Blue Balls

The case settled. We picked a jury on Tuesday, then went to our judge. While we're there, let me point out that the state court method for jury selection makes no sense. Instead of having one judge assigned to each case, you show up to court on your trial date without any clue who the judge will be. You first go to a judicial hearing officer (a retired judge who reached the mandatory retirement age of 72), whose only role is to send you to the jury selection room, where you will pick your jury. If you're lucky, there will be another retired judge at the jury room to resolve any conflicts with jury selection. It's whack, yo!

You then talk to a bunch of jurors and try to come up with a jury. The whole process can take more than a day. In federal court, on the other hand, you have a judge from the start who runs the jury selection quickly. The whole thing is done by lunch on day one and is far more efficient. It's my guess that state court judges don't like jury selection and therefore delegated that annoying task to others. Also, state court cases will have more of the personal injury and smaller claims, which are likely to settle before the trial even starts.

Anyway, this case settled. And I didn't even get to do my opening! I had been practicing this thing for days. I made Nilda listen to it over and over again. I was all ready, and I didn't get to do it. Bummer. What I was really looking forward to was the closing.

P.S. - If I ever own a boat, I'm calling it "Not Penny's Boat." There, I called it. Dibs.

Quote Of The Day

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

• This truly captures all of our lives, doesn't it?
• I've given up on speaking Spanish. I tried ordering from the chicharron lady in Spanish and it wound up with me having no idea what she was saying while desparately trying to ask for one more piece. I speak too much Spanish for my own good, and not enough to do me any good.
• We're starting a trial tomorrow. Logically, I know that it's the kind of case that you'd dream about taking to court. Yet when you actually have to try it, all you can think of is the reasons why it's best to stay in bed.
• This trial is mine. I'm doing the opening, most of the witnesses, and the closing. Here's hoping I don't epically fuck this up.
• If we win, I will probably look something like this.
  

Teen Mom

Please help me. I put on this MTV reality show on Sunday just to see what it was and now I can't stop watching. It follows four teen moms through their white trash lives and dead beat (or dead) baby daddies and I'm hooked. Two girls stand out:

Farrah: She is the worst human being to ever live on this planet. She was a snotty cheerleader who got pregnant. The father of the baby died in a car accident and she was left raising the baby with her family. This would be a sad story if she wasn't such a complete and total brat. She dumps he daughter on her parents and then cops an attitude when they ask her to take responsibility for her life. Asshole. This season premieres with the mom getting arrested for punching Farrah in the face. I call that an amazing feat of restraint by the mother.

Catelynn: Catelynn is my hero. Despite the white trash family of her and her boyfriend Tyler (Tyler is awesome), the two of them are more mature than most lawyers I yell at. After considering both their lives and the life of their baby, they decided to give up their daughter for adoption. Most of the show is about how they miss their daughter and reconfirm that they made the right decision. They get engaged at 17 and you think it's a good idea.

P.S - The iPhone operating system 4.0 is terrible. It's slow, it freezes and many of my gps programs like runkeeper won't work. Fix it, Steve Jobs.

Food

I can tell from ze counter that most hits on the blog come on a Monday, after a weekend. That makes sense, but does not change the fact that most posts will come on Tuesdays through Thursdays, as far away from the weekends as possible. It's been a while, but the most I can offer is a blog about our eating adventures. Oh, the fun:

• Shake Shack: I'd heard about this place for years and we finally went, and damn was it worth it. After being disappointed by the big fancy burgers at places like Rare, I had accepted the fact that hamburgers were all uniform and boring. But Shake Shack is different. It's perfectly seasoned on a potato roll and is just incredible. And a black and white milkshake made with custard and fudge goes perfectly with the salty burger. It's not just for tourists, and it's worth the wait.
• Luke's Lobster: A NYMag article told me about how the price of lobster dropped due to an increase in supply due to the closing of a Canadian plant or something. Anyway, my bandwagon-induced craving for lobster led us to Luke's, which has the best lobster roll I've ever had. Lobster claws with no mayo on top of a toasted and lightly-buttered roll earns its place in the city's best cheap eats. Nilda and I agreed that the crab roll was good, but not in the same league as the lobster. And they just opened up a location right near Andrew.
• Pretzel M&M's: Have you tried these things? Amazing. As good as it sounds. On a side note, Coconut M&M's are good, but Nilda tells me there's not actually any coconut in them.
• I'm mad at corn. The agriculture industry has turned corn into the wonder vegetable and it pisses me off. Sugar should come from cane, not corn.
• La Reina De Chicharron: The sleeper of the city. A hole in the wall near our apartment in Inwood (holla!) is a branch of a chain based in New Jersey that sells the most amazing fried pork you ever had. About 20 years ago, some white guy realized that if he baked a slab of bacon and called it "pork belly" that everyone would like it. He was way behind the hispanics, who long ago realized that if you deep fry the same cut of meat, with the skin still on it, you have perhaps the most tasty dish ever made. I was standing in line for 10 minutes thinking how I never stand in line that long for food. Then the guy cut me a piece like I was at Katz's. I can't believe we've lived here a year and I'm only having this now. Chicharron = crack cocaine. And the yuca does not hurt. Well, it hurts your arteries, but who's counting.
  
  
  

Happy 4th

I never wanted to just write about stuff I was doing, but that's what you're getting. Keep reading, suckas!!

• The parents came in and we saw Next to Normal on Broadway, which was surprisingly good! Nilda and I don't really go to shows and we were very skeptical sitting in the theater. It was like waiting for a BarBri lecture to begin, when you think nothing good can come of this.
• We finally went to ABC Kitchen with Irene and Jeremy on Sunday and it was amazing. It's trying to play off the local and organic fad, but damn, was the food good. I need to find a recipe to make salted caramel ice cream.
• The city is great during a holiday weekend. Everyone leaves and it's kind of like the opening scene from Vanilla Sky.
• The fireworks are much better on tv than in person. In person, you just stand there watching them, wondering at each pause if it's over or not. On tv, there's music and narrators telling you what's happening and no crowds to deal with. Either way, you're bored within five minutes.
• I made sure to get in some Independence Day appropriate activities by watching an episode of The Revolution on The History Channel. Go, Amurica.
• Turns out our Benedict Arnold was a great, vain and ambitious (all the founding fathers were ambitious) military leader whose accomplishments kept getting ignored, so he got pissed off and joined the British.
• George Washington first gained recognition as a military officer when he surrendered and admitted to killing a French officer, which started the Seven Years War. He went on to become a wealthy landowner and state politician, until the revolution.
• John Hancock was the leader of the first revolutionary organization and thought he was a shoe in to lead the army, until his good friend John Adams nominated George Washington instead.
• Is it too hot to run? Yeah, it's too hot to run. Darn it!