Christmas 2012

It's been a busy and fun holiday season, with lots of toys and peanut butter sandwiches on the floor. Charlie had his 12 month doctor's appointment and he's doing great.  And thanks to three big shots and Charlie's growing self-awareness, he now hates the doctor.  Thanks, modern medicine!

Charlie is still opening birthday gifts.  I thought he'd enjoy ripping open the gifts, but since it's not newspaper or toilet paper, he's not interested.  Must not taste as good.  Here he is showing off his new extra-loud music toy that Matt & Lynn gave him.  Thanks,  Matt & Lynn. 

Here he is playing with the truck that Mommom and Poppop got for him (video alert, Julie).  

He doesn't exactly get Legos at this point, but he knows they're awesome.   He especially likes the big truck Mommom and Poppop got him, so he can push it until he hits a wall, then point to me to come fix it.  

And then it's Christmas.  Soon after Nilda and I started dating, we made a deal about how religion would work.  Kids would be Jewish, but they'd have Christmas and there would be Santa Claus.  Please witness, therefore, the first Heller grandchild to have a picture taken with Santa.  

Santa's not what I expected him to be.  Granted, all I know about Santa comes from "A Christmas Story," but aren't you supposed to tell Santa what you want?  This guy just sits there as a never-ending parade of parents shove their kids at him for a 30-second photo opp, then watches as those same people go to pay for overpriced pictures.  Charlie seemed intrigued. 

One holiday thing that I recommended we do is take Charlie downtown to show him the tree at Rockefeller Center.  This way, we could finally take advantage of living in the city, which we never do.  Except I forgot about the zombies tourists.  We live in a world where you can be walking in a straight line on a busy sidewalk, then someone will walk right in front of you and just stop with no consideration for anyone else, and then when you inevitably bump into them, you are expected to say you're sorry.  And then I'm the rude one.   I feel the same way about Christmas time in Rockefeller Center as I do about cheap garbage bags: never again.

The one good thing about tourists is that you can ask a random stranger to take a picture of the three of you and he'll do it.  Merry Christmas, sucker.  

Christmas is always a special time of year for the Jews.  We never had a tree or lights, and that was always my favorite part.  I have a strong memory of going to a packed showing of "Yentil" with my family as a kid on Christmas.  When I was in high school, my dad decided to make Christmas dinner, since there was nothing else to do.  Now we have a big kosher Christmas dinner on Christmas day.  Nilda's family does Christmas Eve and also  has a lot of food, but it's a bit different.  My favorite part is the roast pig.  Thank you, Cubans!

Nilda's family seemed surprised when I offered to help take it out of the outdoor cooker they have for this.  I said, "There's a 40-pound pig out there.  Do you think I'm going to miss out on that?"  Charlie was trying out his game on a cute little 10-month old at Christmas Eve dinner.  She's not like the waitresses and random women at checkout counters that he usually puts the moves on. 

Here is the elegant ladies' man feeding himself oatmeal that very same morning, like a boss.

We then went to my parent's house for Christmas dinner.  Charlie loves Uncle Dumbass. Like I've said before, the best part about being an identical twin is your twin's kids.

This is Charlie and his 3-month older cousin Serena. They're so close in age that it'll be fun to see them grow up together.  But she'll always be in charge, since (a) she's older, (b) she's a girl and (c) she walked before 12 months and Charlie's not looking like he's interested any time soon.

Happy New Year, everyone! 

Happy Birthday!!

Charlie turned one year old on Saturday and I still can't get over it.  Here are the obligatory pictures outlining his progression, from the first moments after his birth to the 20 minutes that we desperately spent trying to get a goddamn picture of him with the 12 month sticker on. 

Nilda had a baby shower on the Saturday of his actual birthday, so Charlie and I got to hang out, just us guys.  I learned that Charlie likes salami and eggs just as much as I do, which is further proof that he's a Heller.  I spent most of the day trying to get a good picture of him to post on facebook.  Unfortunately, my little perfect picture taker has been replaced by a little shit that wants to take the phone.  I did manage to get a good video of Charlie crawling all over the library like he owns the place.  (Note to Julie: there's a video here). 

On Sunday, we had Charlie's first birthday party at a school auditorium near our house.  It was the big Hispanic first birthday party that Nilda had always promised me, with lots of home cooked food, booze and a DJ.  Nilda did a wonderful job putting together a great Sesame Street themed birthday party.  I'd post the pictures I took of the place, but my camera got milk in it on the way over there (long story) and was useless.  Here are some pictures that people were good enough to send to me.

Charlie had a ball, though he had no clue what the fuss was about.  He was crawling all over the place and seeing everyone, until he crashed. 

Charlie says he's old enough to drive now, but I'm still not sure. 

Happy birthday, baby boy.  I love you more than I ever thought possible.

Almost One Year

It's been a while and a lot's happened, so let's get to it.  Charlie went through the I'm adorable stage, the "I'm sick and need mommy stage," the "I'm a little shit stage," and finally back to another "I'm adorable" stage.  He also desperately needs a haircut, but Nilda says it's "cute" and we'll wait until after his first birthday. In the meantime, he'll keep looking more and more like Doc from Back to the Future.

Speaking of Back to the Future, check out McFly in his life preserver.

That picture was taken at the BJ's in Pelham while we were getting supplies for Charlie's way-too-big-Hispanic birthday party.  BJ's is amazing and going there makes me want to stock up for the apocalypse. The only person who likes it more than me is Stella, who goes freaking nuts.  Yes, of course you need that much mayonanise.  Charlie loved it, too.  I don't think I've ever seen him as happy as he was standing up in the shopping cart. 

 

"Onward, to savings!"

We had gone to the beer distributor the day before and Charlie went berserk.  All he wanted to do was get on the dirty, dusty floor and crawl around, and he was desperately willing to squirm his way out of your arms to do so.  We finally had to let him crawl around on top of the boxes, which is obviously the safer option. 

I can't believe Charlie is going to be one year old. It feels like both a full lifetime and the blink of an eye at the same time. Here's the latest updates:

• Charlie's starting to go to sleep later.  He will let you know when he's ready by literally laying down on the floor.  
• He's getting a temper, too. When he doesn't get what get wants, he storms away crying, stomping his hands as he crawls.
• Charlie will gladly help you remove your toilet paper off that cumbersome roll into an elegant and convinient pile on the floor. 
• Charlie's not walking yet, which Nilda says is a good thing. Since Andrew and I didn't walk until about 22 months, this is how I know he's my son.
• Charlie loves to splash in the bath and now conscripts me to do it for him.  He takes my hand and puts it in the water and grunts until I splash for him.
• Charlie says "Mama," "Dada" and "yum yum," and sometimes he even says them in the appropriate context. 

All he wants is Mommy.  I may be fun, but Mommy is where shit gets real.  Even tonight, I did a great job of giving him his bottle to get him ready to go to sleep, but all he wants to do is get on the floor and keeps crying while staring at the door.  I think this means he wants to stay up, but then Mommy walks in and he collapses on her shoulder to go to sleep. Like Forrest says, "Mommy is magic."  Oh, and spit bubbles are hilarious.

Note to both readers who get notifications of this blog by email (especially you, Julie): you cannot see the videos through the email.  You actually have to go to a computer and (sigh) go to boywonderesq.blogspot.com to see them, but not on an ipad.  I know, it's like the blog isn't even worth it.  But hey, it's Hannukah!  Charlie  doesn't know what that is, but it involves fire and presents so he likes it.  

Check out how he different he looks from one year ago.   

PS - We went to cousin Lilah's awesome birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Here is Charlie's grainy mug shot to prove it.

Min-Eh-So-Dah

In law school, 5 of us survived two years in a cramped, expensive two-bedroom-converted-to-three, mice-infested apartment in the projects near school.  It's amazing how an experience like that means you will forever be friends with those people.  For my birthday, I told Nilda that I wanted to go visit Matt and Mary, two survivors, who moved to Minneapolis.  I got what I wanted and we had a great time.  Here's what I learned:

• Minnesota has a street called "Minnehaha."  This will never stop being funny.  
• There's water everyfreakingwhere you look.  The license plates say "10,000 Lakes," but there are actually more than 11,000.  This is a great source of pride to Minnesotans for some reason.  
• Matt told me that Prince is from Minneapolis and I haven't been able to get the soundtrack to "Purple Rain" out my head ever since.
• Matt and Mary have a wonderful house and we were incredibly comfortable there.  Matt knows about all the neighborhoods in the twin cities and can tell you which ones have nice houses.
• It's amazing how you can go for months without talking to someone and then hang out like no time has passed at all. 
• Mary is looking HOT these days!

Matt and Mary have two dogs and Charlie was fascinated by them.  We learned that Charlie cannot try to eat the dog food or drink the dog's water if he has a pacifier in his mouth.  Here he is crossed between wanting to explore the dog and trying to not get licked in the face.  

We finally got to meet Gracie!  She's the adorable little girl that Matt and Mary adopted from China, as documented on Mary's incredible blog, growingournest.blogspot.com.  I knew she was adorable, but I didn't expect this sweet little voice to come out of her.

Gracie loves the iPad. I put some animal puzzles, princess coloring games and Dora apps on there and she was at it for hours.  Every time she completed a puzzle, she went, "I dittit!"  She woke up the next morning saying, "I want to play the game."

We spent most of the weekend either singing or watching "Gangnam Style" or "Share It Maybe."  I highly recommend you stay away from both of these.  Here is Gracie showing off doing Gangnam Style.  

I had a great time playing with their two boys, Noah (8) and Luke (6).  I told Noah that I was a black belt in "Jew-Jitsu" and he and his brother went to their room and came out wearing their yellow belts, ready to go.  It's a miracle I didn't get punched in the balls. 

As the readers of Mary's awesome blog already know, Noah has diabetes and we got to see first-hand how they deal with it.  There's a lot of testing and a lot of math, but they have found a way to manage it that is remarkably impressive.  I wouldn't say they made it look easy, but everything would be much more difficult if Noah wasn't as capable and mature as he is.  
  

I went with Matt and the kids to Target.  They boys were looking at Wii games and I took a picture of Gracie going right for a princess game.

She looked at me and said, "Cheeeese!!"

I asked her to stand still for a picture please and got this.  Man, she's adorable!

Gracie has a clever strategy for when she is reprimanded.  She started screaming out of the blue in the car and Matt and Mary (I thought nicely) asked her to stopping screaming, since Charlie was sleeping.  This led to Gracie immediately tearing up and crying uncontrollably.  I had to show her Gangnam Style on my phone to calm her down, all with her lower lip quivering.  Well played, Gracie, well played.  

Here is the picture of Gracie and Charlie that we will use to make fun of them when they're older.

Here we are by Lake Minnetonka.  There are some really nice houses by there.  Ask Matt, he'll tell you.

• We ate incredibly well.  We got a babysitter Saturday night and went out for a fantastic dinner that would rival any place in New York (except for price).  We got the 9-course tasting menu because, as Nilda aptly pointed out, a 7-course menu just isn't enough.   
• From what we saw, most casual restaurants are set up where you wait in line, order your food, and then they bring it to you.
• Mary had suggested a cozy little local seafood place known for its biscuits that I was really curious to try, but when we got there, no one wanted to go except for me.  Check it out for yourself (www.redlobster.com).
• One things Minnesotans do not understand is pizza.  They take these thick crusts that are straight out the Papa John's/Domino's style and fill them with all kinds of crap liked potato salad.  Paulie Gee would not be impressed.  

We finally had to go home.  The lesson is that flying with Charlie in the evening, when he's tired, is easier than flying in the morning, when he's wiiiide awake and looking to explore everything on the airplane.

Charlie had a great time, but he was ready to go home to his own bed.

Not only was it my 37th birthday on November 19, but Charlie turned 11 months old, meaning he'll almost be one year old!  It feels like only yesterday I was changing his poopy diaper.  Oh wait, that was yesterday. 

 

P.S. - Dear Santa, please ignore Mary and get Matt and Mary a microwave for Christmas. Seriously, it's just weird.

Halloween Hurricane

My last post was right before Hurricane Sandy hit. Here's what the Hudson looked like at Dyckman Street (200th St) on Monday the storm hit, before it got really bad.  Of course, I had Charlie in the stroller with me, because he needs to see everything. 

Here's me using the fancy panorama feature on my new iphone for an indecipherable picture. 

We got through the storm without a problem.  The lights briefly flickered a few times, but that was it.  We were very lucky and grateful.  I tried to work from home on Monday and Tuesday, but that's much harder with a 10-month old.  Bloomberg's a business guy, so he was focused on getting business moving again. This meant me sitting on an "express" bus for 2 hours on Wednesday waiting to get through midtown, only to get off 45 blocks from where I needed to be out of frustration.  Thursday and Friday were better, but it was still a crazy week.  The only thing I could compare it to was 9/11, but without all the horror.  I went to the park with Charlie on Saturday after the storm, when it finally opened, and here are some of the trees that fell down. 

Wednesday was Halloween and the annual gathering in the park was moved indoors to a nearby school because the parks were closed.  We had never been to this before, but knew that it was where families go to do Halloween, since trick or treating doesn't really work in the city.  It was incredible and I had never seen anything like it before.  There were tons of people and most everyone was dressed up.  There was a family of four dressed like the Ghostbusters, a dad and son both dressed like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and more Star Wars characters than I could identify.  (That last part was a lie.)

Charlie was Billy Fucking Idol.  Nilda went as a groupie and I went as a roadie, since it seems parents need to also have costumes at these things.  I had been pushing for something different, but Nilda wasn't going for it.  I'm not sure why, since Lithuanian Porn Star is a perfectly appropriate costume for a 10-month old.  He was a big hit.  

 

Just so everyone knows, Charlie is no longer our sweet, good natured little baby anymore.  That's been replaced by this complaining shit who's just like his parents and needs to be taken into consideration.  By the way, The Heller Theory is making its triumphant return to the Sidewalk Cafe this Thursday, November 8, at 9:00 pm.  Come out and party like it's still 1999.