Stephen Colbert Testifies Before Congress

Preparing For Vegas

• I've never been to Vegas, but I'm looking forward to going out there next weekend for Nilda's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NILDA!!!
• I'm not much of a gambler, but I'm looking forward to gambling in Vegas. I'm going with blackjack because it's the most convenient game. You don't have to sit for hours like with poker; it's not totally up to chance like with roulette; and I don't have to learn a bunch of boring rules like with craps. I know, Irene, craps is fun, but if I don't have patience for fantasy football, I definitely won't have patience for craps.
• I've been gearing up. I downloaded a blackjack app and I'm getting better. I started out with $500 and I was up to $3,000 at one point. That's $3,000 of REAL fake money, Nilda!
• Instead of the $80 one-way car service to the airport, we're parking the car at the airport for $24 a day, plus tolls. How cool is that?!
• We were watching the 100th episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations in Paris and immediately knew that we wanted to go to a Joel Robuchon restaurant. I'd never heard of him, but apparently he was named Chef of the Century back in 1989. His restaurant, Joel Robuchon Restaurant, is the first and only three-star Michelin restaurant in Vegas. Check this out. And with a 16-course tasting menu at only $385 PER PERSON, it's a real bargain.
• We're going to visit Nilda's uncle who lives in Vegas. From what I hear, he likes to gamble and starts drinking by 2:00 pm. I think he and I are going to get along just fine.
• I'm not sure what else we're going to do, but I have a feeling a pool bar will be involved.
• We're flying back on Sunday, late afternoon, which means I'll be missing the Eagles/Redskins game, which is where McNabb comes back to Philly. Nilda, that's how much I love you.

Best Purchase Ever!!

Two months ago, this was the jersey to have. The Eagles had just traded away McNabb and the Kevin Kolb era had begun. The quarterback they had spent 3 years grooming was finally coming into his own, and there was no better jersey to have. Then there was Week 1. Vick looked great and Kolb didn't. I kept saying that the team had put 3 years into Kolb and wouldn't just throw that away. But Vick was too good to ignore, and they still get to keep the great back up that they've built in Kolb. Tonight, Andy Reid announced that Vick would be taking over as the starting quarterback.

Making Vick the No. 1 is the right decision. He's playing great and is a perfect fit for the team. With all of the offensive weapons they've built, including Jackson, Maclin, Celek, McCoy and Bell, the already spread defense will then have to figure out how to protect against Vick on the run. And Vick's proven that he's now able to make plays as a pocket quarterback, not just as a glorified running back. Expect to see a lot more Vick jerseys out there, albeit from men without dog-loving wives.

I cannot wear the Kolb jersey. This will look like either (a) I am against Vick, which I am not, or (b) I am supporting the backup quarterback, which is just lame. And I definitely cannot wear either my McNabb jersey (he's now a Redskin) or Dawkins jersey (he's with Denver). Nilda may not get this concept, but that's like petrified wood, or Heroes, or a Britany Spears comeback. So 2008! But knowing football, and knowing how stingy the Eagles are, this Kolb jersey may still have a future.

Finally, I've figured out why Philly never liked McNabb: he's funny looking. Vick, on the other hand, is widely despised and ridiculously intense. Just like Philly. This might be a good season, after all.

No Flowers Or Pink On The Walls

No! What made you think this wallpaper would ever be acceptable? It's yellow. It has flowers. And it also has birdies. Birdies, Nilda! Unacceptable! I work hard. I work hard for the money. And I have to come home to see this on the wall? This wallpaper sample that clearly violates all the rules?!?! No! Bad Nilda!! Bad!! (rolls up newspaper).

P.S. I came to a realization tonight: I watch The Vampire Diaries. This is something that I am neither proud of nor happy about, but it remains true, nonetheless. Nilda must (must!) watch Vampire Diaries on Thursday nights, and I watch it, too. It's a terrible show, but I somehow know all the plot lines, characters and back stories. This is my shame.

It Is Done

We went into Philly for Rosh Hashanah - and a Happy New Year to you all - and left with a car. The plan was to go test drive and see what we think. Nilda was very adamant that there would be no purchase this weekend. Of course, this is the same person who got totally caught up in the crappy time share presentation in Cabo. Brian really dodged a bullet on that one.

We brought my dad along so we'd have a grown up. It was great to have him, mostly so that whatever we did had dad's seal of approval. Even if he didn't like it, he was there so he was still responsible. Thanks, Dad, for squeezing into those tiny backseats and listening to Len the car salesmen and his never ending diatribes about the history of the Jewish people in Northeast Philadelphia.

We first test drove the Honda Fit, which was the car Nilda was excited about. That lasted about two seconds into the test drive, when Nilda shook her head no and said "mmm-mmm," which was fine with me. We then drove the Civic, which Nilda liked more than either of us thought she would. But then we drove the Mazda3 and we realized that we were right about our first chioce. As my dad said, suddenly "Ms. Not Today" was calling for insurance quotes. Nilda, of course, maintained her poker face, only saying how much she liked it when the dealer wasn't looking at her. Way to go, Nilda.

It's a Mazda3 i Touring, shiny black with black interior. We've already set up the bluetooth for our phones and know how we'll hook up the ipod. This is my first car and it is AWESOME! Though there was a moment today where I realized holy shit I now have a car and how the hell did that happen. I don't need a car, I live in New York! Too late now, sucka.

Nilda and I have discussed what we will call the car. You can't give it a name like Earl or Kit, since that's just weird (though Nilda advised me right off the bat that "Captain Phil" will not fly). I say we should call the car "the car" (no capitals). Growing up, we had the Camry, the Bonneville and the Horizon. We had The Heller Mobile, too, either the worst or most awesome station wagon ever created, but that's a different blog post. Since we only have one car, it doesn't make sense to identify it by brand.

Finally, I'd like to thank New Jersey Transit, for shuttling me to and from Philadelphia all these years. But now you and your no round trip tickets during peak hours policy can go fuck yourselves.

Drinking Outside Is Good

Ah, it's been a while. Hello to all. I write to advise you all about the magical wonder that is drinking outdoors. Yesterday, the plan was that Nilda and I would meet Jeremy & Irene at a beer garden and then go out to dinner. We are, however, talking about Jeremy & Irene, so that did not happen. (Am I right, Mary?) Anyway, Nilda and I found ourselves at the Biergarten at The Standard, since I am NOT getting Nilda to the beer garden in Astoria.

Beer...gardens...are...awesome. There is so much to be said about drinking outside that cannot be said while you're sober. Some of the reviews of this place said there aren't enough beer selections. But it's a beer garden, dumbass, you're lucky if you get three options (light, dark AND wheat). Nilda was into it, then throw in some bratwurst and she's in heaven.

Nilda and I then went to dinner at Colicchio & Sons, where we were, yet again, underwhelmed by Tom Colicchio. I want to like the guy from Top Chef, but it always seems to fall flat for us. At least Jeremy & Irene showed up just as we were finishing. Drinking after dinner is just as good as drinking before dinner.

It was decided that today would be take 2 at the beer garden. We started out at the rooftop bar at The Standard, which is literally above the High Line. Check out this picture of some douchebag in front of the hotel.

It was a good Labor Day weekend. This week is Rosh Hashanah, followed by a weekend of car shopping and football. It's looking like it will be a good fall.