Hunkering Down

Excuse me while I hastily post this before Frankenstorm hits NYC and turns this area into The Walking Dead, which we finally caught up on and is awesome.  We went to my parents' in Philadelphia last weekend and, as usual, had a great time. Charlie is starting to get more daring with walking. 

We learned a new skill for which we're very proud of ourselves.

Here's Charlie joining the long list of Heller grandchildren walking with the Winnie the Pooh walker. 

Walking by him is Charlie's cousin, Serena, whose hobbies are pulling Charlie's hair, taking toys and pacifiers out of his hands, and taunting Charlie by offering him a sippy cup and then taking them away.  She's only three months older, but Serena has made it clear that she is very much in charge.  Serena has also taught us that Charlie is a complainer.  When he's hungry, when he's tired, when he wants something, he complains. And why does he complain?  Because it works.  

My dad took out the old photo books and you can see how he used to look like me.  Charlie's features are like Mommy, but he overall looks like me at his age.  This is Andrew and I with Mommom.  You can tell which one is me because I'm the cute one. 

This next picture with the vests over the plaid shirts shows you the risks associated with growing up in the 70s.  It's a dark period that no one talks about anymore. 

This one is of Andrew doing what my dad says was Andrew's favorite activity, stripping the bed every morning.  

I found my old Bigfoot toy in the basement and cleaned it off for Charlie. I have a very strong memory of buying it.  Andrew and I went with Mom and Aunt Sylvia to the toy store to buy one for each of us.  Mom thought that my saying that Bigfoot had a setting that didn't need batteries meant that we didn't need batteries at all, so Andrew and I had to wait all night for the rechargeable batteries to charge before we could play with them and we watched Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I. All so that Charlie can roll it under the table and cry until someone gets it for him. 

We got Charlie a baby loveseat so that he can sit and feed his bottle to himself.  Thank God for Charlie being able to hold his own bottle.   

Charlie still sleeps like an adorable muthafucka.  

We took a trip to our friend Michelle and Ian's in NJ and saw that Charlie appreciates the suburbs for dogs, in addition to stairs.  Charlie apparently thinks that the dog sneezing is the funniest thing he's ever seen.  Ever.

This is the part of the blog where we dance. 

Good luck to everyone weathering the storm tomorrow.  Hopefully we have enough candy and I won't have to go to the deli to get more.  Hopefully.   

Le Petit Monstre

We have a monster. Charlie must go go go, all the time, and it's driving Nilda crazy.  Charlie's new hobbies are:

• Pulling and playing with electrical cords, especially if they are connected to a lamp. 
• Banging on any ipad he manages to get his grubby hands on and throwing it on the floor.
• Defying gravity by diving off the bed to get whatever the hell is on the nightstand that's so  damn interesting.
• Going into whatever room has a closed door, especially the bathroom. 
• Grabbing whatever is in the refrigerator.
• Eating whatever you're eating.  
• Crawling into the dishwasher, which is so exciting that he crawls like a maniac to it when he hears the dishwasher opening.
• Eating shoes.
• Going into my closet, which is where the real dirty shoes are.
• Crawling to your feet, sitting down and lifting his arms up ever so slightly, as in, "Pick me up, sucka." 
• Jumping out of your arms two minutes later to get whatever the hell he sees on the floor.
• Standing up in the bathtub basin we have and diving for the drain.   
• Pushing the buttons on the phone you're using.
• Looking under the dresser and crib for pacifiers that he threw there to save for later, putting them in his mouth.
• Refusing to lie still when you're trying to change his diaper, kicking whatever is on the changing table onto the floor in protest. 
• Taking the food you're trying to feed him off the spoon, getting it all mushed up in his hand and between his fingers, sticking his whole hand in his mouth

In short, he's just like Daddy.  And we both have the same attitude towards the bath, which is, "Fuck you, water."  

Apple Picking

It's Fall, so Nilda and I took Charlie apple picking. This way he was able to see where the fruit that we see all the time at the farmer's market but never get comes from.  On a Saturday, of course, because there's football on Sunday (unless the Eagles have a bye week).  You have to be outside a lot, but there are apple cider donuts so it's worth it.   We went two years ago, but this time was different because we had to time the drive with Charlie's nap and feed him when we got there.  Here's Charlie doing his typically admirable job of ignoring me when I want to take a picture.   "But there's dirt over there!"

It was finally time to pick apples, which means waiting in line to by a $.25 bag, then waiting in another line to ride a flatbed hooked up to a tractor to the orchard, to go pick apples and then come back to pay $29 for your work.  We put Charlie in the carrier, so he enjoyed sucking on the strap.  

The nice woman next to us offered to take a picture of the three of us, but Charlie was having none of it. 

The line for the tractor was long, but everyone in line was saying it was too far to walk to the orchard.  So we waited and killed time by distracting Charlie, making fun of other people in line taking even more pictures.  It looked like it was going to pour any minute and we seriously considered leaving and telling Charlie, "That was apple picking, Charlie! Wasn't that fun?!?!?" Because, really, what does he know.  But we stuck it out and made it to the orchard since we're such dedicated parents.  

Thankfully, the 20 minutes we spent waiting in line allowed us to avoid a grueling 10 minute walk.  Finally, we were able to walk amongst the apples.  And we ate a ton of them.  Both kinds: red, yellow and reddish-yellowish.   

Mary once wrote a blog post saying that if bugs aren't interested in the apples, than neither was she.  Mary would love these apples, and so did we.  

You've probably wondered what it would look like to watch Charlie eat an apple while in a carrier on your chest.  Here you go.  

 

We saw all these people with tons of apples and can't understand how anyone could like apples that much.  We're probably not the first people who went apple picking and didn't pick any apples.  Maybe people don't realize that people have already picked apples and they sell them in the farm market.  Really, who wants apples when there's plenty of Haagen Dazs at the bodega on the corner?

The 10-minute walk back from the orchard went through the pumpkin patch where all the misshapen, mud-covered pumpkins sadly wait for people to settle for them, saying, "I guess this one's good enough."  Here's the "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Heller!" picture I had been waiting to take, where we carefully keep him out of the mud he so desperately craves. 

We made Charlie do the obligatory photo ops and then he was finally able to take a nap in his amazing, new big boy car seat (shout out to Aunt Julie Rocks, Aunt Caryn & Uncle Forrest!), which is all he ever really wanted out of the day in the first place. 

"I Will Gum Your Ankles."

I'm writing this because Grey's Anatomy is on.  If you haven't been watching, there was a plane crash or something and somebody died and other stuff happened.  Now you're up to date.  Btw, that new actor you can't place was Smash on Friday Night Lights.  Here's what else is going on:

• Charlie had his 9-month doctor's appointment and he is doing great, 21 pounds, almost 22, and 28.75 inches long, both 50th percentile. 
• The pediatrician said that we need to think about discipline, because Charlie will start to test us. The little shit's way ahead of her.
• Charlie's new favorite toy is the power cord to the computer.  Charlie Heller = Man of Danger.  
• Charlie is starting to explore his surroundings, i.e., underneath tables and chairs.  He has two black and blue spots on his forehead, to serve as a testament to his courage.  
• Charlie believes that "careful" and "cuidado" mean keep doing what you're doing, only louder and faster. 
• After three years of living near the Columbia University football stadium, we finally went to a football game where they played Fordham.  Nilda never knew Fordham had a football team, but we just had to sit in the Fordham section of the game since we both went to law school there.  Lesson = Charlie doesn't like football games that interrupt his naps. 
• For about a week, Charlie had a rough time going to sleep.  I tried to put him to bed one night, but he kept crying hysterically. Having to go to bed when you're not tired sounds like torture to me so I brought him into the living room.  He looked at his mother with his squinty eyes, smiled, and went, "Heh," as in, "I got this guy figured out."
• We went into Philly for Rosh Hashanah and Charlie saw all of his cousins.  We spent Yom Kippur in New York and went to services at City Congregation.  It's like regular services, except without the God part.  We liked it a lot.  
• Charlie is now all about Mommy and Daddy when we're with other people.  It's nice that he wants to be held by only us, but sometimes I want to say, "Hey Charlie, stop being such a pussy."
• Charlie turns 1 on December 15 and Nilda is well into planning his first birthday party.  It's going to be a surprise, since Charlie has no clue what's going on.   
• Halloween is coming up and I want to dress Charlie up as a Lithuanian porn star, with a polyester shirt, big gold chain and toupee.  Nilda's warming up to the idea. 
• It was Nilda's birthday on September 30!!  Happy birthday to the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing baby momma any two guys could hope for.