My Super Quinceanera

Nilda and I went to her cousin's Quinceanera on Friday night. Since my only prior contact with Quinceaneras had been on My Super Sweet Sixteen, this was an experience. Nilda, as usual, looked absolutely stunning. Here she is in all her pregger glory:

The girl comes out in a ballgown, along with five guys and five girls her age that form the court. I knew to expect this, and the tiara being carried by one of the girls made sense, but I had no clue what the shoes being carried on a pillow were for. Nilda said its so that her father can switch her from flats to heels, because she's a "woman" now. Then she has to sit in a large fan while they force her to watch a video about her childhood. It was a lot like a bat mitzvah.

Then there's a whole choreographed routine by the court. Or as I called it, "Dancing Faux Hawks." They were all really, really good! Even the one who was visibly counting 1-2-3 doing the waltz. During my years on the bar mitvah circuit, guys dancing would be running around and hitting each other. But these kids were moving like they knew what they were doing. I was thoroughly impressed. With Nilda as the mom, there's actually a chance my kid could dance. Imagine that, a Heller that can dance.

The best thing I heard all night was a version of Coldplay's "Clocks" by the Buena Vista Social Club. It's amazing. Give it a shot.

Nilda introduced me to Tio Tivo, Tio Manolo, Tio Roberto and Tio Pititi. Tio Pititi's real name is Orlando, though no one knows how he came to be Pititi. Tio Pititi is the dancing man! This guy was up all night, dancing with every girl in the place! Nilda asked me to dance when the group dancing began, with everyone watching. I will not be the white guy dancing the white guy dance. Go dance with Tio Pititi.

I took Spanish all through high school, got a 4 on the AP Spanish test, and took top level classes taught in Spanish in college, and I still can't understand a thing these people say. I stood up when DJ said to, but no on else did, until he said it in Spanish. Way to stand out, blanco. I've decided I'm going to become Cuban. Like Hemmingway. I'll wear a guyavera on formal occasions.

By the end of the night, I had enough drinks that I could actually try to dance. It wasn't pretty, but by that time everyone else had had enough drinks to not notice. Mauricio, the Dad, and I hugged each other twice before I left, and we'd never met before. I couldn't leave without a picture with Tio Pititi. He's my new hero.