Away Message

The kid is 24 weeks and kicking his mother like crazy. He flops around a lot until he gets comfortable, then rests for a few minutes before flopping around some more. I have no idea where he gets this. I've been reading the baby books Nilda has been making me read (no, I DO want to read them, Nilda!), and they say that, in utero, babies will stretch when they wake up for a nap. How fucking cute is that. Also, I'm going to start playing music for the kid because they also say that the kid, later on in life, will like whatever music he hears when he's in the womb. No, Nilda, that's not Phish.

Nilda and I are leaving tomorrow for vacation. I'd call it a "babymoon" or "babycation," but those seem like really annoying phrases. So does "dadechelor party," but I want one of those so I'll keep my criticisms of the name to myself. We're going to a resort in Cap Cana and here's a live webcam so you can see what I'm doing while you're stuck at work. I'll be the one at the pool bar. Our flight leaves at 6:45 am on Wednesday morning and getting Nilda to leave the house at 4:00 am is not going to be pretty.

When we come back, things are going to go pretty fast. My sister's kid (she doesn't want to find out, but it's going to be a girl) will be born in September around Rosh Hashanah, then we have Nilda's shower, work stuff, Thanksgiving and then it's December 17 already. I spoke to a client today who has a one-month old. I asked him how the sleep is going. He said ok, but he didn't envy me, since I'll have to go to work and think every day. I don't envy me, either.

Now I'm going to make you watch two videos. This is Mister Rogers defending PBS' funding in a senate hearing in 1969. He stresses that, unlike cartoons, his show tries to deal with the drama that a child faces, like dealing with brothers and sisters and feeling angry. He talks about trying to give children a sense of control over their emotions. He's great and it shows that there was more going on than just him changing shoes.



This article is about Paulie Gee, who opened Paulie Gee's pizzeria which is amazing. We went there on the pizza tour a few weeks ago and I've been too lazy to write about it since. Anyway, the guy was in IT for his entire career until he decided, at age 56, to go into the pizza business. This video is about how he was rejected for a job as a general manager before opening his own place that is now, arguably, one of the best in the city. It wasn't Difara's, but it was a very close second and, in many ways, a much better experience. Or maybe it was just the romance of the four of us guys with our sparkling red wine and sharing 6 pizzas. It was a magical evening, blog title = "Romancing the Pizza Stone."

Happy Birthday, Dad

We threw my Dad a surprise 70th birthday party this weekend and he was totally surprised. We didn't tell my mom, since she can't keep a secret, but then she found out through a cousin and refused to tell any of us that she knew. Turns out my Mom is only motivated to keep a secret when she's out to prove she can keep a secret. Andrew and I gave a speech of "Stuff Our Dad Says" and since you all know my Dad, a few quotes will be quite meaningful. Here's the tribute to Jeff:

Stuff Our Dad Says:

I get along with the grandkids because we have a common enemy.

I don't have a problem with time. Phyllis does.

Do you know who the largest purchaser of jalapeño peppers is? Morton
Salt (for the hot salt).

Sushi is good when it’s cooked right.

You know what? You know what? You know what? I don’t want to hear it.

I’m Poppop. I don’t say no.

You know what relative humidity is, don’t you?

Who are those M&Ms for?

Some days I wake up grumpy. Some days I let her sleep.

I don’t care if you’re 40, you’re still at the kids table. If you’re an adult, you
don’t get presents.

Best joke ever = a man says to his wife, “I want to have sex with you in the
worst way.” She says back, “You mean standing up in a hammock?”

You’ll be old enough to use the chain saw when I’m dead.

Driving two houses down the block to Caryn and Forrest's. Better set the
GPS.

Wow, I really fell asleep there!

Someone forgot to order the General Tso’s mild. Oooh!! Hot!!

I am enjoying my kid’s inheritance now.

When I get to the nursing home, all I ask for is a room next to Phyllis.

I drive at night. I have my own teeth. I still have hair. I’m a catch!

Things Dad Would Never Say:

This is the best bacon I’ve ever tasted.

Just throw it anywhere in the refrigerator. It doesn’t matter how well it’s all
organized or if anyone can find anything.

Take your time, Phyllis. We can be a little late.

Sure, I’ll have another beer.

I can’t wait to get to the beach.

We don’t need navigation. We can always stop and ask for directions.

Happy birthday, Dad. I'd tell you I love you, but we don't do that. You are a catch!

Totonno's

I finally dragged Nilda out to the far ends of the Earth (i.e. Coney Island) for pizza. I am the most accomplished husband of all time. We went to Totonno's, which you've never heard of but is wicked famous for pizza. We had to wait 1 hour 15 minutes just to get inside. Then another 45 at the table for the pizza. Going on a Saturday at 4:30 pm was perhaps not the ideal time. Here's Nilda happily waiting outside, not at all saying goddammit how did I let Brian drag me out here all for stupid pizza. You can even see the hipsters waiting in line in front of us. God damn you, hipsters.


The pizza was fantastic. It was thin, like they said it would be, but wasn't as insubstantial as I thought it might be. We had a half cheese, half pepperoni and it was a perfect combo. The sauce was the best part, tasted like actual tomatoes. It was a lot like John's, though John's had more sauce. Nilda says nothing is worth waiting two hours for. Keen observation, Nilda. Now I need to decide where I want to make Nilda go with me next. Patsy's?

Anyway, Nilda owes me because, as part of her nesting, I have agreed to move my large amplifier down in our storage bin. Goodbye, old friend. We'll meet again soon, when The Heller Theory makes it huge. Any day now. Frankly, I think the amp should stay and that Nilda is being unreasonable. What newborn wouldn't want a Fender 200 Bassman in their room? Instead, he's going to have to settle for a Hartke kickback. It's just wrong.

I'm already picking out potential bandmates for this kid. I'm looking at you, kid inside Julie T. They can start a Beatles cover band in high school, though Julie's kid will live in (gulp) New Jersey. Nilda says our kid has a very good chance of being cool. I said, "Nilda, come on. It's MY kid."

Here's Nilda looking ridiculously adorable at 21 weeks, which means we're over half way there. Only 19 weeks to go.

Speaking of ridiculously adorable, donde esta el umbligito?

Best Commercial Ever

Nothing says brilliant advertising like combining PBR and the Swayze in 1979. This is exactly what Nilda and I like when we go out dancing, except trade dancing for watching Breaking Bad:

Bo Ssam

I was going to write this last night, but when I got home, the toilet and bathtub had backed up and the base of the toilet had been flooding since three with no end in sight. We had to use a Shamwow that the super gave us to soak up the water and put it into a bucket, which we then had to constantly empty. The flooding didn't stop until 9:30, and then we had to clean up the black rust from pipes that had backed up into our tub and sink. Then the shower head broke off when I tried to move it to clean the tub and I swear to God, Nilda, I did NOT move it hard enough to break it. Oh, and the light bulb went out, too. Really, it was a great night. Nilda says thank god we had watched True Blood on Sunday night. Thank god, Nilda. Lesson = Shamwow is amazing and everybody should own one.

Anyway, the point is that we went to Momofuko Ssam Bar on Sunday night to celebrate Jeremy's birthday. I will always remember the first time I met Jeremy. Jeremy and I had just started law school in the same section and it was the first day of Magnetti's torts class. Magnetti asked what possible tort there could be for a cemetery losing a body and he was all impressed when Jeremy said "trespass to chattel." I remember Jeremy sitting there with this shit eating grin, like he had just been tapped to join an elite group of asshole law students. Then there was tax law in second year when we got the same exact grade, even though I went to class and studied and made an outline and Jeremy stayed in the apartment and never did the assignments and only read Gilbert's right before the exam. Fucking dick. He's been one of my closest friends ever since. Happy birthday, asshole.

There were eight of us on Sunday and we had ordered the Bo Ssam weeks in advance. It's a huge pork shoulder from Niman Ranch that is slow cooked for 36 hours and served whole, with lettuce, rice and sauces to make wraps. It was unbelievable and pulled apart with just tongs. Wrapped in lettuce, with the exact right proportion of rice and sauce, it went down easy and I kept making these little wraps. When you've had all you can, you realize just how giant the thing is. We went through both heads of lettuce and there was still a ton left over. Here's the damage.

Perhaps the best part of the night was that I was able to talk about the Eagles with Jeremy and his brother Greg for most of the night. God damn, they're looking good this year.

P.S. - Here's a website called animalsbeingdicks.com. It's exactly what it sounds like.