Martha Mason

Martha Mason became paralyzed from the neck down when she was 11 years old, as the result of polio. She spent the next 60 years living her life lying down in an iron lung, so she could breathe. She passed away last week, at the age of 71, in her hometown of Lattimore, North Carolina.

Mason chose to live in an iron lung, preferring it to tubes down her throat or hospital stays. She had teachers come to her home and she graduated first in her class in high school. She attended college at Wake Forest, participating in classes by intercom, and graduated first in her class as well. She spent then moved back home and wrote for a local paper, dictating to her mother, until her father became ill and her mother no longer had time.

She was well known in the community. She had friends over for dinner (she ate lying down) and people would come to visit before or after big events like weddings. The fire department would check up on her when the electricity went out, to make sure her backup generator worked.

Small town life was hard for such a smart woman, until Mason got a voice activated computer in the mid-1990s. For the first time, was able to really interact with the world. She wrote a book about her life in an iron lung that was published in 2003, called "Breathe." Her friend Mary Dalton, a professor at Wake Forest (the one sitting next to her in the picture below) directed a documentary about her in 2005 called "Martha In Lattimore." She was survived only by her two aides, who she considered family.

"My story's been one of joy, one of wonderful experiences," she said. "It has not been perfect. But that's what people need to understand -- that I have had a good life." She said that by the time were available, she had already established a lifestyle in an iron lung. Here is her NYTimes obituary and an ABC News article about her.

Grrr

The lawyer is late to the deposition. Now I might not be able to finish as early as I had hoped, which sucks because I need to finish a brief this afternoon. This is how I feel:

Congrats To Us

Happy second anniversary yesterday, Nilda! I love you. I buy you a house!

Frente!

I can't stop listening to this band right now. It's this Australian band that briefly had a hit cover version of New Order's Bizarre Love Triangle in the mid-90s. I love the singer's voice. It sounds like freshman year of college. They fell off the map for a long time and are not available on itunes. I've finally found them on youtube.

The New Fridge

I shall fill it with beer.

Justice Souter's Retirement

Here is the text of Justice Souter's letter to the president announcing his retirement:

"Dear Mr. President:

When the Supreme Court rises for the summer recess this year, I intend to retire from regular active service as a Justice, under the provisions of 28 US.C. § 371(b)(l), having attained the age and met the service requirements of subsection(c) of that section. I mean to continue to render substantial judicial service as an Associate Justice.

Yours respectfully,

David Souter"

I wondered what "the provisions of 28 US.C. § 371(b)(l)" were, so I looked them up. Yeah, I'm cool like that. Turns out that federal judges, if they serve on the bench long enough, are entitled to receive their annual salary for the rest of their life. So Justice Souter, who's retirement was on the cover of every major newspaper today, made sure in his letter that he confirmed his pension, like any smart employee would.

I'll bet he had a lawyer help him write this letter.

Homeowners

We finally closed today. Everyone at the closing was amazed at how easy it all went, but don't tell that to Nilda. We stopped by the new place tonight and finally opened that bottle of '98 Dom Perignon we got as a wedding gift. For me, tonight was a reprieve from the renovation hell I am about to enter. I'll take it.

Grey Gardens

Grey Gardens is the story of a mother and daughter in East Hampton, Long Island, who came from a wealthy depression-era family that, over time, lost all their money and retreated from the world into their house. They are cousins of Jackie O, but that is not the main part of the story. They've sort of become a camp classic about an isolated mother and daughter who think they're still high society. The daughter had dreams of becoming a performer, but ultimately stayed with her aging mother. The house became so filthy that it was literally rendered inhabitable, a condition that was captured in magazine articles and a documentary. Here's the really boring trailer for that movie:



I only bring this up to prove to Nilda that Grey Gardens has a lot in common with Gilmore Girls. Not that they're at all the same story, but there are certain significant similarities. Let's look at the facts:

• Both stories involve a mother and daughter relationship (although I'll concede that Gilmore Girls shows a far more positive relationship).
• Both mothers and daughters are Sr./Jr. (Big Edie & Little Edie v. Lorilai & Rori).
• Both engage in witty banter that drives away all the men in their lives.
• Both are families that came from money, but no longer have any.
• Both mothers are divorced and the closest relationships in their lives are with their daughters.
• Gilmore Girls referenced Grey Gardens on two separate episodes (thanks, Wikipedia!), proving that even the writers of Gilmore Girls saw a connection.

So you see, Nilda, I was right all along. And now it's written on the internet, so you know it's true.

Jeremy Maclin

Andrew's post of a Cowboys fan's disappointment in learning that the Eagles drafted Jeremy Maclin got me wondering about who this guy is. Check out his highlight reel. This guy is fast and strong, and he's a wide receiver can run out of the backfield. He's the perfect accompaniment for Westbrook. Yes, I'm ready for some football.

Football On The High Holidays

This interview encapsulates my feelings about the NFL games that were scheduled for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Sorry, no embedding available. This link came from Mom. Yes, Mom! I know!!

Stealing From Irene's Blog

Thanks, Desolution Boliviation!

Yankee Stadium

Andrew's in-laws sent Andrew and I and his brothers-in-law, Jon and Adam, to the Yankee game tonight at the new stadium, and it was sweet. Thank you, Neil and Paula! We had a great time. And surprise, I have a blog, read by millions of adoring fans all of the world. You're famous now. Here's a quick recap:

• It doesn't matter that the website specifically says that backpacks are allowed, you still can't bring in your briefcase. Why were you looking at the website when the little sign outside the stadium specifically contradicts it? Luckily there's a bar nearby that has made a very clever business as a bag check.
• When taking a walk around to check things out, you're going to need a beer for the walk. We recommend Heineken, which was surprisingly kick ass at the stadium.
• It's amazing how under the right circumstances, $11 for a beer is a reasonable value.
• Andrew and I tried to get away with showing only Andrew's ID by pointing out that we were identical twins. The woman looked at us, smiled and got really excited, then asked for my ID.
• Two sausage hot dogs with onions & peppers + large nachos with everything = good idea for Andrew and Brian.
• Apparently, Yankee fans do not like anyone wearing a Red Sox hat.
• Baseball games are a good opportunity for Andrew and I to talk about Battles BC, potential blog posts, and how we should play a show again.
• Johnny Damon hit a home run. This was a lot more exciting than it is on tv.
• Tonight was a lot of fun, but damn I miss football.

Obama's Handshake With Chavez

How is this not the exact picture we would want to have of Obama's first meeting with Chavez? I first saw this picture on Saturday morning and was elated to see how Obama is changing the US' relations with Latin America. Instead of a bully who refuses to listen, we have a President who knows that he will only be able to make progress with oppressive nations by being a friend, not an enemy. These countries obviously won't be pressured into granting basic freedoms, so it's time to try a different approach.

Only by shaking hands will Obama get any leverage to convince these countries, like Venezuela and Cuba, to show a real commitment to human rights. If that doesn't work, then we're back where we started (make the lifting of all trade restrictions conditional on certain benchmarks), but at least the US maintains the moral high ground. It's more of a start than anything Bush ever did.

Then this morning I have to hear Newt "the Dewche" Gingrich bitching about how Obama should not have shown the common courtesy of at least shaking the man's hand, and how we should continue the ridiculously stupid policy of demanding complete compliance with all US demands before giving any ground. Newt believes that we should stick to the policy that has proven to be an abysmal failure. He focuses on how the world will perceive Obama but ignores how now, Chavez will no longer be able to call the US the devil. The pressure is now on Chavez to change, not on Obama to do anything. Newt ignores all this and advocates a failed policy just for the sake of coming up with some kind of opposition.

Bottom line, Newt heard all the chatter from last week about how he should run for President in 2012 and has decided to make a go for it starting this morning. By all accounts, he seems off to a great start for Obama.

My First Call To Andrew's New Job

I went over Andrew's place last night after work. On the way to his place, I called his new work for the first time to see if he was there. He does not have voicemail and someone picked up. I knew exactly what would happen the moment she heard my voice. Here's a transcript of that phone call:

"Hello (nice, British accent lady)."

"Hi... Is Andrew Heller there?"

"Nooo, I'm sorry, he's just stepped out."

"Ok... This is his brother Brian..." (wait for it).

"OHH!! I was about to say, isn't this Andrew? Are you sure you're not Andrew!"

"No, this is his brother."

"OH MY GOD!!! YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIM!!! That's incredible!!"

"Yeah, that's what Mom says."

"OH MY GOD!!! That is amazing. You sound JUST LIKE HIM!!!"

"Yeah, that's what they tell me..."

"I can't believe this! I'm going to need to put you on speakerphone, so that everyone can hear."

"Ok..." (speakerphone didn't work out, but she tried)

"All right, I'll jut call his cell. Thanks."

"Ok, well you are definitely going to have to stop by so we can get a look at you. Wow, that is amaaazing!"

I never get annoyed when people who know only Andrew get weirded out by me, since I know how weird twins are. Then I finally got to Andrew's house and me the new babysitter Julie for the first time. She looked at me strangely and said, "Oh my God! I've seen identical twins before, but you guys are really identical!"

Mannahatta

NY Magazine had another article this week about what New York City looked like before the Europeans arrived, when it was known as Mannahatta:

• There was a deep fresh water lake downtown that was a main hub of native civilization. The lake was ultimately poisoned by the tanning industry and had to be drained by a canal (now Canal Street), after which the area turned into the slum neighborhood known as Five Points.
• The largest settlement of the Lenape Indians was in Inwood. Manhattan was used primarily as a summer residence.
• Here's a pdf showing the original borders of the island. Inhabitants would walk to what is now the Bronx by walking over "the Wading Place," near 220th Street and Broadway.
• Manhattan was almost a paradise, full of animal life (but not the wolves) and natural forest. Henry Hudson noted how suitable good the island was for ship-building.

I love this stuff and I'm not sure why. It's amazing to think that all the concrete and buildings that we all think of is new and, most likely, only temporary. It also helps to relieve those horrible, horrible kid's songs that have been stuck in my head since spending the weekend with my nieces. I don't know how Andrew can take it:

Thank You

This is the actual thank you card that I sent to Uncle Allan and Aunt Sheila after my Bar Mitzvah, when I was 13:

"Uncle Allan, Aunt Sheila, Lisa and Amy,

Thank you very much for your gift. I want you to know that I spent it all on drugs and whores. All of it. Send more if you got some. By the way, I hope you're enjoying my Bat Mitzvah cards as much as I am. Mazel tov on your achievement.

Love,

Brian"

Perhaps The Funniest Commercial Nilda And I Have Ever Seen

Phoenix

I saw this band on SNL over the weekend and was very impressed. They sound like the Strokes but seem to be less pretentious, even though they're...French. I wonder why I haven't listened to them before. They played these two songs, both of which should be on their new album coming out in late May. But since that will be right after we close on the new place, I, of course, will not be able to afford air.

The Burden Of Blogging Presses Upon Me At All Times

Yesterday, I had this great idea while walking outside for a post called "Live Blogging The Internal Monologue." I was going to have a rant of bullets like, "Is ER still on tv?" "I'm glad its Saturday," "I'll never not be into Phish," "Is it just me or is Lost really good again?," "Seaman and Dyckman (streets in Inwood)...hehehe," and the ever controversial, "I think they've made daylight savings time start too early because, among other things, (a) just when it starts getting light when I wake up, I suddenly have to deal with waking up in darkness and (b) I no longer get that sudden change where it's both warmer and lighter out after work." It was a good idea, but then I sobered up and it lost its charm.

Nilda and I checked out the beer distributor at 207th Street and the river today. It was heaven. Imagine a gigantic warehouse filled with not just beers from all over the world, but anything you can imagine. You want Strawberry Sunkist? They got it. They even have a room stocked with Sunny D, if you're into that kind of thing. Needless to say, Brian was very excited:

They even have every kind of Boone's you could hope for:

We picked up a six-pack of Leffe Blonde and a ceramic growler of Belgian porter, because you just can't walk out empty-handed. Then we took a look at the East River. Nilda, would you please model the river for us?

Thank you, sweetheart, that was wonderful. And happy 23-month anniversary. I'm getting you a case of Yoohoo.

Fear Of Pickles

Hopefully this informative video will spread awareness about this devastating and debilitating disease that is sweeping Jewish delis everywhere.

This Guy Is Awesome

It's amazing to me how comfortable this guy is being President. Beyond his ability to capably juggle many issues at the press conference, here's an article about how the Obamas are seen all around town, including at neighborhood restaurants. Here's another article about how Obama has tried to bring the black media into the fold. He is the first President to invite Ebony magazine to a press conference and skipped over established journalists to give that publication a question. This does not seem like much now, but has the potential to establish a broader appeal and greater relevance for black media.

Obama is the new Michael Jordan. I've even started working out in the mornings.

Inwood

As you are all aware, the Hellers are moving to Inwood. Yes, Nilda, you're a Heller now. Fine, you can be Jewish too. I never thought that I would live so far north, but I'm really excited about moving there. The only local street that goes into Inwood from the rest of Manhattan is Broadway, giving the neighborhood a separate feel from the rest of the city. These are some pictures Nilda and I took a couple of weeks ago in the park, in the brief amount of time I had before Nilda got too cold:

That's me holding a carton of apple cider we got at the farmer's market, which is there every Saturday. Farmer's markets are awesome! You get to spend a lot of money for tiny, misshapen apples with holes in them.

Here's a tennis court that's nearby. Nilda and I are talking about how we could play tennis there, an idea we expect to be laughing about hardily, months from now. However, if you hear yelling and a lot of cursing, you know we're trying:

This is a picture of birds that Nilda made me take. I have no idea why this was such an important picture, but here it is. Nilda, this is your punishment. What did we learn???

Here are some other points that the public needs to know about Inwood:

• Peter Minuit's "purchase" of Manhattan from the Lenape Indians on May 24, 1626 allegedly took place in Inwood. There is a plaque marking what's believed to be the spot of the sale in Inwood Hill Park. I hope they used a coupon.
• Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Jim Carroll (who wrote "The Basketball Diaries") are both from Inwood. Really? Are those the best people we have. Fine, then. Barak Obama is from Inwood. Yeah, that's the ticket.
• Inwood Hill Park is the last natural forest standing on Manhattan Island and contains a natural salt marsh. Nilda's standing in front of it in the picture above. I still don't know what a salt marsh is, but they have one there if you're into that kind of thing.
• The area was first developed in 1906 when the IRT train (the "1") opened, with many houses built east of Broadway. There was a second boom when the IND subway (the "A") was built, when many of the area's art deco buildings, like ours, were built west of Broadway.
• The neighborhood was initially populated by Irish immigrants, which gave way to a large Dominican population, until the awful, horrible yuppies moved in.
• There are also a lot of classically trained musicians up there, and you KNOW those people like to party.
• The area is not known for its restaurants, but there are a couple of really good ones, including Park Terrace Bistro, a Moroccan place owned by a husband and wife, Mamajuana, a fancy Latin-American place, and Grandpa's Brick Oven Pizza, which has great thin crust pizza. Too bad that buying this place means we will never, ever be allowed to eat out again.
• Best of all, our apartment is almost across the street from PJ Liquor Warehouse, probably the greatest, most amazing, best selection and best prices of wine and liquor store I've ever been to. Nilda and I go there every so often and stock up, now I can stop by on the way home. Goodbye liver, hello weight gain!!
• It's the last stop on the A. At first that sounds terrible, but then I realized that I'll always get a seat and, best of all, there is a bathroom in the station, as a safety precaution for tequila shots. Finally, you're safe, tunnel at the 190th Street station.
• Like with most neighborhoods in New York, some residents can get a little obsessive. One has even started an Inwood blog, which I have to admit I'll probably wind up reading. I promise, here and now, never to blog exclusively about the neighborhood, but only about things that will matter only to my readers, meaning Andrew and Nilda.

The New Apartment

In early February, Nilda and I found an apartment that we loved. Nilda found the listing on Friday morning, we went to see the apartment on Saturday morning, and by Monday evening we had made an offer. After six rounds of counteroffers, we finally signed the contract in early March.

To be honest, I'm getting a bit sick of the process. Nilda made me go look at appliances this weekend. This meant spending two hours on the subway to go to BUMBLEFUCK BROOKLYN to go to some place that Nilda said we just HAD to go to. After looking at all the brands and styles and features, I had an epiphany on Friday night that kitchen design could be an enjoyable process. I was simultaneously longing for the time when it would be over. All I want is an ice maker, Nilda, that's all I want.

Anyway, now that we are "in contract," I'm finally able to blog about the place. It's a fantastic pre-war art deco apartment, in fantastic condition. The only thing that needs to be updated are the kitchen and bath, which, you can probably guess is the best possible scenario for Nilda. Here are some pics, check out the archways and the herringbone floors:

Here's the main bedroom, there's a dining room that will serve as a second bedroom:This picture was taken on the first day we saw the apartment. You can see Nilda thinking, "Hmmm, how can I do this in a way that's most expensive?"

That other woman in the picture is our broker. She's great, and really outgoing for a hobbit. Here's the kitchen. As Nilda says, "All this is gonna go..."

The bathroom is a hideous shade of 1940s golden urine. I had to fight to keep the tub ("A standing glass shower is so much more elegant, Brian!"), but I think I won that one. Everything else is going to be changed.

We can't move in until the bathroom renovation is finished. You can live without a kitchen, but you can't live without a toilet. We're hoping to close in late April. Nilda told me the other day that I'm going to have to start being more handy. Nilda, I've been thinking about it, and I'm not going to be doing that.

One of the best features of the apartment is the neighborhood, Inwood. I would have never thought I'd be excited to live someplace so far north of mid-town, but it's really a great place to live. It's got a small town feel, but it's still on the subway. There's more, but I'll save that for another post.

Obama's Message To Iran

It's amazing that after all the furor and fear that the Bush administration sold on Iran, Obama's positive message to the Iranian went pretty much unnoticed this week. That is has been such a non-issue shows that this is what everyone wanted, all along. It's also smart, since the Iranian people have always been more liberal than their leaders and took to the streets in protest on 9/11. The message was well timed, too, as it comes before the elections this summer. Obama's message of working together has a much better chance of success than any of Bush's threats.

Obama's NCAA Picks

I'm not into college basketball. I'm not into basketball to begin with, but college especially. There's too many teams and I don't have the patience or attention span to care. But I love that Obama went on ESPN to share his tournament picks. It shows decisiveness in the face of many factors, both known and unknown. It's also nice to have a President that can hang. For the record, I'm going with his picks.

Imprisoned In A Cellar For 24 Years

The NYTimes had a story this morning about Josef Fritzl, an Austrian man who kept his daughter imprisoned in his cellar for 24 years, raping her and fathering seven children. This freaked me out immensely and obviously required further investigation. Here's my journalism-paraphrasing:

• Fritzl kept her locked in a cellar under the house, that he fixed up with a bathroom, refrigerator and hot plate.
• He made the daughter write letters in captivity, claiming that she had run off to join a religious cult. Fritzl's wife claims to have known nothing believes those letters.
• Fritzl told his wife that he was building machines down there. He had the door barred with a keyless lock that only he could open. He told the people in "the bunker," as he called it, that he would kill them with gas if they tried to escape, and that the door was electrified.
• Fritzl had a prior conviction for rape and said he was born to rape. He said he locked up his daughter when she started to get unruly as a teenager, to keep the influence of the outside world away from her.
• Three of the children lived underground with their mother. He claimed to have "found" three of them at his door step, and raised them with his wife as adopted children. He murdered one of a set of twins who was born with breathing problems.
• He put in an expansion to the basement to get more room.
• His wife claimed to know nothing of her daughter's captivity just below her, and believed that her daughter had run of to join a cult.
• Everything came crashing down for Fritz when the oldest daughter got sick and Fritzl took her to the hospital. The daughter is now free and, most likely, living in some kind of hospital with her children. She moved in with her mother for a short period of time, but had a falling out with her because her mom did not stand up for her growing up.
• Here's what she looked like as a teenager, and also a map of the cellar:

There's a lot more info on this story, since it's received worldwide attention. Here's a story with a movie clip attached that I could not embed. Of course, there's always Wikipdia, the world's most reliable source of information.

Wow, that was uplifting. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody!!!

Nerd Alert!

The Earth could easily fit in the space between the Sun and this solar prominence on the top right of this picture:

This one makes a great desktop background:

You have to love Astronomy Picture of the Day.

What It's Like To Be A Twin

• Every time I hear my voice on the answering machine, I think it's Andrew.
• One time I went into Andrew's work. It was like like having amnesia. I had no idea who anyone was, but they all said hello to me.
• Meeting Andrew's co-workers is always fun. When they finally realize I'm not Andrew, they stare at me like I'm the weirdest thing they've ever seen. Then they invariably say, "Weird!!!"
• When I talk, they say, "He sounds like him, too!"
• Every now and then, I'll be walking down the street and someone will say hi to me. That means they think I'm Andrew.
• When someone stares at me in line at the movie theater, I know they think I'm Andrew.
• Mom was grateful for caller id, so she could finally tell us apart on the phone.
• Being a twin doesn't mean I don't also think that twins are weird. One time in high school, I saw identical twins on the bus and wondered, "I wonder what that is like."
• We always shared birthday parties together. I never minded. I still refer to my birthdays in the third person.
• No matter what each of us is doing, if we both do it together, it's funny.
• Andrew and I were both counselors at a day camp. The kids would always ask, "are you you or your brother?" To this day, that's the still the stupidest question I've ever heard.
• The only person I've ever been happy to think I was Andrew is Lilah, but she's old enough to know better now.
• The nieces can't tell us apart, so they will generally call us both either Uncle Andrew or Uncle Brian, taking turns with both names. I take it as a major victory when they call Andrew "Uncle Brian."
• When someone tells me they saw my twin, they're probably right.
• I'm not sure I know what I look like, but I know I look like Andrew.
• I have a hard time telling us apart in baby pictures.
• There was one time when I was confused. We were kids and I thought Andrew and I were playing chicken by walking into each other. We both laughed, then I walked into the mirror.

The Onion Completes Me

Year Of Law School Now Mandatory For Nation's 25-Year-Olds

WASHINGTON—Under the provisions of a bill approved by Congress and signed into law Tuesday, every 25-year-old American, regardless of prior life commitments, is now legally obligated to enroll in a full year of study at one of the nation's accredited law schools. "This new measure gives us the means to compel 25-year-olds to simultaneously placate their parents, impress their friends with complex-sounding legal jargon, and effectively avoid any real-world responsibilities for another full year," said Rep. Steve Buyer (R-IN). "We can think of no better way for our young people to squander their postcollegiate aimlessness." Congress is reportedly seeking further legislation that would provide for an additional nine months of grumbling over LSAT prep, and up to five years of whining about paying off student loan debt.

Jim Cramer's Response

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I'm not sure why I find this so interesting. It's not like either of them are deciding policy, they're just arguing for the fun of it, with no chance of impacting anything. It reminds me of a debate in student government.

Good luck to Jack today on his bris! And happy birthday to Harley! Unfortunately, these celebrations will be eclipsed by the fact that today is the 20th anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah. Thank you in advance for your kind words and envelopes full of money.

The Daily Show On CNBC

Going Home

Everyone wish Jack luck, as he attempts to summit tonight.

Jack Heller

Jack Abrevaya Heller was born yesterday at 1:02 pm, weighing a good 7 pounds 12 ounces. He's the first Heller boy to be born since me. Yes, Hellers will soon be overtaking the planet.

Jack is a great name. It's familiar, but still distinct. Andrew says he can be anything with that name, "a rock star, a doctor, or a pirate." Interesting career choices, Andrew. Here Jack is saying "woe is me!"

Big sister Lilah was very excited to finally see baby Jack. She then promptly advised me that she wanted to sleep at my house. And yes, she definitely gets confused and often calls me Daddy. The nurses made the same mistake.


Aunt Nilda and I are very excited! We're also excited because we signed the contract for our new apartment tonight, but that's for a different blog.

Here he is a day later. I think he looks like a baby.


It's amazing to me that Andrew now has a second child. I've always felt that we were living the same life and comparing notes, like his was an alternate reality of how my life could have turned out. Good luck with the second one, douchebag. You make a great dad.

Musical Statistics

You've seen these before, but they're definitely worth checking out again. I especially love the milkshake post, which, Dad, you will never understand. FULL CREDIT for this post goes to Matt. See what you can accomplish when you're not trolling the internet for gay porn??