Happy Birthday, Dad

We threw my Dad a surprise 70th birthday party this weekend and he was totally surprised. We didn't tell my mom, since she can't keep a secret, but then she found out through a cousin and refused to tell any of us that she knew. Turns out my Mom is only motivated to keep a secret when she's out to prove she can keep a secret. Andrew and I gave a speech of "Stuff Our Dad Says" and since you all know my Dad, a few quotes will be quite meaningful. Here's the tribute to Jeff:

Stuff Our Dad Says:

I get along with the grandkids because we have a common enemy.

I don't have a problem with time. Phyllis does.

Do you know who the largest purchaser of jalapeño peppers is? Morton
Salt (for the hot salt).

Sushi is good when it’s cooked right.

You know what? You know what? You know what? I don’t want to hear it.

I’m Poppop. I don’t say no.

You know what relative humidity is, don’t you?

Who are those M&Ms for?

Some days I wake up grumpy. Some days I let her sleep.

I don’t care if you’re 40, you’re still at the kids table. If you’re an adult, you
don’t get presents.

Best joke ever = a man says to his wife, “I want to have sex with you in the
worst way.” She says back, “You mean standing up in a hammock?”

You’ll be old enough to use the chain saw when I’m dead.

Driving two houses down the block to Caryn and Forrest's. Better set the
GPS.

Wow, I really fell asleep there!

Someone forgot to order the General Tso’s mild. Oooh!! Hot!!

I am enjoying my kid’s inheritance now.

When I get to the nursing home, all I ask for is a room next to Phyllis.

I drive at night. I have my own teeth. I still have hair. I’m a catch!

Things Dad Would Never Say:

This is the best bacon I’ve ever tasted.

Just throw it anywhere in the refrigerator. It doesn’t matter how well it’s all
organized or if anyone can find anything.

Take your time, Phyllis. We can be a little late.

Sure, I’ll have another beer.

I can’t wait to get to the beach.

We don’t need navigation. We can always stop and ask for directions.

Happy birthday, Dad. I'd tell you I love you, but we don't do that. You are a catch!