Why I Don't Like Baseball

So I'm watching the World Series, but I still can't see myself getting into baseball year round. I'm from Philly and I live in New York, so a Phillies/Yankees World Series has some obvious appeal to me. But I don't care enough about either team, or baseball, really, to get interested. Here's why:

• Baseball is too simple. Every down in football is like a chess match, but you know what to expect with each play in baseball.
• There will be a lot of football analogies. If my readers can't handle it, then both of them should stop reading any further.
• There's no time to figure out how to react in baseball. The pitches go too fast for me to figure out what's going on, and by then it's too late.
• What can be planned is too boring to be interesting. For example, hitting it to left field, bunting, throwing a fast ball v. a breaking ball, that's all easily categorized into simple rules for different scenarios. There isn't enough room in the rules for innovation.
• Baseball is all about pitching. You could strip the game down to a pitcher and a batter and it would still make sense. If you don't like pitching, like me, then most of the game is lost.
• The calling of balls and strikes is way too subjective, like grades in law school. A pitch that looks clearly out to me will be called a strike and I don't get it.
• Standing on "base" is gay.
• Full disclosure = Andrew and I played little league and we both sucked. I was told I always stepped "away" from the pitch, not wanting to get hit by the ball. One time I decided to step into the pitch and got hit right in the nose. From then on, I was called "Target 2" (Andrew was "Target 1," which I thought was unfair, since he never got hit). Why didn't I like sports?
• Of course I stepped away from the pitch! Some 8-year-old with no idea what he's doing is throwing a ball at me and I'm supposed to just stand there? No thank you, Mr. Clipboard!
• I have good memories of going to Red Berry's Baseball Camp during the summers in Florida. One of the counselors called us "Heckle & Jekyll" and it took me all summer to figure out what the hell that meant.
• The counselors once asked the campers who was going to win the All Star game that night and I was one of only two who thought the American League was going to beat the National League. I was all proud of myself but the truth was that I had no idea what the hell they were talking about and I only voted for the American League because we're American, right?
• Baseball was fun because when it was all over, you'd get a snow cone.
• There are still moments where I get baseball. It's more of a game than a sport. Still, when it's professional football season, which is on a level that is way beyond me, baseball seems like a kid's game.