Random Fact

The actor who plays the helicopter pilot on Lost is the same actor who played The Lawnmower Man.

This fascinating bit of information was just not interesting enough for Nilda, so I felt the need to share.

Sex And The Shitty

This morning, Nilda asked me to go see the Sex in the City movie with her this weekend. Let me be clear: I hated Sex in the City series. I found it boring, pretentious and completely out of touch with the reality of life in New York City. I was also painfully aware that so many women identified with the show and particularly its characters, which made my failure to relate to those characters all the more frustrating. The show was a reminder that I was not living the way that I was supposed to, even though it was a way of life I did not want and could not understand. I understood exactly why people either loved the show or hated it.

The movie seems different, and the reviews have been overwhelming positive. The critics have said that while it remains true to the original series, it is not a traditionally happy story, and it focuses on the sense of aging of the characters, and that its the finale the show should have had. It's surprising to me that a show that embodied the pre-9/11 New York is still so powerfully relevant and anticipated, and I have to admit I'm curious to see it.

Furthermore, Sarah Jessica Parker's interview on the Today show this morning made want to see the movie. She seemed grateful for the opportunity to have made the film, and pleased that the movie would finally be over so she could spend more time with her son. When asked about making a sequel, she said something like, "You'll have to ask my son."

So, yes, I'm going to see the movie, but not because I want to, but because (1) I'm a good husband and (2) it offers insight into the present cultural climate (you know, for the blog and stuff). Don't worry, though, it's not a total loss for me. Now I've got "There Will Be Blood" as number one in the netflix queue, and you just know that Nilda is DYING to see that.

Setting A Good Example

This weekend in Philly, I was playing with the nieces - all five of them! - at Caryn's house. Lacey, the two-year-old, comes running into the living room where I am, holding her arm and pouting her lips. I say, "What's wrong??," to which she says, "Ana!," her older sister. After a few minutes of oooing and aaahing at her arm, I say, "Go get her!" Lacey runs off into the kitchen. Ten seconds later, I hear Caryn yell from the kitchen, "Lacey! No hitting!! Who told you to do that??" Francesca, in the living room with me, says "Oooo, you're in trouble!"

Uncle Brian, teaching life's most important lessons.

Tips On Defending A Deposition

• When opposing counsel gets an answer they don't like, they will get upset and tell your client that he or she didn't answer your question. Make sure your client knows that it's a good sign when the other lawyer is upset.
• Volume is a powerful weapon. Use it wisely.
• Imagine sitting in suspense for 7 hours digging your nails into your chair, terrified at what your client might say next. That's what defending a deposition feels like.
• Don't be afraid to get angry. Sometimes you need to show them you have teeth so they know you have them. Lesson of the day: I have anger management issues.
• Standing up to "take a break" is a great way to shut the other lawyer up. It's like putting them in time out.
• Saying "for the record" looks lame when you're reading the record.
• Getting screamed at by the other lawyer isn't personal. Don't be shy, and feel free to return the favor.
• There's nothing wrong with working on your blog during a deposition. Right?
• Watch your liquid intake. No big coffee.
• Every question has a reason. It's your job to listen and figure out what the other side's theory of the case is going to be.
• Explain the importance of a good breakfast to your client. Refer to the commercial from the 80's with the flat basketball that won't bounce. Make sure the client eats lunch.
• The court reporters pay attention. It's a good sign when they raises their eyebrows about your client's allegations.
• Send Matt text messages reminding him how gay he is.
• Big firms like to show off by offering coffee and soda in the conference rooms, sometimes food. Enjoy.
• Check out the great views and lavish offices of the overpaid management lawyers. Remember, you're the good guys.

Clinton's Appalachian Victory

The unspoken secrect behind Clinton win's in Kentucky, West Virginia and Tennessee, as well as her support among "white working class voters," is Appalacia. Take a look at this column from Sunday's Times, showing how Clinton's support follows the boundaries of Appalachia. Then take a look at this clip from The Daily Show (courtesy of Yael's hilarious blog) of voters from West Virginia stating that they won't vote for Obama because (1) he's from another race, (2) he's a muslim and (3) we've had enough of "Hussein."

Today, MS asked me what it meant that the voters of West Virginia and Kentucky voted for Clinton, even though it's already going to Obama. Rather than saying it's because they're racist, I said the real lesson is that the Democratic party is not deciding the nominee based on these contests. Whether it's race or the fact that these voters will never vote democratic in the fall, Appalachia is not deciding the nominee.

PS - This is my 150th post. You're welcome, world.

The Reason For The 21st Amendment

Live Blogging Edwards' Endorsement

Nilda bet me her pinky finger that I'd blog about John Edwards' endorsement of Obama. I told her that I'd own her pinky. Then I saw the endorsement. Nilda may keep her pinky.

• Edwards timed his move perfectly. He waited until the last "white state" voted in West Virginia, then came out to speak on their behalf. He comes in representing those voters, even though he's endorsing the candidate those voters soundly rejected.
• If Edwards had waited any longer, his endorsement would have meant nothing. Very smart timing.
• Praising the other candidate always makes the endorsement that much stronger. When you hate one candidate, no one cares who you like. Edwards endorsement of Clinton was remarkable.
• Nilda never cared about Edwards before. Now she says, "He's a good looking man."
• This means Edwards won't get the VP slot. Edwards won't be able to generate this kind of excitement again.
• I've said it before, I'll say it again. Edwards is the ideal Secretary of the Interior, focusing on poverty and housing.
• Not sure if it's real or not, but this feels like a turning point, the end of the primary battle. See bullet above re: Edwards' timing.
• "Yes we can" is back. Look at that.
• Edwards said that only Obama could unify the "two Americas" that he's been talking about in two presidential elections. I can't believe Edwards gave Obama the "two Americas" argument. Edwards must have been promised something goooooood.
• Obama isn't just like a rock star, he is a rock star. He's the Beatles of politicians. Speaking of which, I'm totally into the Beatles right now, but that's another post.
• "This is our time." I think Edwards stole that one from the Goonies.
• Clinton's been around long enough to know that this boost in Obama's momentum won't last forever, especially with her lead in Kentucky. She's also been around long enough to know there isn't enough left in the race for her to catch him without destroying her own legacy. Whatever she's looking to get for herself has to come soon, or else she won't have any leverage to negotiate.

I Love My iPhone. I Just Don't Have It Yet.

It's no secret that I've been dying for an iPhone since they first came out (curse you, damn verizon contract!). Here's the unauthorized story behind my recent temptation with the Blackberry.

Andrew, being the selfless and devoted husband he is, permitted his cherished wife Harley to get the one remaining iPhone, while he sacrificed by accepting a Blackberry instead. (Here's helping a brother out before father's day!). He loves it. Here are the benefits I've noticed the Blackberry has over the iPhone:

1. Email. The Blackberry can push email from various accounts, so that you're notified immediately when an email comes in. With the iPhone, I'm told, you have to check yourself for new emails or set the phone to check a minimum of 5 minutes apart, which also uses up battery life. The button-keypad also appears much easier to navigate than the touch-screen on the iPhone.

2. Cost. The Blackberry is significantly cheaper. This doesn't come into play on the initial investment of the iPhone. Rather, it's for those of us who think ahead and consider the time when we will inevitably break our sparkling new iPhones.

For me, there are three reasons why I need a smartphone: email, NJTransit train times, and research to prove I'm right (imdb, wikipedia). That's right. I need an iPhone to prove to my beautiful bride that I'm right, and then rub her face in it. Sure, I could occasionally be wrong, like I usually am, but that's way in the past.

Bottom line: what I really want is a web browser, and the Blackberry just can't compete on that level. The iPhone is the only device on the market that lets the user look at the web as if on a computer, rather than a watered-down html version. No contest, the iPhone is the device I have been waiting for. The end of my Verizon contract in September can't come fast enough.

Bill O'Dickhead

Here's a video going around of a pre-Factor Bill O'Reilly losing his temper when the teleprompter breaks.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!!! I love you!!!!!

Also a Happy Mother's Day to Stella, Caryn, Harley, Mary, Kate, Paula and all you other lovely ladies who give from the womb. You know who you are!

Fuck Off, MSNBC

I'm not sure what gave MSNBC the right to think they could call it, but the democratic primary is not over. There are still primaries left where Clinton is by far the favorite. At the end of this process, neither Clinton nor Obama will probably have enough delegates to guarantee the nomination. To say that Clinton should just drop out doesn't make any sense, to her or to the masses of voters who will support her in the upcoming primaries.

On the other hand, Obama is probably going to be the nominee. Besides the benefits of Tim Russert's coronation, Clinton has gone so negative in the primaries that she probably can't recover enough to earn new support amongst the party. Obama, on the other hand, hasn't attacked her nearly as hard, leaving him a little tarnished, but still able to stand as the unifying symbol of new polities as he did back in February.

In any event, I'm looking forward to an election about real issues: the economy, Supreme Court justices and, most importantly, the war in Iraq. Prediction: you're going to hear a hell of a lot more about "change" from now until November.

P.S. - The best thing I ever heard Chris Matthews say was on the Tuesday of North Carolina/Indiana: "Next, when we come back, we'll talk about the role race played in the election. Aw, do we have to? Haven't we talked about it enough already? Can't we just go one night without it? All right (resigned), when we come back, we'll talk about race."

The Fifth Element

I've got a lot of problems with the plot holes in The Fifth Element. They replicate the dna of this robot looking alien and it comes out looking like that Mila Jivovawhatshername? Doesn't make any sense. This topic came up a surprising number of times on the cruise. Jeremy always had the best response: "Really? I thought that movie was air tight."

Cruise Pics

The Cruise

• Everyone says I'm a planner. I say I just think things through.
• Going to the beach every day was a good plan, Irene.
• Cruises are inherently cheesy, with dance shows, 50s parties and ho downs (none of which we did). Still, there's something nice about watching people enjoy the cheesy stuff.
• It took a couple of days to learn how to deal with that much intake of food. After one particularly bad moment staring at a lamb shank, I got things under control. By the end, I was up to 4 appetizers, 2 entrees, and 2 deserts, no problem.
• I gained 8 pounds in 9 days. Nice!
• When you get to dinner at 9:30, and they wind up turning the lights on while you're eating an entree, you know you're eating late.
• I'm trying to think of something clever to say about the food-to-poop ratio. I've got nothing.
• Sit down meals are way better than the buffet, with slow people who have no clue that other human beings also exist in this world. Btw, I'm not very patient. I discriminate against the stupid.
• Things I didn't pack enough of: slacks, shirts and underwear. I had plenty of socks.
• Apparently, the plan was for Nilda to get a piece of jewelry for our one-year anniversary. I was only made aware of this plan after Nilda picked out the ring she liked.
• It cost me $12 to spend 10 minutes writing an email to the family. Nilda's still pissed at me for it.
• Jeremy, Irene, Nilda and I played pinochle all the time. Coincidentally, this was also the closest that we every came to fighting amongst ourselves. It was like old times, except without Mary's 42 point bids (which we all agreed she always makes).
• Jeremy and Irene are way too good at counting cards in pinochle.
• Favorite line from Ratatouille (a bad name for a good movie): "I don't like food, I love food, and if I don't love it, I don't swallow." That's what she said.
• I will never understand the people who forgo the sit down dinner for the buffet or (gasp!), a cheeseburger for dinner.
• I read Philip Roth's "Everyman," a fantastic book about an older man lamenting his lost youth. The irony was not lost on me.
• "Neap tide" is an actual term. Still, it was fun to mercilessly taunt Irene for having made it up. We really neaped her a new one.
• We spent Saturday night at the El San Juan resort, which was fantastic and WAY better than going home right from the cruise. I woke up before 8:00 am on Sunday to get one of the beds by the pool, where I promptly fell asleep for 2 hours. It...was...awesome.
• The best beach weather is partly cloudy.
• As part of our nightly martini sessions, explaining why we were always late for dinner, I ordered a "Campini" one time, a Campari martini. This was positively the worst tasting thing I've ever put in my mouth. That's what she said. Nilda told me to "man up," until she tasted it and it was so bad that it brought her to tears.
• Jeremy thinks that the worst part of being in a cruise ship band is playing when no one is listening. I say the worst part is playing "Redemption Song" every day for months on end.
• Surprisingly great song: "Private Eyes" by Hall & Oates.
• Did you know that you can burn the insides of your elbows? I didn't. Also, sand doesn't prevent sunburn on your feet the way it's supposed to.
• Irene: "I don't go on vacation to wear closed-toed shoes."
• Jeremy doesn't like to be the line leader. Following his lead lasts about 2 minutes, until he turns around to ask you where we're going.
• I'm sending Irene to coffee and bailey's anonymous, to deal with her coffee and bailey's addiction.
• My favorite beach was this deserted island we took a water taxi to in Bonaire. The only carbon footprint we left was a lot of pee and Jeremy's hat. RIP, Jeremy's hat.
• Filling out the questionnaire at the end, Nilda and I were unsure how to respond when asked if the cruise met your expectations. When you're expectations are through the roof, saying they were met just doesn't seem fair.
• We all agreed that getting off the plane in NY was one of the worst moments in our lives.
• We had a fantastic time with Jeremy and Irene, and its great to know we've got such good friends. It was a neaping good time.
• We took 242 pictures, and that's not including the ones Jeremy and Irene took. Give us a little time to get them together.
• This cruise marked our one-year wedding anniversary, to which Nilda noted, "Can you believe it, papi? One year! And I didn't kill you!" Happy anniversary, Nilda. I love you, too.