Difara's - The God Pie

God damn Droid X, can't take a decent picture. 8 mega-pixels my ass. Wait till I get the iphone 5.

The God Pie is located in a shit hole somewhere so deep in Brooklyn that they had to resort to naming avenues with letters. And it's not even a good letter, like the popular ones on Wheel of Fortune, but a weird, boring J. Making things even worse, you have to take the Q train to get there, and I didn't even know there was a Q train. Here's what it looks like on the outside.Don't worry, it's even worse inside. There's no seating, just a couple of card tables and a few assorted bridge chairs from 1982. The place hasn't been renovated since The White Album. To get to the bathroom, you have to go behind the counter to the back, where you're greeted by a small hole. I'm still waiting for an explanation for why there is both shaving cream and NyQuil in a restaurant's bathroom. The question is why anyone would go here to get pizza. And not just any pizza, but $5 a slice pizza. The answer is, it's the best pizza you will ever have. Anywhere. We've have a lot of pizza all over the city and Difara's is far and away the best. The secret is Dom Demarco. He's been making each pizza by hand forever and he has absolutely perfected it. He takes the best ingredients and puts them into a 900 degree oven for 5 minutes, then pours oil over the pie and cuts some fresh basil over it. We got the squares, because the squares are clearly better than the round. The crispy crust on the bottom is key. Here's the upskirt. We waited an hour an a half to get our first pie after ordering. This was extremely fast. Difara's is known for having waits of up to four hours for a pie, and 45 minutes just for a slice. People line up before it opens. But due to careful planning and taking to account all factors social and meteorological, we were able to perfectly time our trip. We were even able to get the large table and enough chairs for each of us.

Given the effort and patience required for a trip to Difara's, it's not a place you can go to often. We started the pizza tour one year ago with a trip to Difara's and it was an eye-opening experience that made me look at pizza differently. One year later, it's still the best there is. We even got an extra pie so we'd have leftovers to take home, for which we brought our own tins. You're welcome, Nilda.
The only problem with the pizza tour is that I get home long after Charlie's asleep. And I can't trust Nilda to be alone with Charlie because she dresses him like this.

Charlie - 3 Months+

Charlie is three months plus one week and he's getting big. How big? Soooooo big! Here's an update:

• Whatever hopes I had of being the favored parent have been eviscerated. Mommy, without question, is the favorite. His whole face lights up when he sees her. I think this is a survival mechanism, since we all know how Nilda is when she wants to be sleeping.
• Most of my time with Charlie, on weekdays, is either right before he goes to bed, in the middle of the night or, more recently, early in the morning. He looks at me and says, "I know you. I see you when I'm tired."
• As we can see on the video monitor, Charlie spends most of the night kicking, making noises, waving his arms and sucking as if the pacifier that he spit out long ago is still in his mouth. Thank God he doesn't sleep in the same room as us anymore.
  
• We kept talking so much about Charlie sleeping through the night that he's now calling us liars. He sleeps from about 7:30-8:00 to 3:30 am, then is up for about an hour and a half, then wakes up every hour thereafter, like clockwork. It's wicked fun. Nilda says he's not transitioning from light sleep to deep sleep. It's certainly preventing me from transitioning to sleep.
  
• My body wakes up automatically at 3:30 am, now. I almost don't even mind anymore. Thank you, coffee!
• Charlie's getting so long. The sherpa that we brought him home in finally fits.
  
• The books say to put the baby down when they are "sleepy but awake," so they don't get used to falling asleep in your arms. We say that the books can try putting Charlie to sleep. Alternatively, the books can go to hell and die.
• We've hit a rough spot with getting him to stay asleep. The nap nanny is getting a little too small, but he hates sleeping on his back in the crib. We look forward to the glorious time we can let him sleep on his stomach, which we know he loves because he's taken a few naps that way. Stomach sleeping is like crack for Charlie.
  
• Charlie enjoys the fruity notes and floral bouquet of his hands. This is the only explanation for why he always has them in his mouth.
• We make fun of Charlie on a daily basis. This usually involves each of us trying to get as much of our hands in our mouths as possible.
• We have become those people who humiliate themselves to try to entertain a baby. Charlie was crying and I saw Nilda with a huge forced grin on her face and her hands way up in the air, singing the alphabet song. That is what we've become.
• Nilda cannot get the words at the end of the alphabet song right. She doesn't say "Next time won't you sing with me" like a normal person, she says, "Won't you play with me" and then doesn't know how to finish the line. I think we'll need medical intervention.
• Charlie cannot stop kicking. It's his favorite past time. He kicks so much I want to put him on the back of a boat and see how fast we'll go.
• Charlie luuuvs tv. If he is in a room where there is a tv, he will crane his neck so he can watch it. He also hates having the sun in his eyes. He's just like daddy!
• When I'm feeding Charlie at night as part of the wind down, he looks up at me like he's saying, "Hey, we should get a tv in here."
• Abuela speaks Spanish to Charlie. I can't understand everything she says, but I definitely hear "culo" and "conjo." These are what we call "naughty" words. Abuela is a great influence.
• Charlie looks just like his Abuelo, who he's named after. He looks like an old Cuban man, with a giant head.
• Charlie is a world class burper. We're thinking of entering him in a competition.
• A common question I get is whether he'll be a Met fan or a Yankee fan. Charlie is a Hispanic who lives above 125th Street, so odds are pretty strong that he'll be a Yankee fan. As long as the Eagles come first, Charlie. The Eagles come first.
• I now get to blame things I want on Charlie. For example, Charlie really needed to get yet another hot sauce and I just couldn't say no. It's the tabasco buffalo sauce, Nilda! Are you really going to deny him that?? Btw, that shit is goooood.
  
• We've been going outside a lot now that the weather's getting nicer. As long as the stroller or car is moving, he's fine. But God forbid the motion stops and all hell breaks loose.

All parents want is to see their kids be happy and I get that now. I swear I've become more careful crossing the street since Charlie was born. Charlie is happy and healthy and we are very grateful. Charlie recognizes me and I'm almost starting to feel like a parent.

Charlie Strikes Back

CHARLIE 3 MONTHS : THE EXPERIENCE TO LEAD

CHARLIE FIGHTS NAP: "THERE'S TOO MUCH TO BE DONE."

CHARLIE: FAMILY MAN

RESULT OF CAMPAIGN TO SIT UP: TOO CLOSE TO CALL

CHARLIE URGES MORE TUMMY TIME TO GET AMERICA MOVING

REPORT: CHARLIE HEAVILY FAVORED TO WIN THE GRANDMA VOTE

• Charlie Demands Immediate Hunger Relief Efforts
• Exit Polls Show Charlie A Strong Contender For Cutest Baby In Building
• Charlie: "I Believe in an America Where A Person Is Judged on the Content of His Character, Not the Contents of His Diaper."
• Charlie Declares War On Sloth From Car Seat: "I Will Not Tolerate Car Stopping, Red Lights."
• Charlie Enjoys Watching Baseball, Or Anything On TV
• Charlie Responds to Accusations of Sleepiness: "I'm Not Tired. I'm Wide Awake!"
• Charlie Refutes Accusations of Performance Enhancing Substances: "Binky Is BPA-Free."
• Clean Living For Charlie: "Never Touched Drugs, Alcohol or Solid Food."
• Too Adorable To Be Deplorable
• Accusations of Improper Campaign Spending Dismissed: "I Don't Know What Money Is. "
  

The Republican Assault Against Charlie

SCANDAL: NAKED PICTURES OF CHARLIE
FOUND ON THE INTERNET

WHAT DOES CHARLIE'S SMILE HIDE?

CHARLIE LOOKS CONFUSED AND FLUSTERED AT DEBATE

CHARLIE'S FREQUENT NAPS: DOES HE
HAVE THE STAMINA TO SERVE?

PRIVILEGED CHARLIE HAS SERVANTS BATHE HIM

Here are some other recent attacks:

• Charlie Has Not Had All His Shots, Unfit For Office
• Why Won't Charlie Release His Tax Returns?
• Charlie's Alleged Incontinence A Slap Against Seniors
• Charlie's Eyes May Not Stay Blue: Can He Be Trusted?
• The Truth Behind Charlie's Secret Late Night Tirades
• Do Americans Want An Elected Official With Chubby Cheeks?
• Charlie's Paltry Voting Record: What Is He Trying To Hide?
• Not Right For Forward-Facing Car Seats, Not Right For America
• Source Suggests That Charlie May Be Intolerant Of Lactose
• Charlie Frequently Seen With A Bottle, May Have Drinking Problem

Here's a grainy video showing Charlie as a playboy: