Live Blogging Edwards' Endorsement

Nilda bet me her pinky finger that I'd blog about John Edwards' endorsement of Obama. I told her that I'd own her pinky. Then I saw the endorsement. Nilda may keep her pinky.

• Edwards timed his move perfectly. He waited until the last "white state" voted in West Virginia, then came out to speak on their behalf. He comes in representing those voters, even though he's endorsing the candidate those voters soundly rejected.
• If Edwards had waited any longer, his endorsement would have meant nothing. Very smart timing.
• Praising the other candidate always makes the endorsement that much stronger. When you hate one candidate, no one cares who you like. Edwards endorsement of Clinton was remarkable.
• Nilda never cared about Edwards before. Now she says, "He's a good looking man."
• This means Edwards won't get the VP slot. Edwards won't be able to generate this kind of excitement again.
• I've said it before, I'll say it again. Edwards is the ideal Secretary of the Interior, focusing on poverty and housing.
• Not sure if it's real or not, but this feels like a turning point, the end of the primary battle. See bullet above re: Edwards' timing.
• "Yes we can" is back. Look at that.
• Edwards said that only Obama could unify the "two Americas" that he's been talking about in two presidential elections. I can't believe Edwards gave Obama the "two Americas" argument. Edwards must have been promised something goooooood.
• Obama isn't just like a rock star, he is a rock star. He's the Beatles of politicians. Speaking of which, I'm totally into the Beatles right now, but that's another post.
• "This is our time." I think Edwards stole that one from the Goonies.
• Clinton's been around long enough to know that this boost in Obama's momentum won't last forever, especially with her lead in Kentucky. She's also been around long enough to know there isn't enough left in the race for her to catch him without destroying her own legacy. Whatever she's looking to get for herself has to come soon, or else she won't have any leverage to negotiate.

I Love My iPhone. I Just Don't Have It Yet.

It's no secret that I've been dying for an iPhone since they first came out (curse you, damn verizon contract!). Here's the unauthorized story behind my recent temptation with the Blackberry.

Andrew, being the selfless and devoted husband he is, permitted his cherished wife Harley to get the one remaining iPhone, while he sacrificed by accepting a Blackberry instead. (Here's helping a brother out before father's day!). He loves it. Here are the benefits I've noticed the Blackberry has over the iPhone:

1. Email. The Blackberry can push email from various accounts, so that you're notified immediately when an email comes in. With the iPhone, I'm told, you have to check yourself for new emails or set the phone to check a minimum of 5 minutes apart, which also uses up battery life. The button-keypad also appears much easier to navigate than the touch-screen on the iPhone.

2. Cost. The Blackberry is significantly cheaper. This doesn't come into play on the initial investment of the iPhone. Rather, it's for those of us who think ahead and consider the time when we will inevitably break our sparkling new iPhones.

For me, there are three reasons why I need a smartphone: email, NJTransit train times, and research to prove I'm right (imdb, wikipedia). That's right. I need an iPhone to prove to my beautiful bride that I'm right, and then rub her face in it. Sure, I could occasionally be wrong, like I usually am, but that's way in the past.

Bottom line: what I really want is a web browser, and the Blackberry just can't compete on that level. The iPhone is the only device on the market that lets the user look at the web as if on a computer, rather than a watered-down html version. No contest, the iPhone is the device I have been waiting for. The end of my Verizon contract in September can't come fast enough.

Bill O'Dickhead

Here's a video going around of a pre-Factor Bill O'Reilly losing his temper when the teleprompter breaks.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!!! I love you!!!!!

Also a Happy Mother's Day to Stella, Caryn, Harley, Mary, Kate, Paula and all you other lovely ladies who give from the womb. You know who you are!

Fuck Off, MSNBC

I'm not sure what gave MSNBC the right to think they could call it, but the democratic primary is not over. There are still primaries left where Clinton is by far the favorite. At the end of this process, neither Clinton nor Obama will probably have enough delegates to guarantee the nomination. To say that Clinton should just drop out doesn't make any sense, to her or to the masses of voters who will support her in the upcoming primaries.

On the other hand, Obama is probably going to be the nominee. Besides the benefits of Tim Russert's coronation, Clinton has gone so negative in the primaries that she probably can't recover enough to earn new support amongst the party. Obama, on the other hand, hasn't attacked her nearly as hard, leaving him a little tarnished, but still able to stand as the unifying symbol of new polities as he did back in February.

In any event, I'm looking forward to an election about real issues: the economy, Supreme Court justices and, most importantly, the war in Iraq. Prediction: you're going to hear a hell of a lot more about "change" from now until November.

P.S. - The best thing I ever heard Chris Matthews say was on the Tuesday of North Carolina/Indiana: "Next, when we come back, we'll talk about the role race played in the election. Aw, do we have to? Haven't we talked about it enough already? Can't we just go one night without it? All right (resigned), when we come back, we'll talk about race."

The Fifth Element

I've got a lot of problems with the plot holes in The Fifth Element. They replicate the dna of this robot looking alien and it comes out looking like that Mila Jivovawhatshername? Doesn't make any sense. This topic came up a surprising number of times on the cruise. Jeremy always had the best response: "Really? I thought that movie was air tight."

Cruise Pics

The Cruise

• Everyone says I'm a planner. I say I just think things through.
• Going to the beach every day was a good plan, Irene.
• Cruises are inherently cheesy, with dance shows, 50s parties and ho downs (none of which we did). Still, there's something nice about watching people enjoy the cheesy stuff.
• It took a couple of days to learn how to deal with that much intake of food. After one particularly bad moment staring at a lamb shank, I got things under control. By the end, I was up to 4 appetizers, 2 entrees, and 2 deserts, no problem.
• I gained 8 pounds in 9 days. Nice!
• When you get to dinner at 9:30, and they wind up turning the lights on while you're eating an entree, you know you're eating late.
• I'm trying to think of something clever to say about the food-to-poop ratio. I've got nothing.
• Sit down meals are way better than the buffet, with slow people who have no clue that other human beings also exist in this world. Btw, I'm not very patient. I discriminate against the stupid.
• Things I didn't pack enough of: slacks, shirts and underwear. I had plenty of socks.
• Apparently, the plan was for Nilda to get a piece of jewelry for our one-year anniversary. I was only made aware of this plan after Nilda picked out the ring she liked.
• It cost me $12 to spend 10 minutes writing an email to the family. Nilda's still pissed at me for it.
• Jeremy, Irene, Nilda and I played pinochle all the time. Coincidentally, this was also the closest that we every came to fighting amongst ourselves. It was like old times, except without Mary's 42 point bids (which we all agreed she always makes).
• Jeremy and Irene are way too good at counting cards in pinochle.
• Favorite line from Ratatouille (a bad name for a good movie): "I don't like food, I love food, and if I don't love it, I don't swallow." That's what she said.
• I will never understand the people who forgo the sit down dinner for the buffet or (gasp!), a cheeseburger for dinner.
• I read Philip Roth's "Everyman," a fantastic book about an older man lamenting his lost youth. The irony was not lost on me.
• "Neap tide" is an actual term. Still, it was fun to mercilessly taunt Irene for having made it up. We really neaped her a new one.
• We spent Saturday night at the El San Juan resort, which was fantastic and WAY better than going home right from the cruise. I woke up before 8:00 am on Sunday to get one of the beds by the pool, where I promptly fell asleep for 2 hours. It...was...awesome.
• The best beach weather is partly cloudy.
• As part of our nightly martini sessions, explaining why we were always late for dinner, I ordered a "Campini" one time, a Campari martini. This was positively the worst tasting thing I've ever put in my mouth. That's what she said. Nilda told me to "man up," until she tasted it and it was so bad that it brought her to tears.
• Jeremy thinks that the worst part of being in a cruise ship band is playing when no one is listening. I say the worst part is playing "Redemption Song" every day for months on end.
• Surprisingly great song: "Private Eyes" by Hall & Oates.
• Did you know that you can burn the insides of your elbows? I didn't. Also, sand doesn't prevent sunburn on your feet the way it's supposed to.
• Irene: "I don't go on vacation to wear closed-toed shoes."
• Jeremy doesn't like to be the line leader. Following his lead lasts about 2 minutes, until he turns around to ask you where we're going.
• I'm sending Irene to coffee and bailey's anonymous, to deal with her coffee and bailey's addiction.
• My favorite beach was this deserted island we took a water taxi to in Bonaire. The only carbon footprint we left was a lot of pee and Jeremy's hat. RIP, Jeremy's hat.
• Filling out the questionnaire at the end, Nilda and I were unsure how to respond when asked if the cruise met your expectations. When you're expectations are through the roof, saying they were met just doesn't seem fair.
• We all agreed that getting off the plane in NY was one of the worst moments in our lives.
• We had a fantastic time with Jeremy and Irene, and its great to know we've got such good friends. It was a neaping good time.
• We took 242 pictures, and that's not including the ones Jeremy and Irene took. Give us a little time to get them together.
• This cruise marked our one-year wedding anniversary, to which Nilda noted, "Can you believe it, papi? One year! And I didn't kill you!" Happy anniversary, Nilda. I love you, too.

Away Message

Hello. I'll be out of the office next week. Suck it. I'm coming back with pictures.

My Introduction To The New Receptionist

"Brian, this is Frankie, who you met yesterday. She'll be starting on Monday."

"Wow, that's great. Hi, again, Frankie, great to hear you'll be joining us. Of course, I won't be here on Monday, so you all can go to hell. But I'll see you a week from Monday. Great! Looking forward to it!"

What's Most Important To Me

All I care about in the universe right now is making sure I get my butt on that cruise Nilda and I have planned for our one year wedding anniversary.

When is our anniversary? Good question! We technically got married in City Hall on May 1st, but we were married by the Rabbi in Punta Cana on May 5th. This year, we've decided on May 1st as our anniversary since we'll be on the cruise then and we'll be stuck back in NY on May 5th. We reserve the right to change our anniversary date election next year.

Where are we going on our cruise? Yet another good question! You must have done this before. We're flying down to San Juan, Puerto Rico, home of my kids' ancestors then going to the following ports:

- St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
- St. Kitts, St. Kitts & Nevis
- Grenada
- Bonaire, Netherlands Antilles
- Aruba
- Back to San Juan (spending the night at the El San Juan Hotel).

We fly down to San Juan on Saturday morning, the boat leaves that night. Check out the webcam next week and try to see me. I'll be the drunk one puking in the pool.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart!

Trip To Central Islip

I was rudely dragged to the Eastern District in Central Islip for a hearing on a temporary restraining order today, at the courthouse in Suffolk County. This courthouse is ridiculously gorgeous. Driving up, it's a giant white building against an empty sky. You can see the ocean from the upper floors. It looks like something between a movie theater and a space ship.

The train ride back reminded me why I don't like Long Island. All you can see are strip malls and parking spaces against a depressingly flat background. Buildings are close together, but not close enough to make it urban. It's "white ethnic," but too close to NYC to make it hick country.

We won the motion. This means that someone has to go back there next week for the more substantial hearing for a preliminary injunction. Too bad it won't be me because my bitch-ass is gonna be in the Caribbean. Woo-hoo!

Brian's Trip to the Dentist

I haven't had a cavity in 20 years. Apparently, my upper left-hand molar didn't get the memo. Putting aside the fact that I never thought I'd live to use the "20 years" phrase, I was surprised at how alarmed I was to learn about this cavity. Specifically, it was a tooth fracture with an accompanying cavity. Never underestimate how shocking the word "fracture" can be. Filled with a mix of childhood fear of the dentist and adult fear of getting old, I went through drilling, smoke from my teeth and a very large needle.

Needless to say, it's time for Act. (Is anyone other than Andrew going to get that?)

Over-analyzing & the Law

Our reply in the case before the Court of Appeals is due tomorrow. This one was hard. I'm not so worried about the arguments defendants made in their brief, as much as I'm trying to close any loopholes the court may rely on to deny the motion.

This morning, I was getting my dirty water coffee with another lawyer from the office, and we were discussing some Supreme Court cases that are involved. The dirty water coffee guy (the very same!) said, "I have no idea what you guys are talking about" or something. (Side note: he's a computer programming expert).

This got me thinking about what makes the law so intimidating. Then, washing dishes, I realize it: the law is about overthinking everything. It's about taking a simple fact pattern and analyzing the hell out of it, far beyond any reasonable limits. It's not that the law is hard, just not worth the effort for most people.

Live Blogging Yet Another Debate

• Man, I'm getting bored with this primary. I used to hang on every word in the debates, waiting to see how Obama and Clinton would respond to each other. Now I just wait to see if anyone says something new.
• Nilda's still not a fan of Hillary. Shocker!
• Things I never want to hear in a debate again: health care, Reverend Wright, Tony Rezko, NAFTA, bitter Pennsylvania voters, flag pins, social security. Surprisingly, I'm still willing to hear about Bosnia.
• Yes, we know your website is HillaryClinton.com. There's no need to prove that you know what a website is.
• Nilda's sick. That means she's unable to lift her head far enough off the sofa to reach the glass of ginger ale on the coffee table.
• Is it wrong that I get a little offended when the guy who sells the dirty water coffee in my office building says "you're welcome" after I buy coffee? Don't get me wrong, I love me some dirty water coffee, and the dirty water coffee guy is great. But shouldn't he be thanking me for buying the coffee? Is it wrong for me to say "thank you," basically making him say, "you're welcome"? If only there was an etiquette expert to help me...
• Nilda says her eyes are hot from her fever.
• I love Top Chef. I'm always amazed at what those people are able to think of off the top of their heads.
• What else is on?

Juggling Gym Teacher

This guy must be a gym teacher, right? Shout out to the Big Guy (aka Dad, aka Daddy-poo if you're Julie) for the link.

Live Blogging Babysitting

• I am really starting to regret volunteering to change a poopy diaper. I'm in luck so far.
• My response to Andrew's text asking how things are: "We're still looking for Lilah, but she's got to be around here somewhere."
• Lilah cries when she can't have the things she wants, just like her daddy!
• Lilah's most effective form of communication is a vigorous shake of the head "no." There is no similar communication for "yes."
• Harley's catalog of menus, organized by cuisine and bearing the more-than-slightly-gay name "Menuliscious," is surprisingly convenient.
• If I'm not going to hold Lilah while standing, then she's going to teach me a lesson and fall lifeless to the floor.
• All right, 16-month-old, you win this round.
• Lilah likes to double fist her graham crackers.
• Next time I babysit, I demand that beer be provided. And chocolate.
• I think she's finally figured out that I'm not daddy. Dammit.
• It's 10:00, Lilah. Do you know where your parents are?
• I admit it. I can't babysit without Nilda.

London Calling

A client of mine explained to me recently why London is becoming the financial capital of the world: time zones. A global manager can be in London, with managers in Asia, Europe and the US, and never be more than a few hours away. If the same manager were in New York, on the other hand, the time difference between her and Asia would be much less manageable, making London a more convenient and logical location. Looks like the Brits knew what they were doing when they set the time zones.

You might have already known this, but it's news to me, and if you're reading this, it's news to you, too. You're welcome, world!

Mets Get Rickrolled

The Mets' campaign to find an eighth inning sing-along song to replace "Sweet Caroline" backfired. Instead of selecting from the ten songs selected, the winner was write-in campaign for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."

The full story is actually much more interesting, and its in the article Jeremy sent to me.

Music For Mary

Mrs. Pookiebear recently told me that as much as she loves Cake and Bruce Springsteen, she was looking for for new music and asked me for thoughts. Trying to give her a mix of new music and stuff that I thought she'd like, here's how I responded:

Thank you! And you've come to the right spot. Here's some obscure and not so obscure bands I would recommend:

• Mates of State (a husband and wife duo with two kids who write fantastic songs, you may remember me playing you some of their stuff when you were in NY. Get Team Boo, its their best album, followed up a close second by Our Constant Concern. I've loved them ever since I saw them open for Cake years ago. I link to their blog, band on the diaper run).
  
• Matt Pond PA (from NY, despite the name, great classic songs. I listened to Several Arrows Later non-stop for a few months. The more recent Last Light isn't as good, but I never like the more recent album after I love the second).
  
• The Shins (Matt might have heard of them, they've been around a while and have great songs. My favorite album is Wincing the Night Away, but a lot of other people like Chutes Too Narrow. Don't play in front of Irene, unless you want to hear Irene sing. Love you, Irene!).
  
• Vampire Weekend (haven't actually heard the full album yet, but they were on SNL and blew me away. Preppy boys from Columbia U playing ska, and playing pretty well).
  
• Regina Spektor (she became big when her song made it on to Grey's Anatomy, you've probably heard it. The album is Begin to Hope. She actually used to play at sidewalk, but not enough to get trapped there. You'll like this one, too).
  
• The Strokes (I know you've heard of them, but not sure if you've actually listened to them. They rock.).

This was fun! Let me know when I can turn this into a blog post.

Happy birthday, Pookie!!!