where the natives added bones to their shoes and used them to travel on frozen rivers, canals and lakes. Skating for recreation did not develop until the 1500s. In 1592, a Scotsman a skate with a iron blade. The first official skating club opened in 1642 and the first race took place in 1763. The sport became popular in North America in the mid 1800s, where the all-steel blade was developed, which was both lighter and sharper. Speed skating was supposed to be held at the 1916 Olympics, until it was put off because of WWI. It was part of the 1924 Olympics. Short track originated in North America and was officially sanctioned in the 1970s, becoming an Olympic sport in 1992.

Figure skating - "A Treatise on Skating" (1772) by Englishman Robert Jones, is the first known account of figure skating. In the mid-1860s, an American named Jackson Haines introduced a new style of skating, which incorporated free and expressive techniques. Haines is now considered the "father of modern figure skating," though his style was not adopted in the United States until long after his death. The International Skating Union was founded in 1892 and the first World Championship was held in 1896. Women competed for the first time in 1902. Pairs skating was introduced at the 1908 World Championships. Figure skating debuted at the Olympics in 1908.

Superbowl Halftime

The Who was awesome. Yeah, they've been around a while, but they know exactly who they are and don't give a shit what you think. It was the best halftime show since U2 in the Superbowl after 9/11. Next year, though, it's time for the big guns. I'm pushing for Chuck Mangione.



By the way, we're picking a jury in federal court tomorrow, a woman fired after she came back from cancer. I may not be blogging for a little while, as a result. Please, try to cope, as hard as the thought may be.

8 O'Clock Ranch

No one should be this excited about meat. Nilda and I signed up for a CSA ("community sponsored agriculture") with 8 O'Clock Ranch, a beef, pork and lamb ranch in up up upstate New York near the border of Canada. A CSA essentially allows you to purchase a "share" of a particular farm, a designated amount for a specific price. This means that between March and May, Nilda and I will be getting a shitload of meat. Here's why this is awesome:

• All of the cattle and sheep are grass fed, like they always were until corporate agriculture thought it would be cheaper to change everything and feed them grains.
• The fat in the meats have a yellowish twinge, from the beta-carotene in the grass.
• A six-ounce piece of grass-fed beef has about 100 calories less than its grain-fed counterpart.
• The animals are "humanely raised," meaning that there are no unhealthy living conditions or feedlots and the animals are free to pasture. Babies stay with their moms until weaned.
• The meat is dry-aged, which you won't find at the grocery store and makes the meat taste so much better.
• It's a tastier, better steak than I've ever had before. We got NY strip steaks before and it was the best I'd ever had. Even the ground beef is better than the supermarket.
• We had tried beef from a different ranch about a year ago that was good, but no where near as good as 8 O'Clock.
• They do not use any pesticides, hormones or herbicides. They only use antibiotics if the animal has a life-threatening illness (the last time was 3 years ago) and, then they will not include it in their herd.
• They are not "certified organic," which is because they don't want to have to comply with the expensive and, they say, unnecessary paperwork requirements to be designated organic.
• The bacon is, literally, the best bacon I've ever had.
• It's surprisingly well-priced. Not cheap, but no where near what you'd expect, and definitely cheaper than the specialty meat shops.
• It's a small family-owned organization that works the land themselves. When you call to place your order, you're talking to one of the owners. Nilda and Kassandra are on a first-name basis.
• The cuts are individually vacuum-sealed and delivered frozen by overnight delivery.

Since the CSA half-share we got doesn't start until March, the right thing to do was buy a shit-load of meat to last us the rest of February. The pic above is what we just got delivered. To prove it, here's the receipt:

Here are the short ribs Nilda's making on Sunday, when Andrew and Harley come over with the kids for the Superbowl:

Harley's not allowed to have any. And check out this porterhouse:

Food tastes better when you know where it's coming from. Btw, Food, Inc. was nominated for an Oscar. Holla!

Jon Stewart On Obama's Meeting With The GOP

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The Wire: Season 1

I promised Irene that if she lent me Season 1 of The Wire, I'd follow up in a blog post, so here it is, Irene. Yes, The Wire is incredible. An amazing show. Even Nilda loved it and, believe me, it was not easy to get her to start watching. Even then, it still took a few episodes to get her into it.

In trying to write why I like the show, I realize that I'm only blogging for the people who read this who actually watch The Wire. Both of them. Irene and Jeff. Hey, guys. You got me to watch it so thanks. Everything about it is complicated. Even at the big conclusion, no one is happy about the resolution. A cop show that I could actually like. Season 2: Disc 1 is number one on the netflix queue. Ok, that's enough.

By the way, Irene, this post on your "blog" was amazing. (It's about the relative size of everything in the universe so save your comments, people.)

Live Blogging The State Of The Union

Man, is this boring. I feel like I should watch it but I don't want to. Let's move on.

Yes, The Wire is a great show. We're up to episode 6 of the first season and we're totally into it. Naturally, I looked it up on wikipedia. It's written by a former police reporter who had previously worked on Homicide: Life on the Streets. NBC didn't like the show's pessimism so he took The Wire to HBO. HBO didn't want a police drama, but took a shot and here we are. More than a police drama, it's about life in a city, where everything is interconnected.

I need a new email address. It used to be that creating a clever email address was as important as coming up with a great answering machine message. Now, the kids can't come up with anything better than firstname_lastname@gmail.com. Therefore, my email address that is not only "boywonder" but is on aol!!! is just not cool enough. Kids today. Humpf.

Nilda and I had dinner at the CIA over the weekend (which was great) and discovered the Vesper martini. 3 parts gin, 1 part vodka, 1/2 part lillet blanc, shaken over ice, not stirred, until cold. It's what James Bond drinks. How is this not perfect?

We stayed at a bed & breakfast when we were upstate for the weekend. Bed & breakfasts are weird. You're basically staying at a stranger's house and then they make you eat there in the morning. What kind of a person wants to invite strangers over to their house and make them eat stuffed french toast the next morning? I don't get it. Still had a great time.

Tips For New Laywers

• The law is like Tetris. You get yourself into problems and have to work your way out of them.
• Legal research is probably your most significant task at this point. It is representative of everything else you will do in the law. If one query doesn't work, keep finding another way around the issue and don't give up.
• Do not underestimate the importance of picking up lunch during a trial. It's one of the most important jobs you have.
• Write it correctly the first time. It's less work over all. Don't wait to insert citations later on.
• Trusting your client doesn't mean believing everything he says. It's your job to make sure his story makes sense, and that means questioning his story.
• Simplify your writing. Think about what you want to say, then say it. Put your main point of the paragraph in the first sentence of the paragraph. Don't try to write your way out of a problem.
• One of the worst things that can happen to you is if your client lies. The smallest lie is harder to deal with than biggest truth.
• Taking a deposition is like riding a bike. It looks really hard, until you learn how to do it. Then it makes sense.
• Any douchebag can point out the problems. The valuable douchebags solve those problems.
• Prepare fallback arguments for oral argument. Know what you will say if the judge rejects your main argument.
• Prepare a backup to your backup.
• Do not lose the moral high ground by making an argument that even you don't agree with.
• When the judge starts talking, shut your mouth.
• If the judge is making your case for you, shut your mouth.
• Don't piss off court clerks. They can be miserable people who hate their jobs, but they have entirely too much power for you to piss them off.
• Experience is the only way you will ever truly learn.
• Deal with small problems before they become big problems.
• Do not be fooled by the comfort of inaction. It may be easier to do nothing, but it's never a good idea.
• If you get nervous about a deposition or a court appearance, remember that no one in the world is better prepared or more capable than you are because you know the topic better than anyone else.
• If you are given responsibility for something, it means you can do it.
• Do your homework. Google is your best research device.
• Decide carefully how you will do things. The habits that you develop now will stay with you for the rest of your life.
• Keep track of your hours. Find a system that works for you and use it.
• For God's sake, keep your desk clean. If you're done with a file, put it away.
• Don't make arguments that don't make any sense. This is harder than it sounds when you're following the letter of the law.
• Don't think out loud, especially in front of your adversary.
• Your value is your ability to make decisions on your own.
• Be willing to stand up to your boss. If you don't show him or her that you have a backbone, they won't think you'll have one with anyone else. Don't push it.
• When all else fails, make a scene.

Books

It's amazing how productive calling Mary out on her lack of blogging has been. Good job so far, Mary. I'm making a note to put in your permanent record. Anyway, everyone seems to be blogging about the books they're reading and I'm not going to be left out. Let the fun begin:

• Game Change: This is the book by the NYMag columnist I like and some other guy that tells the behind the scenes story of the 2008 election. I read the excerpt in NYMag about John and Elizabeth Edwards. I love reading histories of social movements and this one reads like a thriller. It's an obvious choice for me.


• K2: Life and Death On the World's Most Dangerous Mountain: Everest: Beyond the Limit got me interested in mountain climbing again and the article in last Sunday's NYTimes about K2 got me interested in that mountain. This book just came out in October and is a history of different expeditions to climb K2, including the 2008 disaster that led to the deaths of many climbers. I was hesitant to get this one because it was written by Ed Viesturs, a master climber which therefore makes him a douchebag whose book I don't want to read. But this one seems to good to pass up. Matt called dibs.


• Teach Yourself Better Handwriting: Because I'm making an effort. I've always had bad handwriting. Yes, people from work, I recognize there is a problem. I remember that at the end of second grade, my teacher showed me something I had written at the beginning of the year and something I wrote the day before. She said, "Look how much better your penmanship was at the beginning of the year." And she was write, my handwriting had been much better at the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, it's only gotten worse over time and now only I can read what I write. On the other hand, I'm an excellent typer. Or is it typist? Either way, pens are for dorks.


• American Pastoral: This is a 1997 Philip Roth book that won the Pulitzer. I've started it and it's incredible, absolutely amazing. I was enveloped within a few pages. The only words I can use are visual. It's a beautiful, intricate book. I'm on page 37.

On another note, Nilda and I are two episodes in to season 1 of The Wire. It's hard to get into a show that's been so hyped up, but we're giving it a shot. Thanks to Irene and Jeff for recommending the subtitles, it's a big help. I'm impressed so far with how many levels the show operates on, how conflicted and how real the issues appear. Like the sergeant who wants is upset that one of his officers hit a kid and blinded him in one eye, yet still feels compelled to defend him. We'll see.