Offer Accepted

Our apartment was on the market less than two weeks and we already have an accepted and wonderful offer.  It's been a whirlwind and even the broker says she's never seen anything like it.  Which means god damn, Nilda did a good job designing this apartment.  One person apparently said, "I can't buy an apartment just because I love the kitchen."  I remember how much work renovating this apartment was, but now I'm hoping to do the same with a house. Who wants to pay for someone else's renovations?  

Showing the apartment has meant a ton of cleaning.  Here's Charlie participating in the rouse of hiding a large portion of his toys in the basement. 

Other than selling this apartment and spending most of our waking moments looking for a house, things are good.  Here's Charlie at his 15-month check up exploring the doctor's office. Just like pop-pop!  People tell me looks big, but he's median percentile for height and weight.  He looks happy in this video, but after two shots and having blood taken he was pissed off as a motherfucker.

This is Charlie minutes after he woke up, watching Sesame Street and pissed off that pictures are being taken. Nilda has finally conceded that "maybe" it's time for a haircut.  You think?

Here's Charlie's happy face when he gets what he wants. In this case, he NEEDED that particular bottle of wine from the store.  Really, Charlie?  A white?  It's your sippy cup...

And now a word about the future of blogging.  All of the blogs that I follow - both of them - both stopped recently, citing changing life circumstances and a desire for privacy.  I respect that decision, but feel that the power of this site is just too important to stop. Where else can you learn that I wanted to name Charlie "Captain."  When you think about it, it would be selfish of me to stop blogging.  Charlie's says he's in agreement, but he can be pretty indecisive.

The Part Where We Move To Westchester

It's been almost four years since we bought this apartment  in Inwood and I absolutely love it.  It's like living in a little town that's still in Manhattan.  It's right near a great park with playgrounds, Broadway is like a little main street, there are a ton of kids and the people are really nice.  It's still on the subway, but it's easy to access the big box stores of the suburbs.  I wake up with Charlie on Saturday mornings, go outside, get a coffee, go to the farmer's market and take a walk through the park.  I love it and I don't think I'll ever be as happy living anywhere else. 

Naturally, it's time to leave.  I blame myself, really.  Back in November, our neighbor in 1C next door had an open house for her apartment.  I jokingly said to Nilda that we should check it out to see if we should combine the two apartments. Nilda took this joke waaaaay too far and the next thing I knew we were talking to an architect and a designer about how to combine them.  I never thought it was a real possibility until I talked to my mom.  She told me how I may not realize it now, but we would soon outgrow 1B and this was a one time opportunity to grow the apartment we love into a place where we could stay.  It was in an area that we love near Stella/Abuela and she said I should really consider it.  She was absolutely right.  So I guess really, it's Mom's fault.  

The abridged version is that we made an offer and it was accepted and 1BC was going to be glorious. It was going to be a sprawling 3 bedroom, two bath complex with plenty of space for Charlie, a dining area, a butler's pantry with a stand alone freezer for a shit load of BJ's purchases and - my dream - a study.  1BC was going to be awesome. 

Then, the appraisal for the combined apartment came back $40,000 below what we needed it to be.  That means we would have to come up with an additional $40,000 that the appraiser said was not worth it.  Reluctant to dip into our vast resources of pirate booty, 1BC was over.  We bought a new mattress as therapy and moved on with our lives. 

The problem was that we had convinced ourselves that our current apartment was not big enough for us anymore, at least not in the long term.  Nilda and Charlie run out of places to go on a cold winter day and we can't do anything in the kitchen after he goes to sleep because it's right next to his room.  We lost the guest bedroom, pantry and (single tear) office that I suddenly felt I needed.  

We, therefore, including me, have decided to look for a house in Westchester.  It would give us outdoor space, private laundry, a separate freezer, space to store a shitload of wine, a kegerator, a driveway for the two cars we'll need, a room for Stella, space for another kid if that happens, and no neighbors banging because Charlie drops his milk bottle at 8:00 am on a Saturday morning.  I was against it at first, not wanting to leave Inwood, but the market seems to be turning and it makes sense to buy a house now, rather than wait a few years when prices might go up.  We put our apartment on the market a few days ago and are seeing a bunch of houses (the market seems to be heating up now, since people tend to move in the spring, so their kids can be at new schools in the fall).  We're looking primarily in New Rochelle and Yonkers, making it a short commute to the city.  Plus, it's not like we go downtown much anymore and we spend most of our weekends in Westchester as it is.  

This is where things are now.  Best case scenario, we find a great house and we're barbecuing by the end of the summer.  Worst case scenario, we're still living in temporary housing in August and we can't find a place to live.  It's like jumping off a cliff and hoping you find a safe landing before you hit the ground.  It'd be nice to give Charlie space to run around, because God knows he needs it. 

How Big Is Charlie?

It's getting harder to get time at the computer.  Charlie has started going to sleep later (after 8:00 pm!) and Charlie does not allow Nilda and I to use the computer around him.  To Charlie, the computer must look like this magical device that plays Elmo all the time, because any time we use it, he walks over to us and demands to use it, which generally means banging it, pulling off the space bar and pushing the lit-up, irresistible power button.   Here's what else has been going on:

• Charlie has been changing and becoming more aware, so it's harder and harder to distract him.  The remote isn't the draw that it used to be, but my belt is still fascinating.
• Charlie stacks his blocks now, instead of just knocking over the towers I would make.
• He claps and does "so big," but you already knew that.
• Charlie now luuuves his Elmo and Big Bird dolls.  He gives them hugs when he sees them, something he didn't do before, and it's disgustingly adorable.
• Nilda and Stella were convinced that Charlie said "Gracias," and since he babbled two syllables, who's to say they're wrong.  
• Charlie, who generally eats healthy and often organic foods, had his first chicken mcnugget yesterday and I don't think I've ever seen him happier.  
• Charlie has learned how to pout, and it's quite effective.
• Nilda picked a boogie from Charlie's nose that was so remarkable, she's going to put it in his scrap book.
• When I put Charlie in the bath, I (1) run the water, (2) take off his clothes and diaper in front of the tub and then (3) put him in the bath.  As Charlie started peeing on the floor in front of the tub, I realized that the time between steps 2 and 3 has shortened dramatically.
• The other night, I saw Charlie starting to play with a cord plugged into the wall near the dining room table. I sternly told him "No!" and then looked away without smiling, so he would know I was serious.  I looked back at him to make sure he wasn't going for the plug again and he smiled, but I didn't respond because I wanted him to know this was serious.  When I looked back again, he looked at me, smiled and then hid his face behind a chair.  My efforts to reprimand Charlie had turned into a game of peek-a-boo. 

Then there was the snow storm!  There was more snow than Charlie had ever seen and we were able to use the inflatable pull sled that Charlie got for his birthday.  We took him out the night before, when it just started snowing, and the day after, when it was covered and all the neighborhood kids were sledding in the park.  He loved it, until he fell over and his face went right into the snow.  But then he was ok again. (Julie - video alert):

Charlie is still a professional-caliber sleeper, which is all his mother.  Here he is in the car, with me desperately trying to keep him awake until he gets home, otherwise he'll sleep for 5 minutes in the car, be unable to nap at home and be crabby.  Just like Mommy.  The little guy can't do it:

And will you check out that hair?  Nilda still refuses to let me get his hair cut even though he's starting to resemble more than a passing similarity to Lion-O of the Thundercats.  My mom found the pictures Andrew and I had from our first haircuts, which was when we were about 18 months.  This picture is of Andrew, but really, can you tell the difference?  I didn't think so.

And did I mention the walking?  This kid is now a full-blown walker.  Here are two videos that my sister Julie took last time we were in Philly, even though Julie reminds me every time I post that she can't see the vidoes on the emails she gets when I post.  

On the pizza front, we went to Roberta's and, to our utter surprise, did not have to wait.  It was excellent and the top pie was a mashed potato pie, which I said I wouldn't have but which was great, with crispy speck and an egg on it.  

Did I show you the pictures from Frank Pepe's in New Haven?  Clam pie and a half-peperoni half-broccoli pie.  Different style pizza (they call it "apizza"), but still great.  Wow, aren't you glad you read all the way down here?

$1.2 Million

I was away last week on a trial in New Haven, Connecticut.  It was a case about a surgical technologist who complained about sexual harassment and was retaliated against after she complained.  Matt and I were the two young guys going up against two senior attorneys (one reminded us five times that he had 40 years of experience) who were very confident they would appropriately handle two pipsqueaks like us.  Right up until the jury awarded our client $200,000 in emotional distress and $1 million in punitive damages.  Booyah.  

I have to be careful not to spend too much time away from Charlie, otherwise this happens.

At least Charlie was able to get in touch with his Russian heritage.

Charlie has started walking like crazy.  It's his new hobby, even though he often times ends up face planting on the ground. 

It was a good week.

First Steps

January has been as crazy as expected.  I had one trial out in Central Islip earlier this month and am starting another one in New Haven tomorrow.  One thing I did not miss as an absentee father were Charlie's first steps!  Here he was walking last week, completely out of the blue and a total surprise to us. 

He's taken steps here and since, but hasn't improved much.  The funny thing is that Charlie only walks when it's easier than sitting down and crawling only to have to stand back up again.  Charlie's desire to walk comes from laziness.  That's how I know he's my son.  That, and how he loves spicy pickles. 

Speaking of food, Charlie has learned that he's not supposed to drop food on the floor when he's in his high chair.  Therefore, he will keep the food in his closed fist, hang it over the open air, look at you and time it so that he releases the food the moment you say, "Don't you drop that!"  It's harder than expected to stay mad at a one year old.

We're starting some bad habits with Charlie.  For example, he reaches when he wants something and keeps reaching until he gets what he wants.  He twists his hand when he really means it.  The bad part of this is that I need him to keep doing this so I know what he wants.  Sometimes I actually tell him to point, so that I can be led by the 13-month old.  

Here's another example of Charlie being in complete control over my life.  He pushes the truck Mommom and Poppop gave him for his birthday into a wall, then turns to me, saying, "Fix it."  And I do.  That is my shame. 

On two separate occasions, Charlie blew kisses, which is some kind of milestone or something.  In a valiant effort to get him to repeat this amazing feat, we kept blowing kisses at him.  He never did it again, but he did mimic the sound, going "mmm-AHH!"  This was adorable, so I tried to get it on video, except Charlie gets so engrossed by the phone that he stops.  Here is an example of one of my many failures in getting this on video:

Charlie also started  putting his hand up to his ear when he hears the phone ring, but he refuses to do this on command. 

It's both surprising and completely expected that a 1-year-old would like Skittles.  It was probably not the best idea to introduce him to candy, but it works like magic to get him to stop crying when he inevitably hurts himself.  We have even started a dental hygiene program for him.  Mommom, this is all you.

P.S. - To get Charlie to sit still during a diaper change these days, we have to distract him with something.  Today, it was the camera, which we did not know was recording a movie.  I present to you Charlie's view of getting his diaper changed and put into his pajamas.

Christmas 2012

It's been a busy and fun holiday season, with lots of toys and peanut butter sandwiches on the floor. Charlie had his 12 month doctor's appointment and he's doing great.  And thanks to three big shots and Charlie's growing self-awareness, he now hates the doctor.  Thanks, modern medicine!

Charlie is still opening birthday gifts.  I thought he'd enjoy ripping open the gifts, but since it's not newspaper or toilet paper, he's not interested.  Must not taste as good.  Here he is showing off his new extra-loud music toy that Matt & Lynn gave him.  Thanks,  Matt & Lynn. 

Here he is playing with the truck that Mommom and Poppop got for him (video alert, Julie).  

He doesn't exactly get Legos at this point, but he knows they're awesome.   He especially likes the big truck Mommom and Poppop got him, so he can push it until he hits a wall, then point to me to come fix it.  

And then it's Christmas.  Soon after Nilda and I started dating, we made a deal about how religion would work.  Kids would be Jewish, but they'd have Christmas and there would be Santa Claus.  Please witness, therefore, the first Heller grandchild to have a picture taken with Santa.  

Santa's not what I expected him to be.  Granted, all I know about Santa comes from "A Christmas Story," but aren't you supposed to tell Santa what you want?  This guy just sits there as a never-ending parade of parents shove their kids at him for a 30-second photo opp, then watches as those same people go to pay for overpriced pictures.  Charlie seemed intrigued. 

One holiday thing that I recommended we do is take Charlie downtown to show him the tree at Rockefeller Center.  This way, we could finally take advantage of living in the city, which we never do.  Except I forgot about the zombies tourists.  We live in a world where you can be walking in a straight line on a busy sidewalk, then someone will walk right in front of you and just stop with no consideration for anyone else, and then when you inevitably bump into them, you are expected to say you're sorry.  And then I'm the rude one.   I feel the same way about Christmas time in Rockefeller Center as I do about cheap garbage bags: never again.

The one good thing about tourists is that you can ask a random stranger to take a picture of the three of you and he'll do it.  Merry Christmas, sucker.  

Christmas is always a special time of year for the Jews.  We never had a tree or lights, and that was always my favorite part.  I have a strong memory of going to a packed showing of "Yentil" with my family as a kid on Christmas.  When I was in high school, my dad decided to make Christmas dinner, since there was nothing else to do.  Now we have a big kosher Christmas dinner on Christmas day.  Nilda's family does Christmas Eve and also  has a lot of food, but it's a bit different.  My favorite part is the roast pig.  Thank you, Cubans!

Nilda's family seemed surprised when I offered to help take it out of the outdoor cooker they have for this.  I said, "There's a 40-pound pig out there.  Do you think I'm going to miss out on that?"  Charlie was trying out his game on a cute little 10-month old at Christmas Eve dinner.  She's not like the waitresses and random women at checkout counters that he usually puts the moves on. 

Here is the elegant ladies' man feeding himself oatmeal that very same morning, like a boss.

We then went to my parent's house for Christmas dinner.  Charlie loves Uncle Dumbass. Like I've said before, the best part about being an identical twin is your twin's kids.

This is Charlie and his 3-month older cousin Serena. They're so close in age that it'll be fun to see them grow up together.  But she'll always be in charge, since (a) she's older, (b) she's a girl and (c) she walked before 12 months and Charlie's not looking like he's interested any time soon.

Happy New Year, everyone! 

Happy Birthday!!

Charlie turned one year old on Saturday and I still can't get over it.  Here are the obligatory pictures outlining his progression, from the first moments after his birth to the 20 minutes that we desperately spent trying to get a goddamn picture of him with the 12 month sticker on. 

Nilda had a baby shower on the Saturday of his actual birthday, so Charlie and I got to hang out, just us guys.  I learned that Charlie likes salami and eggs just as much as I do, which is further proof that he's a Heller.  I spent most of the day trying to get a good picture of him to post on facebook.  Unfortunately, my little perfect picture taker has been replaced by a little shit that wants to take the phone.  I did manage to get a good video of Charlie crawling all over the library like he owns the place.  (Note to Julie: there's a video here). 

On Sunday, we had Charlie's first birthday party at a school auditorium near our house.  It was the big Hispanic first birthday party that Nilda had always promised me, with lots of home cooked food, booze and a DJ.  Nilda did a wonderful job putting together a great Sesame Street themed birthday party.  I'd post the pictures I took of the place, but my camera got milk in it on the way over there (long story) and was useless.  Here are some pictures that people were good enough to send to me.

Charlie had a ball, though he had no clue what the fuss was about.  He was crawling all over the place and seeing everyone, until he crashed. 

Charlie says he's old enough to drive now, but I'm still not sure. 

Happy birthday, baby boy.  I love you more than I ever thought possible.

Almost One Year

It's been a while and a lot's happened, so let's get to it.  Charlie went through the I'm adorable stage, the "I'm sick and need mommy stage," the "I'm a little shit stage," and finally back to another "I'm adorable" stage.  He also desperately needs a haircut, but Nilda says it's "cute" and we'll wait until after his first birthday. In the meantime, he'll keep looking more and more like Doc from Back to the Future.

Speaking of Back to the Future, check out McFly in his life preserver.

That picture was taken at the BJ's in Pelham while we were getting supplies for Charlie's way-too-big-Hispanic birthday party.  BJ's is amazing and going there makes me want to stock up for the apocalypse. The only person who likes it more than me is Stella, who goes freaking nuts.  Yes, of course you need that much mayonanise.  Charlie loved it, too.  I don't think I've ever seen him as happy as he was standing up in the shopping cart. 

 

"Onward, to savings!"

We had gone to the beer distributor the day before and Charlie went berserk.  All he wanted to do was get on the dirty, dusty floor and crawl around, and he was desperately willing to squirm his way out of your arms to do so.  We finally had to let him crawl around on top of the boxes, which is obviously the safer option. 

I can't believe Charlie is going to be one year old. It feels like both a full lifetime and the blink of an eye at the same time. Here's the latest updates:

• Charlie's starting to go to sleep later.  He will let you know when he's ready by literally laying down on the floor.  
• He's getting a temper, too. When he doesn't get what get wants, he storms away crying, stomping his hands as he crawls.
• Charlie will gladly help you remove your toilet paper off that cumbersome roll into an elegant and convinient pile on the floor. 
• Charlie's not walking yet, which Nilda says is a good thing. Since Andrew and I didn't walk until about 22 months, this is how I know he's my son.
• Charlie loves to splash in the bath and now conscripts me to do it for him.  He takes my hand and puts it in the water and grunts until I splash for him.
• Charlie says "Mama," "Dada" and "yum yum," and sometimes he even says them in the appropriate context. 

All he wants is Mommy.  I may be fun, but Mommy is where shit gets real.  Even tonight, I did a great job of giving him his bottle to get him ready to go to sleep, but all he wants to do is get on the floor and keeps crying while staring at the door.  I think this means he wants to stay up, but then Mommy walks in and he collapses on her shoulder to go to sleep. Like Forrest says, "Mommy is magic."  Oh, and spit bubbles are hilarious.

Note to both readers who get notifications of this blog by email (especially you, Julie): you cannot see the videos through the email.  You actually have to go to a computer and (sigh) go to boywonderesq.blogspot.com to see them, but not on an ipad.  I know, it's like the blog isn't even worth it.  But hey, it's Hannukah!  Charlie  doesn't know what that is, but it involves fire and presents so he likes it.  

Check out how he different he looks from one year ago.   

PS - We went to cousin Lilah's awesome birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Here is Charlie's grainy mug shot to prove it.

Min-Eh-So-Dah

In law school, 5 of us survived two years in a cramped, expensive two-bedroom-converted-to-three, mice-infested apartment in the projects near school.  It's amazing how an experience like that means you will forever be friends with those people.  For my birthday, I told Nilda that I wanted to go visit Matt and Mary, two survivors, who moved to Minneapolis.  I got what I wanted and we had a great time.  Here's what I learned:

• Minnesota has a street called "Minnehaha."  This will never stop being funny.  
• There's water everyfreakingwhere you look.  The license plates say "10,000 Lakes," but there are actually more than 11,000.  This is a great source of pride to Minnesotans for some reason.  
• Matt told me that Prince is from Minneapolis and I haven't been able to get the soundtrack to "Purple Rain" out my head ever since.
• Matt and Mary have a wonderful house and we were incredibly comfortable there.  Matt knows about all the neighborhoods in the twin cities and can tell you which ones have nice houses.
• It's amazing how you can go for months without talking to someone and then hang out like no time has passed at all. 
• Mary is looking HOT these days!

Matt and Mary have two dogs and Charlie was fascinated by them.  We learned that Charlie cannot try to eat the dog food or drink the dog's water if he has a pacifier in his mouth.  Here he is crossed between wanting to explore the dog and trying to not get licked in the face.  

We finally got to meet Gracie!  She's the adorable little girl that Matt and Mary adopted from China, as documented on Mary's incredible blog, growingournest.blogspot.com.  I knew she was adorable, but I didn't expect this sweet little voice to come out of her.

Gracie loves the iPad. I put some animal puzzles, princess coloring games and Dora apps on there and she was at it for hours.  Every time she completed a puzzle, she went, "I dittit!"  She woke up the next morning saying, "I want to play the game."

We spent most of the weekend either singing or watching "Gangnam Style" or "Share It Maybe."  I highly recommend you stay away from both of these.  Here is Gracie showing off doing Gangnam Style.  

I had a great time playing with their two boys, Noah (8) and Luke (6).  I told Noah that I was a black belt in "Jew-Jitsu" and he and his brother went to their room and came out wearing their yellow belts, ready to go.  It's a miracle I didn't get punched in the balls. 

As the readers of Mary's awesome blog already know, Noah has diabetes and we got to see first-hand how they deal with it.  There's a lot of testing and a lot of math, but they have found a way to manage it that is remarkably impressive.  I wouldn't say they made it look easy, but everything would be much more difficult if Noah wasn't as capable and mature as he is.  
  

I went with Matt and the kids to Target.  They boys were looking at Wii games and I took a picture of Gracie going right for a princess game.

She looked at me and said, "Cheeeese!!"

I asked her to stand still for a picture please and got this.  Man, she's adorable!

Gracie has a clever strategy for when she is reprimanded.  She started screaming out of the blue in the car and Matt and Mary (I thought nicely) asked her to stopping screaming, since Charlie was sleeping.  This led to Gracie immediately tearing up and crying uncontrollably.  I had to show her Gangnam Style on my phone to calm her down, all with her lower lip quivering.  Well played, Gracie, well played.  

Here is the picture of Gracie and Charlie that we will use to make fun of them when they're older.

Here we are by Lake Minnetonka.  There are some really nice houses by there.  Ask Matt, he'll tell you.

• We ate incredibly well.  We got a babysitter Saturday night and went out for a fantastic dinner that would rival any place in New York (except for price).  We got the 9-course tasting menu because, as Nilda aptly pointed out, a 7-course menu just isn't enough.   
• From what we saw, most casual restaurants are set up where you wait in line, order your food, and then they bring it to you.
• Mary had suggested a cozy little local seafood place known for its biscuits that I was really curious to try, but when we got there, no one wanted to go except for me.  Check it out for yourself (www.redlobster.com).
• One things Minnesotans do not understand is pizza.  They take these thick crusts that are straight out the Papa John's/Domino's style and fill them with all kinds of crap liked potato salad.  Paulie Gee would not be impressed.  

We finally had to go home.  The lesson is that flying with Charlie in the evening, when he's tired, is easier than flying in the morning, when he's wiiiide awake and looking to explore everything on the airplane.

Charlie had a great time, but he was ready to go home to his own bed.

Not only was it my 37th birthday on November 19, but Charlie turned 11 months old, meaning he'll almost be one year old!  It feels like only yesterday I was changing his poopy diaper.  Oh wait, that was yesterday. 

 

P.S. - Dear Santa, please ignore Mary and get Matt and Mary a microwave for Christmas. Seriously, it's just weird.