Happy Birthday, Nilda!!!

Everyone rejoice, for today is Nilda's birthday, and I, as the good husband I am directed to be, am writing a blog post to celebrate. Not only is Nilda lucky enough to have her 30th on Rosh Hashanah (she hates honey, so the apples and honey thing ain't gonna happen), but she's lucky enough to be married to me. Truly, her cuppeth runneth overeth.

Nilda is kind, compassionate, caring, tough but sensitive and stunningly gorgeous. In short, she is the hottest schikza I've ever seen. She proof reads my blogs for me, helps me pick out my clothes (colors are hard), and cooks the most amazing meals you've ever had. She makes me a better person and makes this blog a lot better. She is truly amazing and I realize every day how lucky I am to be married to her. Thanks for the post-it note reminders, sweetie.

Parody Or Reality?

The Today Show this morning had a side-by-side comparison of Palin's actual interview with Katie Couric and the parody on SNL. It's uncanny how accurate Tina Fey was. Hurry, due to NBC's vigilance of its proprietary material, the link won't last for long!

Ledbetter For Obama

Remember that blog post i did about the Supreme Court's decision in Ledbetter, where the Court held that a woman who was paid less than her male counterparts for 20 years couldn't go sue because the statute of limitations has passed? Well, Ledbetter herself has a video out now supporting Obama over McCain:

The reasoning of the Court's decision wasn't all bad, even if the end result was, but it's good to see that an employment discrimination victim who loses can still have some impact.

Best Onion Article Ever

Point: Gov. Palin Has No Foreign Policy Experience, Refuses To Acknowledge Global Warming, And Supports The War In Iraq

Counterpoint: Please Keep Your Voice Down, My Poor Retarded Child Is Sleeping

I'm Not Going To Puss Out And Call This "Untitled"

• My work week is very busy, and the UN General Assembly is meeting this week. Coincidence?
• I doesn't mean anything when Obama's up in the polls, since he'll be down next week and it'll keep going up and down before the election. But damn does it feel good when he's up in the polls.
• I don't want to read or write about Sarah Palin, but she's just so damn interesting I can't help myself. As bad of a pick she is, as much as she reminds me of Harriet Meyers, she's the smartest thing McCain has done this election. I want a Sarah Palin action figure for my office.
• Fringe = X Files. I didn't watch X Files, and I don't want to watch Fringe either, Nilda. But I can't say anything because she still hasn't forgiven me for making her sit through the first hour of Speed Racer.
• Time Warner Cable now has a feature where the caller ID comes up on the tv. This is big news in our house.
• Hey white blue collar worker, when they tell you that the country is run by liberal elites, THEY'RE MANIPULATING YOU!!
• Jen Simon finally has a blog, bringing you glorious hits such as this.
• Nilda and I were walking through a street fair on the Upper West Side on Sunday, when we saw a group of about 50 people walking through with McCain paraphernalia everywhere. Luckily, we were both decked out in our Obama shirts. Everyone around us started screaming O-ba-ma as they walked by (not me of course, I don't campaign), especially this almost-retired couple that were really pissed. I couldn't stop thinking about the older African-American man walking in support of McCain. What's his deal?
• Blogging has suddenly become hard. I've apparently run out of ideas and motivation.
• I said "hard."

Update

Yes, I have been negligent in my blogging lately. Here's an update, because the world needs to know.

• Matt & Mary are moving to Minneapolis. We wish them well, but recognize that this means the apocolypse is truly upon us.
• I watched the first half of the awesome Philadelphia/Dallas game at Andrew's on Monday night. Lilah couldn't tell the difference between us. She called me "dada" and said "yes" when asked if there were "two daddys." She's awesome.
• My iphone is everything I wanted it to be. I'm never going back.
• The cable went out last night. This meant that we lost not only tv, but our internet connection, telephone and scheduled dvr shows, making it a crisis that is at least on par with the collapse of AIG. At least I was able to check the NYTimes from my iphone. Still, there's no coverage from the liberal, elistist media.
• The best description I've heard of Sarah Palin is that she's the mean cheerleader at school. No, wait. The best description I've heard is that you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.
• I couldn't get "tell me what you want, what you really, really want out" out of my head yesterday. It was horrible.
• Modern man came out of Africa about 100,000 years ago. Modern civilization started in Mesopotamia 12,000 years ago. Writing developed 5,500 years ago. Friday night, all of that progress came to an end as Nilda and I suffered through 10,000 BC.

True Love

Yes, I got my iPhone on Saturday. I braved Hurricane Hanna to get to the Apple Store, but I did it, dragging Nilda all the way, soaked shoes and all. We had to go to Crate & Barrel afterwards ("There's a fabric sale, Brian!"), but it was worth it. There wasn't even a line, like I was expecting. I was in and out within a half an hour. Naturally, the one I got was defective and wouldn't load applications, but four days and two restores later and it's like new. Except not broken.

So I have it, and I love it. I luuuuuuuv it. I spent Saturday night loading my contacts and preferences and haven't stopped playing with it since. I want to check movie times in the park, I got it. I want to check football scores, right there. I want to prove to Nilda that I'm right about something, I'll hold off on that because that can backfire. But Virginia is totally longer than New Jersey and you know it.

Censored Book Of The Month Club

Man, I had a good post. Mom forwarded me an email listing all of the books Sarah Palin sought to ban from the Wasilla Public Library when she was mayor. I had it all written up, listing about 30 books, then I decided to get a link to prove that it was true. It is not.

The good news is that the truth is just as interesting. After Palin first became mayor of Wasilla, she asked the city librarian, in the post for seven years, if she would be all right with censoring certain library books. The librarian said she would not, and then was joyously greeted a few months later with a letter from Palin telling her she would be fired. Apparently, Palin thought the librarian did not fully support her, and no one can keep a librarian who doesn't fully support the mayor. A public outcry led to the librarian keeping her job.

The list that's been circulating on email of the books Sarah Palin sought to ban is actually a list of all the books that have ever been banned in the US. Some of the books, including the Harry Potter books, were not even in existence at the time that Palin was mayor of Wasilla.

So thanks, Sarah. Thanks for ruining a blog that I spent 10 whole minutes working on. You ruin everything!

Still, you have to love that the Republicans have chosen a VP candidate who supports censoring books in public libraries. U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!

Live Blogging Palin

• I can't watch this crap.
• When you've got a VP candidate no one knows, it's a good idea to let Gulliani speak so long that you can't show the video introducing her to the country. Good thinking, Republicans!
• Cindy McCain is scary. If I keep watching, I'm going to have nightmares.
• Bristol Palin is cute because you know she puts out.
• Sometimes I think I could support Palin. Then she talks.
• History shows that the country's economy has grown stronger and faster under the Democrats than the Republicans.
• Palin opposed the bridge to nowhere, after she had first supported it. What she doesn't tell you is that she opposed the bridge AFTER she got, and kept, the money.
• Nilda has had enough of whatever it is Palin is doing with her nose and teeth. I've had enough of Palin.
• Three days until I get my iphone!

Palin's Daughter's Baby Daddy

I love the story about Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter. It's the perfect story, capable of being retold in many ways, with different motivations assigned to different characters, like a story from the bible. (A picture from today's NYTimes was supposed to be inserted here, but it magically disappeared during the time it took me to get home from work. Curse you, constantly updating NYTimes website!).

Here's my idea of what happens: Everyone is shocked and outraged by the pregnancy, but they have no choice, under the circumstances, but to accept the situation. The dad was scared before, but now a candidate for president is vouching for him and the girl's mom, who always loved him, is welcoming him with open arms. They get divorced in 3 years, but it's all good times right now.

PS - Brian Williams surprised me with how good he was on Saturday Night Live. He showed some of that on last night's Daily Show:

Dukakis Attack Ads

For the past year, I've heard all about Willie Horton, the tank ad and other attacks against Michael Dukakis, none of which I remember. For whatever reason, this election was where "the weak Democrat" model of the Republican attack machine was born. For that reason, it remains one of the country's most important elections. The Most Important Blog In The Country looks back:

Willie Horton: In order to go after Dukakis for being soft on crime, Bush I attacked him for a prisoner furlough program sponsored by Massachusetts where Dukakis was governor. Willie Horton was released on such a furlough, only to murder a man and kidnap and rape his girlfriend.



The tank ad. Dukakis taped himself driving around in a tank, only to have Bush have it backfire. The voiceover describing all of the military proposals Dukakis voted against exposed his tank ride for the farce it was.



Who makes the decision. In giving an answer during a debate, Dukakis stated that he was tough on crime, then had an awkward pause that made him look like he was trying to come up with some support. This guy was terrible.



The death penalty. When someone asks you if you would support the death penalty of the man who raped and murdered your wife, the answer is "YES!" Dukakis was an idiot and said no. West Wing took a turn at this, where Bartlet said he would support the death penalty, so it was good the decision was left in the hands of a jury. You go, Aaron Sorkin!



You see, Nilda, the blog works! People want to leeeaaarrrrnnnn. Tomorrow: I am pregnant with Sarah Palin's baby. I shit you not.