Away Message

Hello. I'll be out of the office next week. Suck it. I'm coming back with pictures.

My Introduction To The New Receptionist

"Brian, this is Frankie, who you met yesterday. She'll be starting on Monday."

"Wow, that's great. Hi, again, Frankie, great to hear you'll be joining us. Of course, I won't be here on Monday, so you all can go to hell. But I'll see you a week from Monday. Great! Looking forward to it!"

What's Most Important To Me

All I care about in the universe right now is making sure I get my butt on that cruise Nilda and I have planned for our one year wedding anniversary.

When is our anniversary? Good question! We technically got married in City Hall on May 1st, but we were married by the Rabbi in Punta Cana on May 5th. This year, we've decided on May 1st as our anniversary since we'll be on the cruise then and we'll be stuck back in NY on May 5th. We reserve the right to change our anniversary date election next year.

Where are we going on our cruise? Yet another good question! You must have done this before. We're flying down to San Juan, Puerto Rico, home of my kids' ancestors then going to the following ports:

- St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
- St. Kitts, St. Kitts & Nevis
- Grenada
- Bonaire, Netherlands Antilles
- Aruba
- Back to San Juan (spending the night at the El San Juan Hotel).

We fly down to San Juan on Saturday morning, the boat leaves that night. Check out the webcam next week and try to see me. I'll be the drunk one puking in the pool.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart!

Trip To Central Islip

I was rudely dragged to the Eastern District in Central Islip for a hearing on a temporary restraining order today, at the courthouse in Suffolk County. This courthouse is ridiculously gorgeous. Driving up, it's a giant white building against an empty sky. You can see the ocean from the upper floors. It looks like something between a movie theater and a space ship.

The train ride back reminded me why I don't like Long Island. All you can see are strip malls and parking spaces against a depressingly flat background. Buildings are close together, but not close enough to make it urban. It's "white ethnic," but too close to NYC to make it hick country.

We won the motion. This means that someone has to go back there next week for the more substantial hearing for a preliminary injunction. Too bad it won't be me because my bitch-ass is gonna be in the Caribbean. Woo-hoo!

Brian's Trip to the Dentist

I haven't had a cavity in 20 years. Apparently, my upper left-hand molar didn't get the memo. Putting aside the fact that I never thought I'd live to use the "20 years" phrase, I was surprised at how alarmed I was to learn about this cavity. Specifically, it was a tooth fracture with an accompanying cavity. Never underestimate how shocking the word "fracture" can be. Filled with a mix of childhood fear of the dentist and adult fear of getting old, I went through drilling, smoke from my teeth and a very large needle.

Needless to say, it's time for Act. (Is anyone other than Andrew going to get that?)

Over-analyzing & the Law

Our reply in the case before the Court of Appeals is due tomorrow. This one was hard. I'm not so worried about the arguments defendants made in their brief, as much as I'm trying to close any loopholes the court may rely on to deny the motion.

This morning, I was getting my dirty water coffee with another lawyer from the office, and we were discussing some Supreme Court cases that are involved. The dirty water coffee guy (the very same!) said, "I have no idea what you guys are talking about" or something. (Side note: he's a computer programming expert).

This got me thinking about what makes the law so intimidating. Then, washing dishes, I realize it: the law is about overthinking everything. It's about taking a simple fact pattern and analyzing the hell out of it, far beyond any reasonable limits. It's not that the law is hard, just not worth the effort for most people.

Live Blogging Yet Another Debate

• Man, I'm getting bored with this primary. I used to hang on every word in the debates, waiting to see how Obama and Clinton would respond to each other. Now I just wait to see if anyone says something new.
• Nilda's still not a fan of Hillary. Shocker!
• Things I never want to hear in a debate again: health care, Reverend Wright, Tony Rezko, NAFTA, bitter Pennsylvania voters, flag pins, social security. Surprisingly, I'm still willing to hear about Bosnia.
• Yes, we know your website is HillaryClinton.com. There's no need to prove that you know what a website is.
• Nilda's sick. That means she's unable to lift her head far enough off the sofa to reach the glass of ginger ale on the coffee table.
• Is it wrong that I get a little offended when the guy who sells the dirty water coffee in my office building says "you're welcome" after I buy coffee? Don't get me wrong, I love me some dirty water coffee, and the dirty water coffee guy is great. But shouldn't he be thanking me for buying the coffee? Is it wrong for me to say "thank you," basically making him say, "you're welcome"? If only there was an etiquette expert to help me...
• Nilda says her eyes are hot from her fever.
• I love Top Chef. I'm always amazed at what those people are able to think of off the top of their heads.
• What else is on?

Juggling Gym Teacher

This guy must be a gym teacher, right? Shout out to the Big Guy (aka Dad, aka Daddy-poo if you're Julie) for the link.

Live Blogging Babysitting

• I am really starting to regret volunteering to change a poopy diaper. I'm in luck so far.
• My response to Andrew's text asking how things are: "We're still looking for Lilah, but she's got to be around here somewhere."
• Lilah cries when she can't have the things she wants, just like her daddy!
• Lilah's most effective form of communication is a vigorous shake of the head "no." There is no similar communication for "yes."
• Harley's catalog of menus, organized by cuisine and bearing the more-than-slightly-gay name "Menuliscious," is surprisingly convenient.
• If I'm not going to hold Lilah while standing, then she's going to teach me a lesson and fall lifeless to the floor.
• All right, 16-month-old, you win this round.
• Lilah likes to double fist her graham crackers.
• Next time I babysit, I demand that beer be provided. And chocolate.
• I think she's finally figured out that I'm not daddy. Dammit.
• It's 10:00, Lilah. Do you know where your parents are?
• I admit it. I can't babysit without Nilda.

London Calling

A client of mine explained to me recently why London is becoming the financial capital of the world: time zones. A global manager can be in London, with managers in Asia, Europe and the US, and never be more than a few hours away. If the same manager were in New York, on the other hand, the time difference between her and Asia would be much less manageable, making London a more convenient and logical location. Looks like the Brits knew what they were doing when they set the time zones.

You might have already known this, but it's news to me, and if you're reading this, it's news to you, too. You're welcome, world!

Mets Get Rickrolled

The Mets' campaign to find an eighth inning sing-along song to replace "Sweet Caroline" backfired. Instead of selecting from the ten songs selected, the winner was write-in campaign for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."

The full story is actually much more interesting, and its in the article Jeremy sent to me.

Music For Mary

Mrs. Pookiebear recently told me that as much as she loves Cake and Bruce Springsteen, she was looking for for new music and asked me for thoughts. Trying to give her a mix of new music and stuff that I thought she'd like, here's how I responded:

Thank you! And you've come to the right spot. Here's some obscure and not so obscure bands I would recommend:

• Mates of State (a husband and wife duo with two kids who write fantastic songs, you may remember me playing you some of their stuff when you were in NY. Get Team Boo, its their best album, followed up a close second by Our Constant Concern. I've loved them ever since I saw them open for Cake years ago. I link to their blog, band on the diaper run).
  
• Matt Pond PA (from NY, despite the name, great classic songs. I listened to Several Arrows Later non-stop for a few months. The more recent Last Light isn't as good, but I never like the more recent album after I love the second).
  
• The Shins (Matt might have heard of them, they've been around a while and have great songs. My favorite album is Wincing the Night Away, but a lot of other people like Chutes Too Narrow. Don't play in front of Irene, unless you want to hear Irene sing. Love you, Irene!).
  
• Vampire Weekend (haven't actually heard the full album yet, but they were on SNL and blew me away. Preppy boys from Columbia U playing ska, and playing pretty well).
  
• Regina Spektor (she became big when her song made it on to Grey's Anatomy, you've probably heard it. The album is Begin to Hope. She actually used to play at sidewalk, but not enough to get trapped there. You'll like this one, too).
  
• The Strokes (I know you've heard of them, but not sure if you've actually listened to them. They rock.).

This was fun! Let me know when I can turn this into a blog post.

Happy birthday, Pookie!!!

Friday Morning

Woman: Is this the D?

Brian: No.
Everyone else on the train: Yes, it is!
Brian: Oh. Yes, it is.

Random Thoughts

• The campaigns are turning positive. In two articles in the NYTimes today, both Maureen Dowd and Katharine Seelye (I've never heard of her, either), discussed how Clinton's staying in the race is a good thing. It keeps voters in states like Montana, with late primaries, engaged in the process like never before, which is good for the party, in the long term. They're also talking about how Clinton has made Obama a better candidate, which I've been saying for months.
• Obama suggested that instead of spending money in Iraq, we could give scholarships to students in the crowd. He knows his audience.
• Obama never uses the Windsor knot on his ties, probably because he's skinny. I still can't get over the fact that I know what a Windsor knot is.
• I haven't stopped watching the video of Imogen Heap from Andrew's blog. I don't think I'd like her studio recordings, but this video is incredible.
• Obama floating that he'd consider Gore for a cabinet-level position, or higher (whatever that means), is a great teaser for the environmental community. It's a fantastic idea to have a senior-level member of the administration focusing on the environment, and Gore is the obvious choice.
• Obama was wrong when he said no one could have predicted 9/11. The truth is that many people in the intelligence community predicted 9/11, and that it was Condoleezza Rice's fault that this intelligence didn't get to the President. But that's for another post.
• Fuck it, I'm doing it in this one.
• Condoleezza Rice's job as NSA advisor was to gather the intelligence and make a recommendation for the President. When questioned by the 9/11 commission, she turned her job on its head, stating that function was to convey the President's thoughts to those around him.
• Clinton had an advisor on domestic terrorism that he consulted almost every day, Richard Clarke, especially in the heightened alert before Y2k. One of the first things Bush did was demote Clark, forcing him to report to Rice. Rice failed to tell the President about the dangers Clarke was repeatedly warning her about.
• Obama's statement that he would not punish the messenger of bad news is important. Bill Clinton used to scribble all over his daily briefings, asking questions that would be answered within days. W's daily briefings were abbreviated and sent back without any questions; he preferred an oral presentation.
• This book on the 9/11 commission that Nilda got me is awesome!
• As well respected as Rice is, her failures and responsibility with respect to 9/11 will preclude her from being considered for McCain's VP. My prior prediction was wrong. That's right, I said it!

Problem With Obama

Obama was on the Today show this morning with Ann Curry (ahh, Ann Curry...), and he made me question my support in a way I did not think possible. Obama was asked two very simple questions, easy softballs, and he got them WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Question #1: Coffee or tea? Duh, its coffee. Tea is for parties and mushrooms, everyone knows that. Obama's answer? Tea. Ok, ok, we can deal with this. Maybe he's just not a coffee guy, it's how he keeps so even-tempered. We'll get him some cafe con leche and he'll learn.

Question #2: Beatles or Rolling Stones? Obama's answer: the Rolling Stones, like a fist through my heart.

HOW CAN I VOTE FOR A PRESIDENT WHO PREFERS THE ROLLING STONES OVER THE BEATLES?!?! Doesn't he appreciate the subtle nuances of the Beatles, their ability to reflect what was around them, to be influenced as much as they influenced? How is he going to understand the motivations of those around them, to deal with Iraq and the Republicans if he doesn't understand the value of the second side of the White Album?

Yes, Nilda, I know that Clinton is a "huge" Stones fan, and that makes sense. She focuses on the big issues, so I can see her preferring the Stones. But Obama is supposed to understand complexities, which formed the core of what was so groundbreaking about the Beatles. How can he not see that?! It's all I can do to keep from huddling in the shower.

This is all on top of Obama having bowled a 37 over the weekend. A 37! Were you even trying?!?! I bowled a few weeks ago and did horribly, but at least I got a 90. Even Nilda broke 70. How can he learn to adapt as President if he can't do it while bowling? Don't you know to aim with your thumb? Keep your arm straight when moving the ball back! C'mon! No mercy!

PS - You have to give respect to Clinton for her challenge to Obama to bowl for delegates in a "bowl off." Way to capitalize on April Fool's Day.