Driving Into Suburbia

We went to Stew Leonards on Saturday and it was everything I hoped it would be. We had stopped in there before, but this was the first time we had made a special trip just to Stew Leonards. I bought all kinds of shit and I look forward to eating at least two-thirds of it.

After Stew Leonards, Nilda suggested we drive up Broadway and see what’s there. See, Nilda? We’re using the car for activities! Living this far up, the prospect of venturing into the unknown north was daunting, yet we forged ahead anyway. The problem was that we ended up in Yonkers.

While we were lost in Yonkers (get it? neither did Nilda), we (1) made a return at DSW, (2) ate at a Pizzeria Uno’s and (3) saw a movie, all without leaving the same strip mall. We saw The Fighter and loved it. It was date night in suburbia. The best part was that we could drive home and didn’t have to take the subway. I realized that one of the reasons we don’t see many movies any more is because of the horrible 45 minute subway ride afterwards, which is awkwardly depressing.

We went to a car wash on the way back, which I had never done before. For just $6, the car went from the dry dog shit gray color it was because of the dirt and salt, back to black. It’s not like I can wash the car myself, since I don’t even have a hose, and I didn’t even have to get out of the car. I love paying people to do things for me.

We also took down the Christmas tree, which is way more difficult than it sounds. They don’t teach Christmas tree removal in Hebrew school. The thing dries no matter how much water you give it, so that the arms twist like they’re desperately trying to hold on to the ornaments and the needles look to jump ship like they’re on the titanic. By the time we got it out of the apartment, it looked like a Christmas tree Holocaust.

Things took a turn for the worse when Nilda woke (me) up at 4:00 in the morning to discover that she now has the chickenpox, which she’s never had before. Nilda blames me for this, since I had shingles two weeks ago. I say how can anyone over the age of 10 never have had the chickenpox? I'm going to have to talk to Stella about this. I am sorry I gave you chicken pox, sweetheart. Feel better!!

Making things even worse, the Eagles lost in the playoffs to the Green Bay Packers. I watched with my neighbor Mike, who is a Packer fan. This sounds like a bad idea, but he was convinced that the Packers would lose because all the commentators were picking them to win. Things were going fine until Michael Vick threw a stupid interception to seal the win for the Packers. He started screaming and I had to tell him to calm down. Really, there’s no need for the violence. Nilda is really upset, because you know how much she loves the Eagles. Stupid David Akers.