So You Want To Be A Lawyer...

I Messed Up

Jeremy & Irene's wedding is on Saturday, November 20th. Nilda and I have airline tickets, unlike the bride and groom (snap!), which we purchased a while ago. We leave Florida on Sunday November 21th, taking off at 7:55 pm and landing at 10:50 pm.

That, unfortunately, is the exact time that the Eagles/Giants game is on that night. And the plane we're on does not have any televisions. We could have taken JetBlue, which has tv's, but I neglected to check the football schedule. Now, I'll have to dvr the game and wait until I get home at midnight to watch it. How could I let this happen? I have no one to blame but myself. And Nilda.

Another Stupid Post About Stupid Painting

As both of you may remember, we painted the foyer last July. Here's the before:


It's been 15 months, so that means it's time to paint again. I'm actually surprised I was able to hold off Nilda for this long. As soon as we were done painting the first time, Nilda was complaining that the color could be darker. Right away, I knew I was screwed.

Painting is just as bad as you remember it. 10 minutes into it, Nilda declared that this is the last time we will ever be painting the foyer. This may not be the last time the foyer will be painted, she clarified, but not by us. At least we had enough beer.

Luckily, we're still married. Let's just say I don't have the attention to detail that Nilda possesses. In fact, my attention to detail is quite different from last year. I used to be concerned that the trim was pristine and had a clean lines. Now, I don't give a fuck. If you see spots that can be touched up, stop looking at them. Go away. Don't even look at the wall.

I now appreciate Coldplay's Viva La Vida. I never really liked it before, but then I heard Weezer's version.

Vegas

• Vegas is friggin' big. Much bigger than I imagined. The Venetian, where we stayed, has 7,000 rooms in three towers. The Wynn, right next door, has two gigantic towers that are even bigger. And both of those are next to the Mirage and Caesar's and a ton more that are huge. There's one gigantic resort after another for more than a mile. Do enough people really come to Vegas to stay at all these hotels? How do the crappy ones even stay in business?

• I understood the concept that Vegas was big, but never appreciated just how big. It's like when my parents came back from Eastern Europe and my dad said, "The Holocaust was really bad!" Yes, it was bad, Dad, it's the Holocaust! Anyway, I'm not sure how I made an analogy between Las Vegas and the Holocaust, but Vegas is big.

• I prep for a flight like I'm never getting off the plane, so I had plenty of activities. And Cousin Bill was definitely right. Plants v. Zombies is by far the best iphone game, ever. I beat the game on the train ride home and I'm actually upset that it's over. Now I know how Nilda felt when she finished reading the Twilight books. Oh, the emptiness...

• In light of that, here I am enjoying the wonderful sites of Vegas:

• Don't worry, everyone, I was able to watch the second half of the Eagles game on the plane. I then watched the Giants/Bears game. On a flight into Newark. Which means that there were tons of Giants fans, each watching on individual televisions with headphones clapping in unison every time the Giants scored. Forrest would have loved it.

• The best part of Vegas was, as expected, Joel Robuchon Restaurant. It was ridiculously good. They treat you like an asshole, which is suprisingly enjoyable. This means the hotel sending a limo to pick you up and taking you through the back entrance of the super swanky Mansion at the MGM, which is reserved exclusively for ass hole guests, and calling you "messier." It was awesome.

• They have a bread cart with 20 kinds of bread. There is a petit four cart with all kinds of amazing cookies, including corn flakes covered in chocolate and gold leaf. We had an incredible cream of chestnut soup with foie gras, bacon, bacon foam and chestnuts. And if I tell you that the chestnuts, the stupid chestnuts, were the best part, you know it was good. I had veal cheeks. Nilda had caramelized sea urchin with lobster. It was awesome.

• My favorite part of dinner was when the short asian woman with huge boobs and bleach blonde hair that Nilda suspects was puking in the bathroom fell flat on her ass while attempting to walk back to her table. Yes, that was my favorite part.

• We ate like crazy the whole weekend, and it was all amazing. Joel Robuchon, Bouchon, Bradley Ogden and the buffet at the Wynn. I didn't know just how good we had it until I ordered my crappy Italian wedding soup for lunch on Monday. That was not a good moment.

• We didn't gamble that much, but when we did it was fun. Nilda even stayed up waaaay past her bed time. Gold star for Nilda.

• Vegas loves New York. The restaurants and stores all advertise about New York. All I could think was that New York wishes it was like Vegas.

• We saw Cirque de Soleil's "O" and I really enjoyed it. The problem is that seeing a Cirque de Soleil show is that since everyone talks about how great it is, you feel like you're drinking the kool aid. Anyway, I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again.

• On the way to the airport, I heard one guy say to his friends, "I wish Atlantic City was half as cool as this." I couldn't agree more.

• The only bad part was that I had to miss The Heller Theory show. Luckily, Andrew made a video for me with a special message from the crowd:

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Baby Monkey!

You have to watch this five times. It gets better every time. The audio was added to the video. This means that some guy saw the video of a monkey riding a pig and thought, "THIS NEEDS A SONG!" The Most Important Blog In The Universe has uncovered that this brilliant person was Parry Gripp, the former front man for the Nerf Herders who now writes jingles. I remember that the Nerf Herders was one of the many bands with Star Wars inspired names, but I couldn't name any of their songs. I'll check them out on youtube, but first I'm going to check out nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.