Charlie, Week 1

Charlie is one week old today and everything is absolutely wonderful. Nilda and I are really enjoying this time. Here's a rundown of how his first week at home has been:

• Having a kid is like having a new toy, and Charlie is a pretty fucking good toy. We still can't get over the fact that there's another human being in the house.
• His favorite person is Nilda's boob. His favorite color is poop.
• The pediatrician has us feeding Charlie every two hours. This means he has to START eating every two hours, so if he starts at 2:00, takes a half hour to eat, another half hour to poop, he gets only one more hour before we have to wake him up to eat again. The nurses in the hospital don't tell you that, they leave it to the pediatrician to deliver the bad news.
• We've spent four days inside in pajamas and have lost all track of time.
• I'm up at 4:00 am and, for some reason, I don't mind. It gives me and Charlie time to catch up on new episodes of Beavis & Butthead. Charlie thinks its actually a more relevant social commentary than it was in the 90s.
  
• Andrew told me to take pictures and videos of this time because I'll want to remember it. I watched a video I had taken just one hour earlier and felt sentimental about those times.
• Charlie already hates the flash.
• We went for our first walk outside. Don't get excited, it was just around the block. But still, it was nice. Charlie got to try out his new ride, being pushed by his old ride.
  
• Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of diapers we've gone through, not even people telling me, "You won't believe how many diapers you'll go through."
• We've been putting him in the sun for a little bit each day. The Earth's yellow sun gives him his power.
• God forbid his diaper change takes too long, he starts to scream like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone. Then I can't get this out of my head.
  
• They don't lie when they say the kid will start peeing like a fountain in the middle of a diaper change.
• He's the Houdini of the swaddle. He loves the resistance, but he loves breaking free even more.
• We're starting to figure out poops from farts. I used to wonder how parents could tell the difference between sounds. Now I realize it's all about experience.
• People say Charlie looks just like me. Andrew says babies always look like the father, so the father doesn't eat the baby.
• I'm not making a big deal of this, but Nilda, Brian and Charlie is "NBC." Just saying.
• I'm trying not to overshare, so I've set a time limit of three years on blog posts like this. I think I'm being eminently fair.

Needless to say, having a newborn is not conducive to taking pictures that are appropriate for public display: