The Kitchen Cabinets Are In

So, in the middle of packing and getting ready for the move on Friday, for which, yes, we're still packing, I take the time to post pictures of the custom kitchen cabinets that were installed today. Wow, world, you're very lucky.

They look amazing! I thought they would look great, but they're even better than I thought they would look. It's incredible what these cabinetmakers are able to do. There's still some work that needs to be done and the countertop and backsplash need to be put in, but so you can see how it will turn out. See for yourself:

One of the best parts is where the trash cans are located. I love it. There's two right next to each other so we can have the trash and the recycling right next to each other. Yes, they're environmentally-minded cabinets.

This is where the fridge is going to go. That little tube is the water line, which means that I shall finally have AN ICE MAKER!!!! A dream becomes a reality.

I'll even have a dishwasher, too. This just doesn't get any better. Here it is in the living room, which was just painted but sure as hell not painted by me. The color of the paint was "Iceberg," which is one of the most manly things in the house. Also in this picture is the new chandelier that Nilda is in luuv with, although Nilda's presently more enamoured with how the light in the new oven turns on and off. It really doesn't take much.

The bathroom is almost done. We're just waiting for the floor tiles, which apparently take a long time to get because they're made of unicorn smiles from special organic farms in Fantasia.

P.S. Happy birthday, Jonah Samuel, and congratulations to Yael and Bryan! He's amazing and we wish you guys the best of luck. Bring him to see us soon!

Note To Self: Watch These Later

These are a bunch of songs from the Phish show in Camden on June 7, a few nights after we saw them at Jones Beach. Andrew, you and I are so getting this show on livephish.com.

Antelope:



First Tube (check out the light show):



Limb By Limb:

The Dark Days Begin

The move is scheduled for June 19. At first, I was happy that we would finally be moving in. At least if I had to spend my weekends working on the new place, I would already wake up there. But then I realized this meant that we had to pack up all of our stuff in just two weeks.

We had already done a lot of packing, filling 17 boxes of crap crap crap. But there's still so much to do. The kitchen alone will take forever. And since we're going back to Philly this weekend, we only have nights to pack things up. This means no Tudors, no Nip/Tuck, not even Deadliest Catch. I have to come home from working all day to working at packing. Sorry in advance if the blog suffers.

I hate moving. It's not the act of packing or leaving an apartment that bothers me. It's the worrying about my stuff the day of the move. I work hard for my stuff. I owe it a fiduciary duty of loyalty. The worst part is that you can worry for as long as you like, but the move itself will only take a few hours. It's just not worth it.

For those who want to know about the renovations (Matt, Dr. HGTV), here are some pics of the bathroom, electrical wires and all, which they should hopefully start tiling soon:

This is the living room. We're moving the ceiling light about 5 feet over so we can hang a chandelier where the dining room table is going to go. This is very exciting for Nilda because she luuuuuuvs the new chandelier. That's fair because I luuuuv the new kitchen light.

We're painting the kitchen now. Well, "we're" not painting the kitchen as much as we're having it painted. That part of my life is over. The cabinets are scheduled to be installed on Monday and Tuesday, after which we can have the appliances and countertop installed:

This is an image of the pulls we're getting for the kitchen cabinets. For some reason, I keep looking at pictures of them on the internet. I have no clue why and it's starting to worry me. Also, do you have any idea how many websites there are that have "knob" in the address? There's myknobs.com, knobs4less.com, knobsandpulls.com, and that's just a few. And don't get me started on how many "faucet" websites are out there!

Brian Isn't Handy

This pisses me off. What is that supposed to mean, anyway? Is that some kind of an insult? Is my not wanting to spend my Saturday afternoon putting together a bathroom vanity and staining a closet door somehow a negative? Why is my not wanting to do things that I am not good at and don't enjoy doing make me lazy, it proves that I'm efficient with my time.

One thing I definitely can NOT do is take out the door frame to the kitchen and turn it into an arch. What they're able to do with plaster and sheet rock is amazing. It looks great and makes the kitchen look bigger, but who thinks of doing stuff like that? Here's the progression:

I like doing other things that are work related. I can pack a mean trunk and if you need to set up for a group of people coming over, I am totally there. But it's pretty clear that I was not put on this earth to install a toilet.

Nilda's just lucky I'm not decorating. When Andrew and I lived together, Addi hung a happy birthday sign on the wall for Aashish's surprise birthday party. Two years later, when we moved out, that same sign was up, and it was our only decoration. We weren't even imaginative enough to put the National Geographic maps we got up on the wall.

The plan is to move on Friday the 19th, less than two weeks from now. This is something that I can handle. Nilda, I'm in charge.

Live Blogging The Phish Show

Andrew and I went to the Phish show on Thursday night, and it was amazing. I went in not really being into it, but I still can't get over how good a show it was, definitely the best show I've been to. Here are the highlights:

• Andrew took pictures of the mustard dispenser for his work project, and then promptly got mustard all over himself. You really can't take us anywhere.
  
• The first two opening songs were amazing, probably the best I've ever seen. By the third song, as expected, I started to get bored.
• I got into Phish in 1996, and thought I was late. I'm having a hard time understanding how the high school kids at the show must feel.
• No singalongs, please.
• The boys are watching Phish in the rain. Phish isn't in the rain, the boys are.
• Jones Beach is an amazing amphitheater. It sounds great and has a really nice atmosphere. They don't sell beer, but the trade off is that there is less security.
• I inhaled enough second hand smoke to last me for a while. The smoke was from cigarettes, of course. No one smokes anything other than cigarettes at Phish shows, right?
• The show is really loud and we forgot earplugs. Damn, we're old.
• I spent a lot of the show working on my blog, because the people have to know. My iphone is awesome and I don't care how shitty my service is.
• I just don't get the dancing, especially the dudes. They go for hours, even through the boring parts.
• Hellers don't dance, but we do occasionally do the head bop. Actually, we rock the head bop.
• The dancing guy next to me who is really annoying is probably retarded. He's wasted, falling all over the place, keeps giving me the thumbs up and is looking for a high five, which I refuse. I want to tell him to go away, but I can't because he might be retarded.
• Andrew and I went in knowing we'd be buying t-shirts. Phish fans have gotten jobs and older, and will spend whatever it takes to walk away with a t-shirt.
• Hanging out at a Phish show with Andrew is just like the old days. It's good that Phish is back, and it's good to know we can still do that.
• I'd post the set list from the show, which was awesome, but the only person reading this who would be interested is standing right next to me.
• Andrew and I kept talking and thinking about work. We're old.
• Twix during intermission is never a bad idea.

• I always felt like an outsider listening to Phish, but I probably know more about this band than half these douchebags.
• Sitting down is good. We are old.
• People just don't realize how good they are. They create a world and then fill it with structures.
• Nilda sent me an email of cabinet handles and knobs. Even at a Phish show, I can't escape renovations.
• Andrew got these tickets through a friend from work. He knew a guy who put in about 23 requests for tickets, 4 tickets per request. Two of those requests led to tickets. Andrew and I put in about 4 requests and got nothing. Thanks, Andrew's friend from work.
• Last night was cold and rainy and I didn't get home until 1:45 am, only to have to get up a few hours later to go to work. It was totally worth it and I can't wait until the next tour.

What I'm Getting On Sept. 9

The layout is messed up on blogspot (again), so here's a clearer video. Thanks, Irene!

Everyone's Tired Of Apartment Renovation Posts

It looks like we're approaching the halfway point. Demolition on the bathroom and kitchen appears to be complete and it's time to start building the finished product. What does this mean?? Absolutely nothing! Here's the bathroom and kitchen, what they were and what they are. What they will be, only Nilda knows:

Defending Jon & Kate

I know everyone's been talking about it, but the season premiere last Sunday had me down all week. Even with all the media hype, I thought the show would be just another normal episode. I at least expected to see them put on a happy face for the cameras. But then the show started, and it was all about how their marriage was falling apart and they were barely speaking to each other. It was way better than a magazine article could be. I actually felt sorry for Kate, and that scared me the most.

The best part of the show is Jon. Kate's transparent in her desire to keep doing the show and pursuing her career, and it colors all of her actions. But Jon has made it blatantly clear that he no longer wants to do the show, making you think he'll just stop participating. But there he was on the season premiere, bearing his soul to the camera. The show was always an overly intrusive look into the lives of these people and it still is. In many ways, the show is better than it's ever been before.

Wallpaperin'

Tonight, Matt came over after work and helped us wall paper the "accent wall" in the bedroom. "Helping" isn't really an appropriate description. It was more like Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt, or Anne Sullivan teaching Helen Keller how to say water in The Miracle Worker.

I had a very important job. When it was time to put up a new panel, I put the glue on the wall, and when I needed another beer, I got one for myself. I also served as official project historian and photographer. Yes, I was most essential to the operation.

Here's the state of the bathroom now. It's even worse than before.

Notice how there's a drain plug where the toilet used to be. This means Matt and Brian were "hittin' the drain" as needed. Nilda, not so much. This is me picking what of Matt's stuff I wanted to take while he was working. Thanks for helping, buddy.


This is Matt's plumber's crack.

This is Nilda's.

I have to say, Matt and Nilda did an amazing job, and the wallpaper looks fantastic. And you know that if I like it, Nilda's going absolutely crazy over it.

This post is dedicated to Matt, who helped us out when he knew we'd really need him. Matt, any time you need help around the house, just let me know and I'll be there to drink beer and supervise.

What Hell Hath Wrought

And this is just the bathroom! It went from this...


...to this.

Kind of makes you think that the urine yellow wasn't such a bad choice after all. Then we were told that beneath the hideous tiles on the floor, lied nothing but chunks of broken up concrete. If you dig just a little, there's nothing but small rocks that go all the way to the basement. This means that we get the lovely surprise of having to pour concrete AND get a new tub, since for some reason that is far beyond me, they can't put down a new floor and keep the tub.

Nilda surveys what she has done.

We've barely started the demo, and the apartment's already starting to fill with rubble. I say we give it to charity, since I'm like that.

• Today, I bought a bathtub, researched medicine cabinets, ordered a bathroom faucet and spent hours on line looking at lighting fixtures for the living room. I now know the difference between a chandelier and a pendant light. What's happening to me???
• We had a serious crisis this week - we couldn't find shower fixtures that we like. God, that sounds bad when I say it out loud.
• Nilda and I have realized that whatever fixture or piece we like, we inevitably be the most expensive item there is.
• How on Earth can anyone justify $680 for a shower head? Whoever invented brushed nickel can go to hell.
• We got lucky when we finally found reasonably-priced fixtures at Lowe's. This, of course, meant that we had to go to the Lowe's located in the middle of fucking nowhere Brooklyn.

Looking at the bathroom today, Nilda and I saw that there were pieces of newspaper shoved between the studs, for some reason. I was hoping to find some kind of old story like the kind John Lennon found that formed the basis of Mr. Kite. All I got was a memoriam to Nathan M. Ohrbach from November 1972. Happy Memorial Day, Mr. Ohrbach.

New Rule: No Pink

• I'm not kidding, Nilda, no pink in the new apartment. We had a scare there with the paint in the bedroom, but the "no pink" rule is now in effect and will be strictly enforced.
• Today's first warning sign was an email Nilda sent me today with the subject line, "Honey, I think these would make great accent chairs," with a link to "Sheadon Metallic Hot Pink Accent Chairs." That's right, Nilda had the balls to put "Hot Pink" right in the email.
• Nilda tells me that pink will go perfectly with the blue sofa and the purple bedroom. That is the exact reason that we cannot have pink. Blue and purple are borderline as it is. Throw in anything pink - even a pink pillow - and you might as well have Barbie's dream apartment.
• No, Nilda, pink is not "as valid a color as green and blue and yellow." Her tactical response is to then throw the question back at me, asking, incredulously, "Then what do YOU see in the foyer?," hoping that I'll get so frustrated that I'll give up. What I really see is: "Not pink."
• Nilda just said that I shouldn't write this blog because, when we do get pink in the apartment, either Matt and/or my brother will call me a pussy. Challenge accepted, Nilda. No pink!

Alert!

I have been advised that Operation Stain The Doors Ourselves has been aborted. Apparently, it's not as easy as following the instructions on the can. But it appears that as long as Nilda got to use my dad's nifty little hand sander, everything will be okay. Be alert for further instructions.

I Am Never Painting Again. Ever. Nilda.

The goal was to paint the new bedroom over the weekend, leaving only the wallpapering of one wall. As expected, it did not go well. Luckily, Nilda and I are still married.

Friday Night

• 7:07 pm: I arrive at the new apartment after work, having stopped by Rite Aid to buy more beer. The plan is to paint the trim white tonight, and then paint the walls on Saturday.
• 7:27 pm: After procrastinating as long as possible, Nilda makes me start painting.
• 7:31 pm: I realize how much I hate painting. I'm trying to paint the floorboards but can't seem to keep from painting the floor itself. However much the guy wanted to paint this room, it was totally worth it.
• 7:38 pm: We're going to need more paper towels.
• 7:52 pm: I give up on the floorboards, and start on the molding. It was around this time that I start refusing to make eye contact with Nilda.
• 8:10 pm: I realize that it still hasn't hit me that I'm actually going to be living in this apartment some day.
• 8:35 pm: Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me? How much more painting do we have to do? I may not make it through tomorrow. I am completely serious.
• 9:32 pm: We finally finish. Nilda, I am never painting again. Seriously. Ever. I'm so not fucking kidding.

Saturday

• 9:35 am: I call McDonalds to confirm that breakfast goes until at least 10:30 am.
• 10:20 am: We get to the apartment. I wonder how I ever let Nilda convince me that buying an apartment was a good idea.
• 10:50 am: I finally recognize that the color Nilda has selected is not pink. I think its grayple, a combination of purple and gray. Nilda calls it Barney color.

• 11:04 am: We have to paint two coats???
• 11:14 am: It's not too early to start drinking beer, right? Of course not!

• 11:53 am: I finally get into a groove, motivated by the knowledge that this is the last time I will ever be painting.
• 1:45 pm: Dad stops by on his way to pick up Harley and the kids. He calls Nilda's cell, saying he called her instead of me because he knew I'd be in a bad mood. He says, "Brian just doesn't like the work." At first I'm offended, until I realize he's right.

• 2:02 pm: Tell Nilda that I have to go to Rite Aid to get more painting tape as a rouse to get more beer.
• 2:22 pm: The allegation that "You aren't handy" ceases to have any effect on me. I accept that I have certain talents, but being handy is not one of them. But if you need a legal brief, I'm your guy.
• 3:10 pm: In a surprise twist, Nilda loses it and declares that she will never paint again. I'm as supportive as I can be, until she stops painting so that she can "wash the brushes" and "clean up spots on the floor." You best keep painting, woman! This was your idea!
• 4:07 pm: Nilda and I had learned from a neighbor that this apartment had been occupied by an elderly woman for many years. We take down the name tag on the front door of the apartment, which had clearly had been there for a long time. Goodbye, Mrs. Seidel!
• 4:55 pm: We're finally done.

It Begins

• We finally got the go ahead today from the coop board to renovate the bathroom. That's important because it's the one thing keeping us from moving. Yesterday, Nilda told me that the guy from the management company was rude. Today, he's not so bad.
• Nilda wants to move by the end of May. This means not only packing up everything we own to move within two weeks, but making sure the bathroom is completed within a little over two weeks. Good luck with that, Nilda.
• My dream of not having to paint has been shattered. Apparently, people want a ridiculous amount to paint three walls of a bedroom and wallpaper the fourth. I blame the pink paint. No, Nilda, it's not "lavender," it's pink! And yes, I lost this one.
• We've got rid of the old appliances and fixtures by donating them to B.I.G. ("Build It Green"). This is an amazing company. They come to your apartment and take away all the stuff you don't want. For free!!

• Here's a picture of the new curtains Nilda got for the bedroom at a ridiculously low price at some kind of a design show. I am advised that they are "goooooorgeous!" and directed to look at the "greek key trim," whatever the hell that is.

• I knew I was in trouble when Nilda told me on the phone to stop by Best Buy on my way home and "go ahead and get that video game" I had been talking about, since "I had a hard week." And Stella was over, so you know that whatever she bought was soooo gooorgeous that her mom had to come look at it, and that's never a good sign.
• I was made to play Guitar Hero.
• Here's the new fridge so far. It's not much, but it's a start. Operation Fill It With Beer is not yet a success, but it's a start. Hopefully, it will at least get us through painting this weekend.